


Master

by Fousu



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Accidental Sexual Violence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blood and Injury, Coercion, Dirty Thoughts, Drama, Drunk Sex, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied Consent, Implied Masturbation, Internal Conflict, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Lots of Crying, M/M, Melodrama, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Explicit Sex, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Power Imbalance, Regret, Secret Relationship, Some Papa/Special but not the focus, Temptation, i think, mentions of past relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-01-30 11:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21427825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fousu/pseuds/Fousu
Summary: Because of Nihil's apprehension towards the Cardinal being the next frontman, Copia must endure being Papa III's subordinate for the time being. But Copia's lust and fear only drags him into trouble he could only try to avoid.
Relationships: Cardinal Copia/Papa Emeritus III
Comments: 25
Kudos: 72





	1. Lust

While the Cardinal was the newcomer, he felt relatively accustomed to life in the church. His specialty was singing, after all, and Papa Emeritus III thought he’d perform well as the frontman for the time being. Although he had known Papa for some time before moving into the church, Papa’s inner machinations were still a mystery to Cardinal Copia.

The Cardinal remembered facing Papa Nihil as he decided to appoint him a position within his own clergy, two ghouls flanking him and staring at Copia with empty eyes. That was when he formally met Papa.

A young man strode into the room, who wore a long, flowing robe that trailed behind him. His very presence alerted Papa Nihil and the ghouls that he had to pause his rites.

The man, who kept his black hair combed back, immediately approached Nihil and spoke something into his ear, his eyes focused on Copia. Copia felt entranced by him, as if taken by his elegant entrance into the rectory, and the sheer power he exuded.

He awkwardly adjusted his collar and looked away from his piercing gaze, though it had the opposite effect on the strange man.

Pulling away from Nihil, the painted face of the man turned towards Copia, giving him a rough stare as he encircled him, as if sizing him up.

He spoke, finally.

“So this is our new frontman, no?” His walk stopped in front of Copia, their faces just inches away from each other. “A little scrawny, but he will do.”

Copia swallowed hard in reply.

Papa Nihil furrowed his brows in worry. “Don’t frighten him. You were the one who nominated him to take your place.”

So this man was Papa III, Copia gathered.

Papa pulled away to face Nihil. “I know, I know. It’s a joke.” Papa waved at him, his voice higher in pitch than before.

“If you scare him away, it is your job to find a new one-“ Nihil’s tone became slightly hostile.

“I get it, old man. He will get used to it, I promise.”

Nihil shook his head. “I hope you’ve made the right decision.”

Papa scoffed quietly and went back to Copia, a slight smirk on his face.

“You will do well with me, Cardinal.” Papa said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Though for the time being, you will be my subordinate.”

Copia was surprised to hear this. 

“Subordinate? But you’re just a-“

“Priest, I know. But Mr. Nihil here isn’t so sure about you taking my place just yet.”

Nihil sighed. “Just to be sure, since he’s my only living descendent-“

Papa pulled his hand away and clapped his gloved hands together. “Seems that everything is in place. I’ll be seeing you.”

Papa turned tail and began to exit, flipping his robe into Copia’s face.

Though it was a brief moment, Copia still couldn’t forget Papa stopping and turning to Copia with a sinister smile.

“I’m happy to have you here, my dear Copia.”

Copia had never felt afraid yet aroused at the same time, until that very moment.

Though his sinister smile frightened him more than it should.

Perhaps it was Papa’s mystery that made Copia feel apprehensive towards him, which made him a bit of a recluse in the church. Though after some time he’d gotten used to the clergy, Copia still felt safer in his room by himself. With this, he only left his room when necessary, and he spent most of his days reading, or answering to Papa’s orders. 

Even so, Copia’s days and nights were only getting lonelier and lonelier. 

The nights, however, were worse. 

He often imagined Papa entering his quarters late at night to steal a kiss from him, but also to feel his body with his fingertips, and other acts. 

This night was no different, as Copia laid in bed silent, his eyes half closed towards the ceiling. He imagined his hands were Papa’s.

_ Copia laid in bed as Papa towered over him, his gloved hand caressing his body. His hand eventually reached down his pants. _

_ Copia gasped as Papa breathed into his ear. _

_ “You will be mine. Forever.” He whispered. _

_ “Yes, Master...” Copia’s voice trailed off. _

The loud church bell chimed.

He shook himself awake with the sound. He sat up to look at the old silent grandfather clock in the corner. With the moonlight peeking through the curtain, he could see the time. 

Midnight.

Copia had decided to leave his room for the time being, knowing his ungracious thoughts ran rampant in the night.

* * *

The empty gothic hallways were bathed in momentary moonlight, as clouds quickly passed over the moon, leaving passing moments in near complete darkness. Copia watched his shadow disappear and reappear as he entered a lit hallway of small torches.

His destination was the same every time he sought solace in the night: the balcony off the side of the church.

Though it was the same as every other night, Copia felt that something was different. Had someone been watching him?

As he approached the door to the balcony, he heard a quiet melody humming from the outside. Copia couldn’t tell who it was or what it was, as his night walks were lonely and company was unheard of.

He thought he should at least peek through the door.

In the darkness, he saw a tall figure standing at the balcony, and the soft humming had come from the figure. The figure faced away from the door, that much Copia could understand from the silhouette surrounded in darkness.

_ It must be Papa. _ Copia thought. 

As the Cardinal began turning away from the door, the humming stopped, and a voice came from the dark figure.

“Cardinal.” the voice spoke.

Copia nearly jumped out of his skin, hearing Papa’s voice emanate from the darkness. He had no choice but to answer. “Yes? Do you need me, Papa?” Copia answered, a bit sheepishly.

“Come here.”

Copia had to obey. There was some tone in his voice that he had not heard before—something dark perhaps.

The echo of Copia’s shoes alerted his presence to the dark priest, as he turned to face the visitor. The darkness that shrouded Papa’s face hid his emotions, so Copia did not know how to act towards him.

“Yes?”

Papa turned back towards the dark landscape. “It will rain soon.”

Copia was taken aback from his reply.

Papa continued. “I can smell it in the air. Can you?”

The sound of distant thunder came through the air. The silence had come again with the wind.

“Papa…” the Cardinal spoke, “How could you tell I was coming here?”

The priest folded his arms on the railing. “I know things, Cardinal. And I can see you come here at night from the church.”

“You’ve _ been watching me? _” Copia questioned with surprise.

Papa sighed. “Some nights, but not all. But enough to know your routine.”

Copia felt dread sinking his stomach. He knew Papa was planning something with his odd words. What sort of person watches another’s every move enough to know their “routine”?

They both stared far off into the distance. The thunder came and went again.

“I’ve been thinking about you, Cardinal.” Papa mumbled.

Silence overcame them, and Copia could no longer bear the silence between the priest’s words. An odd feeling twinged in his heart. Just being near him was giving him the chills. He did not want his unsavory thoughts to return, especially now.

“It is time to return inside, Cardinal. Before the rain comes.”

Copia nodded, relieved that the enigmatic man had spoken again to break the silence. “I will return to my quarters, then.” Copia bowed and began to take his leave.

“Wait.” Interjected the priest. “You need to do something for me.”

A shiver ran up Copia’s spine. 

“Come.” Papa gestured to the doors with his hand, covered by his long black robe.

Copia had no choice but to follow.

* * *

The hallways seemed to grow longer and longer, the Cardinal thought, as he trailed behind the priest’s flowing black robe. Copia had not noticed in the darkness how Papa was dressed for a ritual, and not a silent night in, which Copia was prepared for. Though he wore a plain black cassock, it was only to sit by the railing on the balcony for nightly meditation. The minute he would return to his quarters he would change quickly into his night clothes and go promptly to sleep. 

Copia couldn’t help but wonder what Papa was doing at this time of night, and why he waited for him to come to the balcony. Why was he waiting? Why was he watching him?

Copia didn’t know what Papa wanted from him, and it frightened him. Though he knew Papa well enough, he still had no idea what the dark creature was capable of. Though in rituals, Papa appeared sociable and even friendly towards the audience and the ghouls. The ghouls all seemed to like Papa very much despite his many odd mannerisms and words. Though, to Copia, it all felt… off. It felt as if Papa had masqueraded his true self towards others, and that his true self was locked away inside him. The Cardinal felt that some sort of darkness laid beneath. 

He was not keen on seeing that darkness anytime soon.

In the narrow hallway, down a few stairs, they had reached a locked door, which was the entrance to Papa’s quarters. Papa unlocked it quickly and stepped inside the candle-lit room. Papa held the door open for Copia, but upon noticing that Copia stood unmoving, he turned towards the Cardinal, with anticipation in his dark eyes.

Copia swallowed hard, and spoke up. “What are you planning?”

Papa looked slightly confused. He tilted his head in surprise, raising his eyebrows. He could only ask, “What do you mean?”

“I…” Copia stuttered. “I mean you’re acting strange. What is it that you’re planning?”

“I want to talk.” Papa finally answered. “In private. That’s all.”

It was something in his voice that made Copia tremble. He knew that there was no way out of this, and he had to answer to his superior, as the consequences could be dire. Copia’s heart skipped a beat as he entered Papa’s quarters.

The first thing Copia noticed was the small altar placed against the wall, which had several lit candles placed upon it, giving the rest of the room a dim glow. Behind him, he heard Papa lock the door, and flip a light switch.

While now the main room was more-so lit, the warm glow left the corners of the room still dark and ominous, as the furthermost room was only bathed in candlelight. Copia could understand that it was Papa’s bedroom, with the white sheets glimmering with the candle flames.

The small stained glass windows momentarily lit up with lightning from the approaching storm. 

“Come now. Sit.” Papa gestured towards a small table with wooden chairs situated around it. Copia cautiously followed his orders, keeping his eyes on the priest. Papa went to sit across from him.

Copia couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. He swore he began to see the darkness manifest in his pupils. He clasped his gloved hands together and kept his gaze on them, and not Papa.

He felt that Papa noticed his gaze was turned away from him.

“What’s the matter? Look at me.” Papa ordered. Copia’s eyes glanced upwards to see the scowl on the dark priest.

Copia was afraid. He knew that Papa could feel it come from him. He knew the priest could hear his heart thumping in his chest.

“You frighten me, Papa.” Copia choked.

Papa furrowed his brow. “May I ask why? How do I frighten you?”

Copia recoiled in slight shock. How could he answer that? He curled his fingers into his palms, reluctant to reply. 

Then, he felt a warm touch on his hand. Upon looking up, Copia saw Papa’s fingers resting on his hand, with his gaze focused on the Cardinal. His face appeared softer than before.

“Tell me.”

While Copia knew the gesture was to be calming, he found it had the opposite effect on him. His gloved hands…

Copia took a deep breath. “Nevermind. What do you want to talk to me about?”

Papa pulled his hand back and reclined into his seat, setting his hands on his lap. He took a deep sigh and gazed at the windows.

Rain began to pound outside.

“I have a question for you,” he began. “Cardinal… Do you not like having companionship?”

Copia’s heart sounded a hard thump. “Me?”

“I feel as though you like to hide away from me, and the rest of us, the clergy.”

“I…” Copia stammered. “No, that’s not necessarily true.” 

“Are you not accustomed to living here yet?”

“No, I’m used to it.”

“Even if that’s true, I wonder…” Papa’s voice trailed off, as if deep in thought.

The momentary silence was impeded by the rain hitting the windows.

Papa continued. “I wonder if you ever wished to spend some of your time with someone, at least in private, perhaps.”

Private? Copia could only blink. He couldn’t possibly mean.... That. He shook the thought away from his mind. _ Of course not, you idiot. Get your head out of the gutter_, he thought.

“What do you mean?”

Papa adjusted himself in his chair. “Public or not, do you want that sort of relationship at all? To be close with someone? Tell me, Cardinal.”

A crack of thunder interrupted the conversation as Copia felt he was placed on the spot again. He heard his heartbeat louder than the thunder, as if the storm outside was breaking in his heart.

Copia tried to gain the courage to speak his mind. 

“I do, Papa. I do.” Copia repeated with too hardy of a nod.

“With whom? Anyone in particular?”

The sound of his heartbeat pounded wildly in his ears.

“You, Papa.” Copia blurted out without thinking.

Copia’s heart went mad. He bit his tongue for saying such a thing.

Copia couldn’t find a follow up to that sentence as the right words had eluded him. He was frozen with fear.

Papa’s eyes widened. “I see.” 

A bright flash of lightning illuminated the room for a moment, but Copia could see Papa’s gaze move away from his eyes.

They let the moment continue through the crack of thunder.

Papa stood up from his seat and turned away from the table, towards the back of the room. Copia watched him move slightly to shrug off his long robe, revealing his black collared shirt and pants underneath.

Papa mumbled an “Excuse me,” before dropping his robe on the table before Copia.

Copia didn’t know how to feel about this entire situation. Was it a trap of some kind?

Another rumble of thunder came and went.

As if the world had stopped, silence completely overtook the room. The rain had come down to a patter on the windows outside, further pushing their world into silence. Being unable to read Papa’s emotions only made Copia’s heart beat harder than before.

Copia knew he couldn’t take it anymore. The crushing weight of it all made Copia stand from his seat.

“I think it’s time I left.” he announced. “Goodnight, Papa.”

The Cardinal turned and slowly made his way towards the door, as if he expected the priest to do something, until he heard a small voice from behind him.

“You know, Cardinal...”

Copia froze in place as he heard Papa’s footsteps approaching him from behind.

The steps encircled him, until Papa reached his right side. The silent lightning lit up his painted face, a sinister glimmer shone in his eyes.

“There’s a reason I chose you to come here.”

Copia’s heart still beat hard in his chest. “You mean you nominated me along with Nihil?”

“It was entirely my choice. Nihil didn’t want you here.”

Copia felt his heart stop, though only for a moment.

“What?”

Papa went to stand in front of Copia, as if to block his exit. Even in the dim light, the Cardinal could see a slight smirk on his superior’s face.

“Of course,” he continued, “Sister Imperator was the one who suggested you, along with other candidates, but it was my choice alone who brought you here.”

Copia sucked in a quick breath, “What are you- what do you mean?”

“I mean,” Papa stepped closer, making him only a few inches apart from Copia. “I picked you for a reason.”

Copia felt far too frightened to respond, and all of the warning bells rang in his head.

The priest leaned forward so his voice would reach Copia’s ear.

“You entice me, Cardinal.”

That was it. Copia couldn’t take it anymore, so he sprung into action.

Though he jumped to the side of the priest, Papa reached out his hand and grasped at the fabric of Copia’s cassock, but it slipped away from his hands. Copia made it a few steps away, but he soon felt a gloved hand grab his wrist.

With his adrenaline pumping, Copia went into a fight response as he turned to pull away from Papa’s abrupt grasp, but once he faced Papa, he was slammed into the door. The priest moved his hands to Copia’s shoulders, holding him in place.

Copia’s panicked eyes met with Papa’s. The dark stare penetrated his eyes like daggers. With his back literally against the wall, Copia had no way to escape Papa’s hold.

“What do you want?” Copia whispered. He hoped that complying would allow him to leave—somehow.

Papa’s momentary silence allowed him to ponder his words.

“Cardinal, don’t get me wrong.”

“What?” He breathed.

Papa’s face got uncomfortably close to Copia’s.

“Ever since I laid my eyes on you,” he began, “I knew you were something special. I felt something burning in my chest. Something I’ve never felt before...”

Without warning, Copia suddenly felt a sensation run up his cheek, and upon glancing at it, he saw Papa’s gloved hand crawl up his face. Copia could barely breathe as he watched his superior’s face soften and tilt towards his own.

“I knew it from the beginning.” Papa whispered. “You make me want you. You make me want... More.”

Then, ever so tenderly, Papa placed his lips on Copia’s. 

Copia’s mind began to spin. He felt lost and the world around him spun faster and faster, and his body felt weak. His fight response was halted, and his body flung into shock.

There was only one thought that shot through his mind.

_ I knew it. It was a trap. It was a trap. It was a trap. _

Once Papa drew his lips from Copia, the Cardinal struggled to return to reality, and breathe once again. His back was still to the door, so he still could not escape.

“You-“ Copia choked. His heart couldn’t slow down and he felt his whole body shake underneath Papa’s hands. His own breath eluded him. “You tricked me-“

Papa’s voice became stern. “Listen to me, Cardinal.”

The Cardinal tried to struggle, but with Papa’s body pinning him against the door, he couldn’t move.

“You bastard-!” he panted. “You made me come here for your own sick pleasure!”

“Copia.”

With the call of his name, Copia momentarily stopped struggling and met his superior’s eyes.

Darkness. All Copia could see was darkness.

Papa’s thumb gently brushed Copia’s cheek. The feeling made him shudder.

“You feel the same for me, don’t you?”

Copia’s blood ran cold. How could Papa see right through him? Could he even see right through him?

He stuttered, “H-How the hell would you know?”

Copia felt tears well up in his eyes. He knew Papa would see them. 

“Cardinal, I know.” Papa tenderly whispered. “You have that feeling too.”

Copia stammered. “S-Stop...”

“Come with me to bed.” Papa caressed Copia’s cheek with his thumb. “All I want is you, here and now.”

Copia wanted to reject him. He internally yelled at himself and Papa to end this torture now. His feelings crashed around like tempestuous waves crashing in his heart—all this meddling made him sick.

_ I can’t... Can I? To do that with Papa...? _

But... To do anything of the sort would ruin his dignity and his name in the church.

Indeed, that would be against the code. “No lascivious actions or relationships”. The both of them would be forbidden from performing at rituals forever. They would also be unable to show their faces there again. How unthinkable! 

He can’t go through that—it was improper. It was shameful. Copia had to do his duty.

But his feelings got in the way of that.

Feeling Papa’s gloved hand on his cheek gave Copia what he craved. The feeling he had made up in his fantasies—he had given up on that prospect, knowing that Papa would never grant him the pleasure, but now he felt Papa’s lips against his...

He wanted those hands to feel every inch of his body.

Though Copia didn’t want to admit it. It was shameful. Disgusting. 

It was just a fantasy. Nothing more.

_ It can’t be more than just a fantasy! _

Papa’s voice beckoned him. It echoed endlessly through his mind.

Papa’s warmth enveloped him—the warmth that filled up in his heart.

And Copia wanted to drown in that warmth. He wanted those arms wrapped around him.

“How dare you…” Copia began. “How dare you make me feel like this…” He moved his clenched hands from his sides to Papa’s chest. His fingers curled into the shirt’s fabric, balling it into his fists. “What have you done to me?!”

The tears spilled down his face, right as lightning filled the room with light.

The temptation was too much to bare.

Copia dug his face into Papa’s shoulder, and he felt his tears soak into the fabric. “Papa...” he choked, his anger and hostility gone. 

Papa couldn’t hesitate pulling the Cardinal into a warm embrace, a hand stroking his hair.

The contact was intoxicating.

They stood there, in each other’s arms, with Copia sobbing underneath the rain hitting the windows with the wind.

After some time, Copia lifted his head to look at the priest again, this time he saw warmth and softness in that dark, dark gaze.

“Kiss me.” The words barely left his lips.

This time, Copia was prepared to welcome Papa’s mouth as he went to fully melt into his touch.

Outside, the thunder rumbled in the distance.

* * *

The night was different from that moment on.

When Papa brought Copia to his bed, the Cardinal didn’t know what to expect. His tears were dried up, and he felt Papa’s weight tower over him, and a forceful, lustful kiss entered his mouth.

Copia let his tongue get tangled with Papa’s, his moaning mingling with his superior’s. He had been taken over by his senses completely, as he had not noticed his hands reach up and grasp Papa’s thick black hair. 

With Papa on top of him, Copia felt Papa’s knee shove between his legs, making him want to grind against him and feel the friction between their bodies.

With little verbal communication between them, the priest’s fingers dug down Copia’s collar, violently tearing the cassock open, sending a few buttons flying across the bedroom.

Copia didn’t even notice him being forcefully disrobed by Papa’s hands.

He did feel Papa’s knee shove more into Copia’s crotch.

The movement and sudden stimulation made Copia yelp, though rather quietly to not alarm his partner. He unknowingly wrapped his legs around Papa’s leg, as if to hold in place.

Though the motion had stopped when Papa pulled his tongue out of the Cardinal’s mouth, giving each of them a moment of air.

Papa’s voice came from above.

“Now, tell me. What do you want?”

The Cardinal himself was still enraptured by his superior’s touch. “Anything. Everything.” He panted.

“Anything?” Papa echoed as he moved his face down to Copia’s neck, his breath reaching it before his lips. Copia cried as he felt teeth bite down on his sensitive skin.

“I want...” Copia’s excited voice cracked. “I want you-“

The teeth bit down harder. Copia cried louder.

Copia’s fingers pulled at his superior’s hair. “I want to feel you- inside of me-“

The biting stopped, to Copia’s relief. Though he noticed he was beginning to have an erection.

“You want me?” Papa asked, his breath making Copia’s spine tingle. 

“Yes...“ Copia continued, thoughts running through his mind. The lustful words escaped his mouth, “I want your cock inside of me.”

Copia felt his face burn in embarrassment. He felt a chuckle vibrate against his neck.

“Of course, my dear Cardinal.” Papa taunted.

In a whirl of quick handiwork, Copia felt his legs pried open by Papa’s rough hands, and fingers fumbling with his trousers, which were uncomfortably close to his erection. Copia wanted to warn Papa of his nether regions, but was too late. By the time Copia looked down, he saw Papa yanking down his trousers and undergarments at once, revealing the full extent of Copia’s length.

Now his face was truly burning. The Cardinal turned his face away and dragged the sheets over his face. He knew Papa took notice.

“Don’t hide. Let me see your face when I fuck you.”

Copia felt startled by Papa’s sudden rough tone.

Papa pulled the sheets away from Copia’s face, his dim eyes piercing through his soul.

“I’ll make you mine.” He growled. “I am your Master.”

His voice and words rattled Copia to his very core. 

Copia’s voice shook. “Master...” he repeated.

Papa smiled.

He’d reached the point of no return.

Within a few seconds, Papa searched within his back pockets and retrieved a small vial, and placed it on the sheets next to Copia. He glanced at it and knew Papa really had set him up all along. He _ was _ dragged here so Papa could have his way with him.

There was a slight sound of a zipper being unzipped.

His attention moved back to his superior, who was using his teeth to peel back his gloves to reveal his slim fingers underneath. With both off, he grabbed the vial and poured its contents on his open palm.

It was only then Copia glanced to see Papa’s cock at its full length.

Though before Copia could fully grasp its size, he felt Papa’s wet fingers slide into Copia with ease.

He yelped in surprise. “Oh god-“ 

Papa quickly yanked out his fingers to dab them into more lube. Copia felt a squeak escape.

“Let’s see how deep I can go.”

”No, wait-“

His superior jammed his fingers back into Copia, making him cry out in pain. He felt the fingers run into a nerve that jolted Copia like a wave of electricity. Copia yelled, his voice crackling and waning in intensity.

Papa mumbled his success, “There we go.” 

He again ripped his fingers out of his partner, who was twitching in response.

“Papa...” he choked. His eyes were wide open in shock.

He watched as Papa leaned down to his face to steal a kiss from him, but Copia’s heavy breathing made it difficult to return it. Papa continued his way down Copia’s neck, dragging his tongue down to the spot where he bit him. The sensation forced Copia’s eyes shut.

Copia didn’t yelp as he felt Papa’s fingers enter him again. They were soft and careful this time, so Copia could savor the feeling of Papa’s slender fingers entering and teasing his insides. They again touched the nerve that made Copia gasp. His breathing hitched at the contact.

Papa pulled his lips away from Copia’s exposed neck. “So, it’s right around here.” He mumbled, all too pleased with himself. His fingers slipped out, leaving a trail of lube in its wake. 

Upon opening his eyes, Copia saw his superior tower over him. A slight smirk appeared on his face. He was busy preparing his own member for the inevitable.

Papa chuckled at the sight of his submissive partner.

“How fitting,” he taunted. “I’m going to fuck you missionary style, all the while you’re still in your robes.”

Copia felt frankly embarrassed, though watching his superior fervently rubbing his cock made him only more eager to feel the full force of his member within his body. Dare he say, he was hungry for it. Copia felt out of character in his response. “Then don’t make me wait any longer. Ravage me, why don’t you?”

Papa gave a hearty laugh. “You haven’t seen anything yet.” Papa dropped down to Copia’s face, challenging him in with his piercing gaze. “I’ll make you more than just gasp.”

Soon, Copia felt a sudden pressure, then a long hot object enter him with relative ease, though the size in both length and girth was far greater compared to Papa’s fingers.

He let a noise escape his lips. His arms reached out and found his superior’s back—the fabric of his shirt wet with sweat.

He again met his superior’s gaze, and his eyes gave a sense of power and control over the Cardinal.

Feeling pleased with Copia’s bewildered face, Papa tucked his face into the sheets above Copia’s left shoulder.

Nails dug into Copia’s hips.

Papa pulled slightly out, and pushed his way back into Copia, making him vocalize in pain.

Papa didn’t cease despite his shirt being pulled on, and Copia’s exasperated breaths between thrusts.

In fact, he only quickened his movements.

Copia could only grip onto his partner’s back, as Papa’s hips rocked into him over and over.

With the forceful push of Papa’s cock, Copia tried to keep his mouth shut as to not vocalize further, though the pressure and stimulation made him moan and grunt deeply into Papa’s shoulder. With every thrust, it went harder and faster, as if Papa was testing Copia’s limits.

“Oh god-“ he yelped. “Oh god, oh god-“ he repeated with each breath he took.

“How does it feel?” Papa grunted. 

“I can’t... Describe...” Copia cried. “Oh god, Papa...!”

Copia craned his neck back into the sheets as the rhythm sent energy up his spine and down his fingertips. His fingers strained to hold onto Papa’s back.

Papa pulled his face up to look at Copia, whose makeup was smudged with sweat.

“To see you like this,” he grunted in between thrusts, “you couldn’t be more beautiful.”

The pressure was too close to exploding. The sensitive nerve kept being agitated within him, making his whole body shake and quiver.

“Papa, I can’t-“ he panted as if he was running a marathon. “I can’t last much longer...-!”

“Then cum.” his Master ordered. “Do it!”

Almost on cue, all of the pressure exploded from Copia’s loins, releasing a wave of pure pleasure and ecstasy throughout his very being. He cried out Papa’s name, with Lucifer and Satan coming afterwards.

His vision went white in pure physical bliss.

The motion within him ceased as well, as Papa ejaculated deep within his body, and he too shook with pleasure. His vocal release was only a rough, low growl that vibrated into the Cardinal’s skin. His cock ripped out of Copia, and he collapsed onto the heaving body below him, his face meeting the sheets above his partner’s shoulder.

Copia felt his vision slowly return and his breath filling his lungs with much needed air. His arms still clung tightly to Papa’s shirt.

Though Copia wanted them to stay there for a while longer, Papa instead pushed himself up away from his subordinate, then rolled onto his side, his back facing the other man.

Copia didn’t like having his arms feel empty.

He reached out his hand to touch his superior’s back. “Papa.” He called, though completely drained of energy.

The priest pushed himself up to sit at the edge of the bed, his back still facing the Cardinal.

“I’m fine.” He replied. The priest turned to glance over at Copia. Surely he could see how pathetic his partner looked. “Take the rest of your clothes off. You’ve got cum everywhere.”

Copia didn’t dare to look at the remains of his opened cassock because he could feel the sticky wetness cling to his skin, even through parts of the fabric. Upon watching Papa taking off his shirt, he too felt the need to remove his trousers from the bed and remove his clothes.

Copia tried to say an apology, though his superior waved him off. “It happens.” He mumbled.

When Copia discarded the rest of his clothes to the floor, he felt the bed move beside him and upon turning, he saw Papa pulling the covers over his nude body. In the candlelight, Copia could see how badly smudged Papa’s facepaint had become. But he drew his eyes down his chest...

He accidentally made eye contact with Papa, making him turn away and blush.

“What’s wrong?” 

The Cardinal swallowed hard. “You look so... different without your robes.”

“A lot of people look different with no clothes on.” Papa joked.

Copia couldn’t find it funny. It was his first time seeing Papa so vulnerable. Though his gaze commanded attention, his slim, pale body showed something far more delicate than Papa had led on.

“Copia.” Papa’s soothing voice called. “Come into bed.”

“I should probably leave.”

Papa scoffed. “Nonsense. You’re sleeping here.” He pulled the blankets away, inviting his partner in.

For some reason, The Cardinal felt apprehensive about making skin-to-skin contact with his superior, even though they literally had sex mere minutes ago. Surely feeling Papa’s nude body was blasphemous... But he imagined the warmth Papa gave him from before. With that, Copia made his away under the covers. 

“Papa?” He asked, getting settled underneath.

“What is it?” Papa mumbled in reply, his eyelids half closed.

“I want to hold you.”

He could tell by Papa’s widened eyes that his simple request got his superior’s attention. Papa answered by turning and pulling Copia into a deep, warm embrace.

After it all, wrapping his arms around Papa made his heart burn with passion and desire with what was left of his energy. The skin-to-skin contact was soothing in a way, but it was truly Papa’s tenderness that made it feel like homely comfort.

Papa’s low voice entered his ears, “You were good, dear Cardinal.” His fingers went into his subordinate’s hair, entangling his fingers in the loose strands.

“I hope nobody heard us.” He lamented, recalling the ungodly howl he made in his orgasm.

Papa gave a slight chuckle. “There’s a reason I brought you here—had I gotten the chance I would have fucked you on the altar in the church.”

Copia shuddered at the thought. To hear his cries echo through the church...

“No one can hear us down here. Just you and me.”

He mumbled. “I hope so.”

“Now,” Papa’s soothing voice returned, “go to sleep, my dear.”

Being in Papa’s embrace made Copia drift off into an exhausted sleep, with his superior’s fingers still stroking his hair.

He was sure he whispered a confession to Papa. But he wasn't sure if it was in reality, or a dream.

_"Master..."_ his voice said, _"I lost my virginity to you."_

_ “My dear Copia...” _ he heard in a whisper.

* * *

Copia was roused from his sleep with the distant sound of knocking. Still attached to sleep he attempted to roll over, only to feel the presence beside him move. With his ears, Copia traced the presence’s movement with the overturning of blankets and quiet footsteps move away, across the creaky wooden floor.

The door unlocked.

“Excuse me, Papa…” A ghoul’s small voice spoke. “I…I don’t mean to disturb you…”

“It’s quite alright. I was just about to head in the bath.” Papa’s voiced cooed.

The ghoul stuttered, “Oh, well… The Cardinal…”

Copia winced at hearing his name. Possibly due to his drowsiness, he felt the need to cover himself with the sheets cast aside by Papa, as if he was a child who thought hiding underneath blankets would prevent a monster from getting him.

“I went to call the Cardinal, but his door was open, and he wasn’t in his room… Do you know where he went?” The ghoul asked.

Copia dreaded to hear the answer.

“The Cardinal? I sent him out on an errand earlier.”

It seems that Papa is covering for him, Copia considered.

“Don’t worry,” Papa continued, “He will be back soon enough.”

“Oh. I see. Sorry again…”

“No need to worry. Good day.”

The door shut upon the conversation. Papa’s footsteps returned to the bed, and very lightly, Copia felt Papa nudge his shoulder.

“I heard you, I heard you…” Copia drowsily repeated, throwing the sheets off of him. He turned to look at Papa, still completely nude from the night before.

“Get cleaned up and leave.” Papa ordered. He heard a bit of sternness in his voice.

Copia joked, “You have the gall to speak to a ghoul completely nude, huh?”

Despite it being morning, Papa’s eyes appeared far darker than it was the night before. His face was stone cold with sternness. Copia’s stomach dropped at the sight, so he dropped the casual attitude.

“Get up.” Papa whispered, now with a choke in his voice. The Cardinal was startled at hearing it, as he never heard Papa get choked up before.

Feeling hasty, Copia rolled himself off the bed and began to search for his clothes on the floor with his gaze. 

He remembered how Papa had ruined them the night before upon seeing buttons strewn across the floor, along with the stained cassock and trousers. Indeed, Papa had been far too eager to ruin his clothes.

Copia felt a hand grasp at his wrist.

“Don’t worry about that now,” Papa said, “I’ll prepare the bath for you.”

“Master…” Copia’s voice trailed off as he looked again at Papa’s face, this time seeing a true anomaly.

Tears. He saw tears forming in his eyes.

Copia was confused most of all, though he felt a wave of other emotions crash over him. Pity, sadness, empathy… 

But confused. He couldn’t understand why Papa was tearing up.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have called him “Master”.

Papa held his composure, though. “Just wait here.” He assured.

The priest finally turned away from Copia, stepping towards a room to the right of the bed. Papa retrieved a cloak from the floor and quickly robed himself before entering and flipping the light on. Copia then heard the rush of water fall into the ceramic tub.

Copia, completely thoughtless, sat at the bedside, his eyes resting on the plain, wooden floor.

The only thought that crossed his mind in those drawn-out moments,

_What’s wrong with Papa?_

* * *

By the time Copia left the bath, he saw Papa fully clothed in a cassock and trousers, sitting at the table, reading. Copia noticed his face was repainted, and his hair combed back and orderly. Before Copia could say anything, Papa interjected without moving.

“Clean clothes are on the bed.” He stated.

Copia felt no need to speak, so he went over to his clothes. Feeling the fabric, he realized that they were indeed clean, but had a somewhat musty smell. Did Papa bring clothes from his room? Copia thought. Or was it Papa’s own clothing…?

How did Papa get cleaned up while he was alone in the bath?

Copia shook his head at the thought and began to get dressed.

Once Copia had thought his appearance looked normal, he turned to Papa, who was still entrenched in his book. 

“I will depart, now.” Copia announced.

Papa didn’t answer, nor change his odd composure. Copia was still put off by his behavior. 

He wondered if anything particular had happened last night that made him act this way— did he feel he was too rough on Copia, or did he feel guilty for coercing him into sex? Did he feel that he forced himself upon Copia? Is that why tears formed in his eyes?

“Papa, please understand.” Copia assured. “You don’t have to feel bad, because I…”

Papa raised a finger, cutting Copia’s words off.

“Just go.” he said.

Copia felt hostility, but in the way that animals may hiss at those who draw to close, as if Papa was bound to attack.

“Leave.” He choked.

He knew he had to say something, but no words came to Copia. Though, he swore he heard Papa say something under his breath.

Copia had to follow his superior’s wishes, so he began to leave, opening and closing the door behind him.

Before the door could latch, the door swung open again, and Copia was caught off guard by the sudden appearance of Papa. In a rush of a second, Papa embraced him in a kiss that enraptured his whole being.

Copia was brought back to the night before when Papa pinned him against the door, bringing him into a tender kiss.

_“You feel the same for me, don’t you?”_ Copia recalled him saying. 

Copia felt himself melt again into Papa, his words wrapping him in warmth.

The night’s events flashed in his memory, though the image that stayed with him was Papa, who had his arms wrapped around him after the ordeal that was sex. His whole body enveloped his in an all-encompassing heat, the both of them still catching their breath. Even still, Papa looked at Copia with a sort of longing before he buried his face into his neck.

“My dear Copia...” he whispered.

Copia wanted to hold him forever.

Though Papa, as enigmatic and strange as he may be, had his moments of tenderness. Perhaps that’s what Copia fell in love with.

Copia couldn’t help but moan into his Master’s lips, and his fingers pulled down on Papa’s cassock.

“Papa...” He moaned.

Papa broke off the kiss, though his mouth laid only an inch away from his subordinate’s.

“Not now. Please. I will speak with you later.”

Copia saw tears in Papa’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Papa broke off the embrace, and began to turn away so Copia could not see his tears again. Copia tried to reach out to him, but the door was promptly closed again, and Copia’s fingers only felt the solid door that divided the two of them.

Copia shook his head, and rested his forehead on the door with his palms. He said quietly, “Know this, Master. I love you. Please, Papa. Know that I love you.”

Copia felt he had said a prayer.

_ You’ve fucked it up, Copia. _ His inner voice said. _ You’ve fallen in love with Papa. _

_ Damn it! _

_ Damn it all! _

He wanted to punch a hole through the door, but if anyone saw him...

Copia turned away, trying to move as fast as he could without seeming suspicious or odd, and he soon returned to his quarters. 

After shutting the door behind him, he slid down until his hands and knees met the ground. He was alone again.

Cardinal Copia felt stunned, as all of the weight of his thoughts, emotions, and actions crashed upon him like a wave as reality had kicked in.

He felt the tears rush down his face, though he couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it.

Papa had sex with him—no, HE slept with Papa. He could have stopped him but HE let it happen.

How much trouble was he going to get in if anyone found out? Would he have to get relocated again?

Would Papa be the one to be relocated?

What was worse, for him to leave or for Papa to leave?

It was his fault for daring to want Papa carnally, but it was because of his attraction-

No, he was infatuated with Papa. That was worse than just sleeping with him!

_ How dare he fall in love with him! _

It was all too much for Copia to bare all at once.

He could do nothing but collapse and weep bitterly.


	2. "I want you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days after the fateful night, Papa still refused to leave his quarters, leaving the clergy in worry of his health. Copia can only pray for his health, and for a compromise between his feelings and his work.

Papa hadn’t left his room since the fateful night, and Copia could never get him to speak with him. At that point, everyone in the church had begun to worry about Papa’s health, and began to wonder if he was going kick the bucket soon due to the complete lack of communication from him.

Once Nihil heard the news of Papa’s condition, he cut his trip short to check on his descendant and make sure that his family line didn’t end.

Copia was the one who was to meet with Nihil, though his condition was hardly better.

The Cardinal’s heart was in pieces due to his utter confusion and worry about Papa’s condition. He knew that if he did not put on the appearance of normality, then surely others will take notice and begin to put the pieces together about his and Papa’s relationship... At least that’s what he feared.

Before all of this, he feared Papa, but now he feared for Papa.

Though he had no appetite, he forced himself to eat. Though he had no motivation, he forced himself to work. Though he cried constantly, he forced himself to act unbothered by it all.

It had begun to take its toll.

Copia received word that Nihil would arrive back at the church the following morning, though without Sister Imperator due to work on her part needing to be done.

Copia felt only a sliver of relief, as on one hand, Nihil being at his descendant’s side may make him feel better, but that was still going to be a full 18 hours of worry and anxiety.

The only thing he could do was wait and focus on something—anything else other than Papa.

Copia stared down at his notebook—all full of words he couldn’t decipher. Based on the spacing and how it was written, he could guess what the words meant. Lyrics, perhaps?

When had he written them? Was he so sleep deprived that days had meld together to create a never ending nightmare? Was there no solace to be had? Was this all just a dream?

All he can think about is Papa.

_What am I doing again?_ He wondered, having completely forgotten what he had tried to do beforehand.

Copia looked down at his lap. The thing that stared back at him was a blank page smudged with eraser marks, with only stray lines remaining. In his right hand he found a pencil, the lead snapped off.

He couldn’t remember what happened beforehand. What had he written?

Copia stood up and left the notebook on the bed with the pencil. He shook his head at his ceaseless thoughts about Papa and his wretched anxiety over his health.

He wanted it to stop.

He left his room, seeking fresh air.

* * *

The Cardinal didn’t notice until leaving his room how amplified everything became—his senses working on overdrive. He made his way into the church and was overcome by the scent of incense, which had clouded the room.

Copia knew that in dire times someone would burn incense in the church and have everyone pray for help and guidance.

Perhaps that’s what he needed to do.

Though the overwhelming smell made him lightheaded, he found his way through the fog of incense towards one of the altars that stood before a statue of Lucifer. In the candlelight, the smoke lit up and surrounded the image of Lucifer, whose spiteful gaze stared down into Copia, as if judging his very being.

Copia was beginning to believe he was face-to-face with Lucifer himself.

He whispered, hoping the fallen angel would hear him, “Lord Lucifer, have I made the right choice?”

The image said nothing. Copia knelt down to pray. He hunched over, clasping his hands together, interlacing his fingers. He shut his eyes to pray, and his mouth opened to whisper a silent prayer.

“Please, help him, Lord Lucifer,” he began, “All I want is for him, for Papa, to get a peace of mind and just make him better. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s worrying all of us… So please, help him…”

Once he finished his thought, he looked back up to the statue, which had disappeared behind the thickening smoke.

Copia felt his lightheadedness grow stronger and overpower his sense of balance. The Cardinal’s eyes watered as he tried to see where the figure of Lucifer had gone. His thoughts became like static. He was unsure if the reality he was experiencing was real.

As he stood, his legs became weak and he lost all feeling in his body. The world around him swirled and became a mix of muffled sounds and smoke, the incense choking him. Despite the dizzying feeling overcoming him, he felt strangely at peace.

Copia’s hand reached out into the empty air, as if to grasp at something as his vision began to turn to white.

“Papa…” He called out to nobody.

His vision was taken away from him, and his body fell, but he never felt the ground beneath him. It was as if he was put in a deep slumber, floating in a black void.

Soon, his consciousness faded, and Copia accepted what he thought was death.

* * *

Down the dark hallways, the one known as the Special Ghoul sprinted along, almost in a frenzy.

Who could he report to? The Cardinal was unconscious, and Nihil was still on his way to the church. He knew full well of Papa’s silence, but he had to tell someone—anybody.

The moonlight waned, so Special had to rely entirely on memory to reach Papa’s quarters.

Special came to the stairway that led down into Papa’s room, and the hallway and stairwell had become completely dark. He was about to rush down to the door, when he heard a sound come from below.

The door moved, and a warm glow radiated beneath the door.

Knowing that it was Papa stirring in his room, Special rushed down the stairs, his footsteps echoing against the stone walls.

Before the ghoul reached the door, it had swung open before him.

Out of the door came Papa III, the imposing figure completely fitted out for a formal ritual—the black and white cloak draping down his body, and the white gloves pulled into the sleeves. In the glow of his room, Special could see that he didn’t wear his usual face paint, but instead looked like a skull, his eyes glowed with seriousness.

Had he worn the hat, Special would’ve thought it was Papa II returning from the dead.

“Papa…” The ghoul whispered in awe.

The priest stepped past him, his eyes staring far out at nothing, as if possessed. Special wanted to reach out and speak to him, but seeing his enigmatic form after days of no contact made the form of Papa appear almost as a spirit. Ephemeral.

The figure spoke for the first time in days.

“Where’s the Cardinal?” He asked, not even facing the ghoul. “Well?”

Special felt frozen in place. His voice faltered. “T-The Cardinal…”

Papa turned to face him, his eyes glowed with orange, as if there were flames ignited in his pupils. “Where is he?” He asked again with sternness.

Now Special was sure he was possessed. “He… Fainted.” Special muttered.

The glowing eyes widened. The restrained emotion only frightened the ghoul further. He was glad Papa couldn’t see his terrified face behind the metallic mask. “Fainted?” Papa repeated.

Special’s voice shook. “We found him in the church…. We… took him to his room…”

“Special.” Papa commanded. “Listen to me.”

The priest turned and grasped the chin of the ghoul, tilting up his face so he could stare right into his eyes. Special dared not to speak, but Papa’s cold, yet fiery eyes had already silenced him.

“Do _not_ follow me. Do not come to his room—not unless I say so. No one is allowed to come near it without my explicit permission. Got it?”

“Of course.” Special whimpered.

With that, Papa released him and turned away, running up the stairs in haste, his black cloak fluttering behind him.

Special wanted to speak with him more; about Nihil’s abrupt return, about the strangeness of the Cardinal, about his health… But it was futile as he ordered him to stay away.

He worried about Papa’s intentions. Though he could tell there was something else going on.

Why was he so concerned about the Cardinal...?

The ghoul felt he was left in the dark, like the rest of the church.

The church bell chimed.

Midnight again.

* * *

Copia’s mind was a dark, empty void, but his senses had begun to return. His fingers felt cotton sheets, and there was a warmth wrapped around him, and an even weight laid on top of him. He regained the strength to force his eyes open, where he only saw a darkened ceiling far above him. He noticed that his head was propped up on a pillow, and he laid on a bed.

He gathered that he was in his room, with the blankets pulled up to his chin.

So he had not died.

Before he could understand the rest of his surroundings, he heard a muffled noise coming from the outside of his room, along with a shuffle of footsteps and incoherent voices.

His ears strained to understand what was going on outside.

A deeper voice shot out of the murmuring voices, “Quiet!” it said. The other voices ceased.

Now there was only one pair of footsteps that moved, approaching Copia’s door.

The voices continued, their sounds growing in intensity.

The deep voice barked, “Be quiet!”

Instantaneous silence.

The voice continued. “Everyone must leave. No one is to remain here or come near until I give my expressed permission! Now go!”

There was a moment of silence, then a crowd of footsteps began to make their way far from the door, the clicking of heels fading into nothing.

Copia felt exhausted, and none of the sensations he felt cleared his mind or brought him back to reality. Perhaps he had to go back to sleep.

He was alerted to the sound of knocking. It felt like a pounding at his temple, so he retreated underneath the blankets, as if he could hide from the sound and return to silence.

The Cardinal heard the door creak open.

Even underneath the sheets, he saw light fill the room from the outside, as he heard a figure enter, and silently shut the door behind him. The room plunged back into darkness.

The footsteps strode over to the side of the bed where Copia was facing, and he tensed up at the presence.

Copia felt a warm touch on his shoulder. A hand. It gently rubbed him on top of the blankets, but the Cardinal felt comforted by it.

There was something familiar about it.

A low voice came from above. “Cardinal…”

_That voice…_

_Papa?_

Copia nearly ripped the covers off of him, but his restraint kicked in, so he only slid off the blanket as naturally as possible.

The moonlight shone in from the pulled back curtains, and Copia could see the visage of Papa, though in unusual skull face paint. Still, the face behind it was recognizable.

Copia felt overcome with emotion, as if his heart exploded. “Papa!” He cried.

He pushed himself up but stopped himself from moving further for fear of embarrassing himself.

Before Copia could truly grasp the events, his enigmatic superior spoke.

“There is much I need to explain to you, Cardinal.”

* * *

Papa had his back towards the Cardinal, his robes guarding his frame from Copia’s eye. He only stared out into the tall window, its curtains pulled away to let in the moonlight.

Copia, in the meantime, had reached his lamp across the queen-sized mattress to switch on, then giving light back into the room.

Seeing his superior in such a pensive state worried Copia, though most of his worries disappeared with Papa’s appearance.

What was he hiding?

Copia could no longer stand being in silence. He had to get those answers somehow.

“Papa...” he began, though it only came as a whisper out of timidity.

“Are you feeling better?”

Copia almost jumped from the strange response. He made himself crawl back to the edge of the bed to get nearer to Papa, whose back still faced him.

“Well, I... I’m fine.” Copia stated.

The priest turned to face the Cardinal, though with sadness still in his eyes, his face was blank and neutral. That poker face was one of the things Papa mastered.

He sauntered over to where Copia sat, his arms crossed behind his back. “Good.” Papa said. “I hate to see you like that.”

Copia felt the darkened eyes burn a hole through him, infecting him with a sort of embarrassment. Though he looked away, he could still feel the gaze penetrating him.

The priest sat down next to the Cardinal without another word.

Copia was sure that Papa could too feel the awkward tension in the air.

Papa took a deep sigh.

“I was wrong.” Papa whispered, just barely breaking the silence hanging in the air. “I was wrong about your feelings.”

Copia lifted his head to look towards Papa, whose head hung in shame, with eyes half open.

“What do you mean?”

Papa lifted his head, but only to stare blankly at the wall.

“I thought...” He paused. “I thought it would be over as soon as it began. But then I heard you say beyond the door...”

Copia’s eyes widened.

Papa shook his head and muttered. “You left me with a lot to consider.”

The Cardinal recalled what he said as he placed his forehead on Papa’s door that morning.

_“Know this, Master. I love you. Please, Papa. Know that I love you.”_

_He heard him?!_

Papa clenched his fists, balling up the fabric of his robes on his lap. His eyes forced themselves shut. “How could I be so selfish...?”

“Papa... What...?” Copia began, but silenced himself when Papa looked up at him.

Watery eyes, again. It clouded his gaze so Copia could not see any other emotion behind them.

“I must come clean to you. Before I can say anything more about how I feel about you, I must clear my conscience.”

Papa allowed himself to become vulnerable to him.

“In the beginning, I used you.” Papa said. “I used you for sex.”

Copia’s stomach dropped. “You—what?”

“Listen.” The priest continued, turning his gaze back towards the wall. “I watched you. I saw how on some nights you went to the church to reach the balcony. How you stared out at nothing. So I went and waited for you to come.... And that night, you did. Though I had many dreams beforehand. I was in your room, I loomed over you. You begged me to stop... I craved that face—that face of fear and lust... I wanted you so badly...”

Copia shook. It was as if Papa was a mirror reflecting his actions back to him—Papa had experienced the same feelings as he did.

Papa continued, his voice rising in intensity as did his gaze.

“Those nights I wanted you in my grasp... I wanted to take your body... I could only imagine it. It could never happen. I felt myself, thinking of you, until I fell asleep—maybe you’d be there in my dreams.”

Indeed, it all seemed too familiar to the Cardinal. Thinking of Papa, and imagining he’d be there in his room, and his hand reached for his crotch...

His thoughts were interrupted by Papa continuing to speak after a brief pause.

“It wasn’t as good as the real thing. It was all just visions. Dreams. So I had to trap you. I had to make you mine.” Papa turned his widened eyes to Copia. “But now, it’s completely changed. How I think and feel now is different than before. I deeply regret my actions. I’m... Deeply sorry.”

Papa’s eyes were full of the darkness that Copia had seen before. That night, he was pinned to the door and he saw it—a dark, all-encompassing void.

Copia then understood the darkness he saw in Papa. The darkness that he hid deep inside of him—his thirst, his hunger.

But what he saw in Papa was the same thing that Copia saw in himself.

He and the priest were the same—they both harbored those feelings for each other. They shared the darkness within. The only difference was that Papa made a move. Copia wanted to keep those feelings to himself, but Papa only brought them out.

They wanted to use each other for their selfish desires. But Copia planned to never actually go through with it—but Papa did.

Then maybe if he rejected Papa’s advances, then maybe he would’ve never let his feelings develop deeper than just infatuation.

If only Copia rejected his advances…

As if he’d seen the light, Copia rose from his seat on the bed, his eyes focusing hard at the moon looming in the window.

“I understand now.” The Cardinal spoke.

Copia felt a hand tightly grasp his wrist. He whipped his head around to see Papa standing with a stern look.

“Cardinal. I’m not finished.”

The Cardinal shook his head defiantly. “I’ve heard enough. I get it now.”

He was beginning to feel sick to his stomach.

He stared straight into his superior’s eyes. “I used you too. In my mind you were just an object of my desires. But when those desires became realized...”

Tears welled up in his eyes. He pushed his head down so Papa wouldn’t see him cry. “My feelings only grew deeper...! I couldn’t control them no matter how hard I tried—!”

“Cardinal.”

Copia didn’t want to hear his voice again. He raised his so Papa’s calm voice couldn’t be heard.

“It’s my fault, damn it! I should’ve said no!” Copia cried. “I should’ve stopped you. And I should’ve known that my lust would turn into…”

“Cardinal!”

The Cardinal stopped dead in his tracks, and he just noticed how his hands had gone to his superior’s robes to yank on them. At a snail’s pace, he lifted his head to look back up at Papa.

“It was my mistake too.” Papa whispered. There was a slight choke in his voice, as if holding back tears. “I too was selfish. I thought I could control my desires, but alas…”

Copia felt the familiar touch of Papa’s glove grace his chin. His fingers, though gentle, pulled Copia’s face towards his superior’s.

“I ended up falling in love with you.”

His words hit the Cardinal like a train.

As if time came to a standstill, everything in his body and mind froze.

_Papa is... In love with me?_

He felt his whole body shake and his muscles grew weak like before—before he fainted in the church.

Copia’s hands released the fabric, and he crumpled down to his knees. His hands felt only the hard ground below.

Copia could barely see the floor through the tears welling up in his eyes.

Though his feelings were reciprocated, it felt far more painful than letting his desires control him. Everything spiraled out of his control.

It was Copia who threw himself down this hole, but Papa had to follow him down.

Or was it Papa who jumped in first?

Copia could hear the creak of the floorboards due to Papa settling down on his knees. The Cardinal winced when he felt the priest’s hand touch his back.

“Copia,” the soothing voice came from above. “Please, don’t do this on the floor. Here, get up.”

He felt Papa’s hands grasp his wrists, pulling him upwards.

Rather than fight back, Copia let Papa pull him up off the floor, pushing himself up in the process. When he stood on shaky feet, Papa guided him back to the edge of the bed to sit down.

The Cardinal couldn’t face his superior out of pure embarrassment.

Copia relented. “I’m sorry.”

“I should apologize.” Papa solemnly replied. “I should’ve been more upfront about my feelings.”

_How could you be more upfront?!_ Copia thought.

“Here.”

The Cardinal didn’t know what Papa was doing, until he felt arms fold around him that pulled him into Papa’s chest. He felt the overwhelming heat overcome him again, and his face moved into his superior’s shoulder. Papa’s chin situated on Copia’s opposite shoulder. Copia in turn weakly returned the hug since Papa’s slim frame hid under a thick layer of priestly robes.

“I’m sorry.”

Copia did soon feel his tears dry as Papa continued to hold him, unmoving except for the rise and fall of his breath.

After some time, Copia felt the courage to ask a question that he felt was unresolved.

“Why, Papa? Why did you lock yourself away? Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

The priest fell silent with only his rhythmic heartbeat filling Copia’s ears. As if he thought harder, he pulled his subordinate tighter into his embrace.

“You would hate me.” Papa answered. “If I told you the truth, you would hate me. Plus,”

Papa dug his fingers into Copia’s scarlet robes. Tightly.

“I had to come to terms with my feelings.”

While Copia could agree that he too used that time to consider his feelings, but the only thing that bothered him was that it took Papa _that long_ to gain the courage to speak to his subordinate no less. It didn’t make sense. Papa was a strong person. He could deal with his feelings faster than several days, right?

Copia so badly wanted to ask how.

Maybe Papa was just as sensitive as Copia was, but rather shut himself away physically than mentally.

It still didn’t make sense in the end.

Either way, Papa was there, and that was the most he wanted.

And Papa too caught those feelings. Copia wasn’t alone. His love was reciprocated...

Copia felt a cold wind brush over him as Papa began to pull away from his arms.

The Cardinal desperately held onto his partner’s waist to keep him in place.

“Cardinal?” There was a twinge of worry in Papa’s voice.

Copia again buried his face in Papa’s chest. “I want you to keep holding me like this. Forever.” He felt his face turn hot for such a melodramatic reply, though it was true.

“I wish I could, but I cannot.” He said, gently tugging at Copia’s red caplet, as if to suggest to his subordinate to cease clinging onto him.

Copia turned his face upwards to Papa. “I don’t care. Could you at least try?”

The priest murmured something unintelligible in reply, with only the words “let go of me” Copia could discern.

He felt that Papa would draw away from him the second he let go.

Copia’s heart urged him to act. To do something that would at least allow him to be with his superior longer.

_Think of something quick. Now._

The Cardinal pushed himself into releasing one of his arms to dig his fingers into Papa’s hair and pull him into a kiss, his mouth opening onto his partner’s closed lips. Papa was hesitant at first, due to surprise, but feeling his subordinate’s lips again made his worries melt away. He gladly returned it by opening his and letting Copia enter his mouth with his tongue.

Though Copia had made the initial move, he found himself overpowered by Papa’s invasive tongue.

The priest’s body too overcame him physically, pulling and pushing Copia’s back down into the mattress. The move forced their lips apart, leaving only a trail of saliva connecting their mouths for another moment.

Copia found himself with his hand in his superior’s hair, the other clutching onto the priest’s robes, staring into the eyes with a face painted like a skull. It would’ve been so morbid if it wasn’t Papa behind the face paint.

“You’ve surprised me, Cardinal.” Papa said with a slight smirk across his face. “I thought you’d ask for permission first.”

“I got your attention, didn’t I?” Copia scoffed, though still thoroughly embarrassed at his own actions. “Don’t leave me here.”

His eyebrows rose. “When did I say I was leaving?” Papa took a moment to pull his hand up to Copia’s face. “Look at you. Your face is all red.”

“S-shut up.” He stuttered. Having had enough of Papa staring into his eyes, Copia pushed himself away, releasing the cloak from his hands. Papa in turn allowed the Cardinal away from his grasp so he could sit back up.

“Don’t be so embarrassed. You still want me, don’t you, Cardinal?”

Sensing Copia’s awkwardness, the priest decided to drop it and remain silent. He sat by, as if he waited for Copia to reply.

Though Copia didn’t speak.

He couldn’t bring himself to speak.

He still couldn’t shake the kiss he gave Papa out of desperation. He never had initiated anything like that before, nor could he recall ever kissing anyone like that.

Of course he wanted Papa. Why else would he kiss him like that?

At the same time, he didn’t want Papa. Rather, he _couldn’t_ have him.

For the bulk of his life, Copia had only been dedicated to his role in the church, and not once had he engaged in the idea of sleeping with anyone. It was his duty to focus on his work in the church. He couldn’t focus on his feelings or building a romantic relationship, especially with someone else within the church...

His duty. He must not bother with such feelings and focus singularly on his job.

Yet there he was. Happily embracing his superior and allowing him to have sex with him—at possibly the cost of his work—his life.

Copia had no other life outside the church.

Was he throwing away everything for Papa?

Though, he wasn’t sure which he wanted more—his duty or Papa.

Was any of it worth it?

Why did it have to come to this?

_Could it be possible to have both?_

“Cardinal?” The voice intruded on his thoughts.

Copia hadn’t realized how long he’d been staring at the wall, engrossed in his own thoughts.

“What?” He turned to look at Papa.

“Are you nodding off?”

“No. I was only thinking.” His thoughts still swarmed his mind. He still wanted some conclusion to his questions, but he knew he wouldn’t get them there and now.

Satan, he wanted his thoughts to stop.

_His duty, or Papa?_

“I can’t...” Copia thought aloud. “I don’t know what to do. What the hell am I doing...?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Copia saw Papa draw closer to him, leaning in near his face.

“Answer me.” There was a sternness in the priest’s voice. “Do you want to be with me?”

Copia took a deep breath. The right words slowly came to him, forming themselves into complete thoughts.

“Papa. Please promise me something.”

“Yes?”

Every word he searched for appeared in his mind.

“We’re not supposed to be together, but... I don’t want to lose my place in the church. I want to have my place here and with you...”

Copia shook his head at the growing doubt in his heart.

“I want you. And I want to stay here. Promise me that I can have both.”

Papa’s hot breath drew across Copia’s face.

“I promise.”

Papa’s quiet voice sent shivers down Copia’s spine, forcing a soft moan to emerge from his throat. The cotton glove met the other side of Copia’s face and gently ran down his neck to his collar.

He continued, “You are mine, Copia. And I will be yours.”

Copia felt the lips against his face, enticing him with the sensual contact. A shiver of relief and pleasure washed over him.

“Papa...” Copia whispered. “You...”

“Come,” Papa murmured into his partner’s ear. “Let’s go to bed.”

The red-faced Cardinal shut his eyes and nodded.

* * *

The warm glow of the room dampened the scarlet color of Copia’s robes, which had been tossed aside onto the floor next to Papa’s numerous layers of clothing. The black robes intermingled with the scarlet red clothes even on the bed, where Copia laid disrobed, his body lying beneath the pale figure of Papa.

It had gotten to that point again of Papa carefully prepping the Cardinal for sex.

Though this time, it felt cold to Copia. There was no heat or warmth of passion. It felt all too distant. Too methodical.

He barely winced feeling Papa’s fingers enter him again, though he did curl his toes at Papa’s unemotional gaze as he positioned himself over his subordinate.

Copia silently pleaded for the priest to stop looking at him with those cold eyes. He at least wanted to see embers of passion begin to stoke in his mismatched eyes.

Fear was something he did not want to feel in Papa’s presence.

Though it didn’t stop him from getting aroused.

“You know...” Papa’s voice became deep and sultry. “I’ve found it helpful carrying a bottle of lube just in case...”

Copia yelped at the nerve being teased inside of him.

“Papa...” Copia choked, as his body began to feel overstimulated by the priest. The longer he felt the fingers tease his insides, the harder it became for him to swallow his grunts and moans.

No matter what, his vocalizations still found a way to escape his mouth.

“Copia...” Papa murmured, “Do you like this?”

He could only bring himself to answer between quick breaths. “If you do too, Master.”

The Cardinal felt his face become flushed upon uttering the words, which only received a chuckle from Papa.

“You needn’t call me that if you don’t want to.” He said. “After all, this is to make up for my selfishness.”

His fingers plunged deeper than before, causing Copia to yelp again in response. They came dangerously close to causing Copia to scream Lucifer’s name in the dead of night.

Perhaps the overwhelming excitement he felt through Papa’s fingers had gotten to him, so much so that Copia felt alone in his pleasure. Papa’s eyes still remained stoic and cold even when pleasuring his submissive partner.

Copia wanted Papa to be just as passionate as the first time. He wanted to see the man who gave him his first orgasm. He wanted to see the man who forced a kiss on him. He wanted to see the man who fulfilled his sinful desires.

Copia so badly wanted to hear Papa moan his name.

He wanted Papa to want him back like he said he did.

Copia mindlessly reached up and draped his arms across his priest’s back, which brought Papa’s eyes to go to Copia in surprise.

“Papa, please...” Copia felt his face become red with his urgency. “Fuck me, already.”

Papa was taken by surprise. His wriggling fingers paused. “Copia?” His response too held a surprised tone.

He was sure in his pleasure-ridden delirium, Copia saw a glance of Papa on that fateful night—his wild, lustful eyes moving in slow motion.

“I want you. Show me that you feel the same.” Copia challenged the skull-faced priest. “Just like the first time…”

“Just like the first time…” Papa echoed, though with a bit of worry in his tone.

Copia furrowed his brows. “Don’t act so cold to me.” His voice turned out harsher than he intended. “Don’t hold yourself back.” He moved his hands up Papa’s back to grasp at his slicked-back hair, digging his fingers deep into his Master’s scalp.

Papa’s half-opened eyes gave him the look of thinking deeply about his subordinate’s words.

“I don’t want to use you.” Papa muttered. “Not like then—“

“It’s what I want,” Copia blurted out. “I want you to fuck me. _Like then_.”

Papa furrowed his brows in worry as he gazed at his partner below him.

He sighed as he made his decision.

The wet fingers retreated from Copia’s insides to return to his side, as Papa adjusted himself on his knees.

Copia moved his hands down to Papa’s shoulders.

Papa returned his gaze to Copia, his eyes brimming with intensity.

“Open your legs.” He ordered with a low growl.

Upon gazing into Papa’s eyes, Copia saw the fiery passion return.

The Cardinal widened his eyes as he shyly, yet willingly obeyed his superior.

“Yes, Master.”

Though he obeyed, he felt Papa’s hands push against his thighs, startling Copia with the forceful separation of his legs.

Copia bit back a moan. Papa’s fingers pushing against his flesh...

The moment paused as Papa leaned down to kiss Copia. Though it seemed to only be a small kiss, The Cardinal went to deepen it by pressing his tongue against the priest’s lips, attempting to force his mouth open. Papa obliged, moaning deeply into his subordinate’s mouth. Copia felt Papa’s hand travel down his thigh and meet his waist, almost as if to give him leverage over his submissive partner.

They both stopped when their erections brushed against each other.

Copia could tell that Papa was blushing underneath his face paint judging by his widened, surprised eyes.

“Papa...” Copia broke the awkward silence against his superior’s lips.

“I know.” He mumbled.

As Papa adjusted himself, Copia kept his eyes on Papa, who for once seemed embarrassed—it was far much unlike him.

Perhaps he didn’t expect to get hard from just kissing. Copia didn’t recall him being hard before that... Was he just not paying attention?

His thoughts were interrupted by Papa squeezing his waist.

Within a second, Copia met with the familiarity of Papa’s cock entering him with a slow but forceful push.

Copia shut his eyes and cried in response. He pulled his head away from Papa’s tensed face.

“Ah… Copia.” The priest moaned.

It was arousing to hear the lustful priest’s moan, though Copia tensed up at the foreign object intruding into his body.

He heard Papa gasp.

“You feel amazing.” Papa continued with his moan. “You’re so tight...”

Copia goaded him, “More. Please, Papa...”

He tried to relax his body as Papa pulled and thrusted again, but very quickly it hit a nerve that sent a shock through his body.

“Oh god-“ Copia gasped. “Yes... More like that.”

Copia’s nails dug into his superior’s back.

The force of Papa’s cock pushed into him. “Harder.” Copia cried. “Harder!”

Papa chuckled. “How much more will you beg for me?”

Another pull and thrust sent another shock of pleasure that rocked Copia’s body, which he vocalized with a cry.

“Papa!” Copia gasped and cried, unaware of his volume. “Oh god, Papa!”

“Beg for it.” Papa ordered between another powerful thrust. “Beg for me-!”

“I want it-! More! Faster! Papa—“ he choked.

Papa continued to follow Copia’s demands by thrusting harder and faster, his fingers in return digging further into Copia’s hips.

But like a knife penetrating skin, Copia felt a sudden stab of pain shock his body. He yelled in pain mixed with pleasure.

Though with every push and pull, Copia felt the stabbing pain again and again.

Lord Satan, it hurt.

It needed to hurt more.

Soon, the pain overwhelmed the feeling of pleasure, but to Copia, the feelings became synonymous.

Papa grunted too in pain, as the Cardinal’s nails raked against his back.

“Lucifer-!” Papa gasped. “You’re going to make me-“

Papa slowed down to another thrust as he reached his physical limit.

Papa’s voice cracked as he cried out in pleasure, calling Copia’s name loud enough for the whole church to hear.

Copia felt the pain become replaced with sticky heat as Papa ejaculated inside of him.

For Copia, in a moment his cock released its pressure all at once, sending a shockwave up and down his entire body. He could only yell namelessly as his vision became blank again. His body went limp. The arms that held on for dear life fell down to his sides, feeling the cold sheets below.

“Oh god...” Papa panted. “I’ve never...”

Finally, Copia felt Papa withdraw hiscock from his partner’s exhausted body.

The Cardinal looked up at Papa with half-opened eyes, panting heavily. “Papa...”

The priest flopped down to the side, rolling himself onto his back. He panted heavily.

“Copia...” Papa groped around with his eyes tightly shut. His hand made contact with Copia’s, which he took,interlacing his fingers with his subordinate’s.

“Dear god-“ Papa blurted as he choked on his own breath. “I’ve never cum that hard before.”

“You’re welcome.” Copia responded jokingly. Yet when he went to adjust his legs, a shot of pain ran up his spine, which he vocalized unintentionally.

“Copia?” Papa’s voice became worried. He released his partner’s hand and pushed himself up to look down at his subordinate.

The Cardinal smiled weakly with his eyes shut in pain. “I’m alright, I just-“

Though he couldn’t see Papa’s face, he could tell he was horrified through his voice.

_“My god, you’re bleeding!”_

Copia shot his eyes open and saw Papa staring horrifically at his hand, which was blotted with red.

Without regards to his pain, Copia pushed himself up, but the horrible pain overcame him, as if a knife had stabbed him through his rectum.

He doubled over in pain and fell into the priest’s arms, where even in the shadow of the dim light he could see that Papa’s limp member was covered in blood. The pain was too much for him to continue to panic, so he retreated into the safety his superior’s chest.

“Wait here-“ Papa’s panicked voice. “I should have something here...”

Papa quickly yet carefully laid Copia down on his side as he leapt up from the bed and ran into the side room where the bathroom was located.

The Cardinal heard the light flicker on and the sound of frenzied opening and rummaging through cabinets.

Every slight movement he made, a shock of pain went through him.

Copia pulled at his sheets and winced. He felt some warm liquid exit his rectum.

He didn’t want to find out if it was Papa’s cum, or his own blood.

The rummaging stopped, and soon heard a rush of water fall into an empty tub.

The stabbing pain. It was the worst pain Copia had ever felt.

_Yet, in some way..._

Copia felt arms reach underneath his legs and wrap around his back. Papa grunted as he lifted up his subordinate and carried him bridal style into the bathroom.

With his body jerked around, another shot of pain ran through him. “Shit-!” Copia gasped.

Soon enough, his body was placed in hot water that smelled gently of mint. The splash from his body was followed by another, as Papa climbed in, settling himself behind Copia.

Though he was pulled into a tight embrace in the water, Copia looked up at Papa’s face which distorted itself in anger and fear.

The priest’s wild eyes met Copia’s. For a moment he was afraid.

“Why didn’t you tell me-?!” Papa scolded. “I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“It’s what I wanted!” Copia stubbornly retorted. “I wanted you to hurt me.”

“Why? Why Copia?!” Papa nearly shouted in frustration.

The realization made Copia bite his lip and turn away from Papa’s eyes.

“It felt good.” Copia finished. “So good...”

“Copia…” Papa’s concerned voice overcame the sound of the disturbed water, though it dropped in volume. “Why did you... I didn’t...”

Papa shook his head.

The warmth of the bath came to soothe Copia’s heightened nerves. He moved his face away from Papa.

While Papa embraced him from behind, the overwhelming warm scent of mint filled his nostrils, it all combined into a wrap of warmth and calmness.

Only then did Copia feel Papa’s warmth return. The warmth overcame the pain and it drifted away in the reddened bath water.

_How odd._ Copia thought. How can a bath soothe his pain so quickly...?

Copia felt that he was nodding off, even as Papa helped him out of the bath to dry off and return to bed. Feeling unimaginably sleepy, Copia unknowingly fell into Papa’s arms, utterly exhausted physically and emotionally.

Once Copia opened his eyes again, he laid in bed, facing Papa, who held him in a naked embrace. Papa’s gentle fingertips felt up and down his partner’s back, almost to a slow rhythm akin to breathing.

Copia felt no pain, but his heart ached horribly feeling Papa’s tenderness after that moment of anger in the bath. It all had happened so quickly, yet so slowly...

“Papa…” Copia whimpered. “I…”

“Copia…” Papa called in a whisper. “I love you, my dear Copia…”

He wanted to cry just then and there, but instead he buried his face into his superior’s chest and sobbed bitterly. Papa only held him and continued to stroke his partner’s back, all the while tears dripped out of his closed eyes.

* * *

Special’s stomach churned at the sounds that played loudly in his mind, and it made him stagger away from Copia’s room. Though he tried to be quiet, he forced his hand to cover his mouth to stop him self from being noticed by anyone.

Once he was down a flight of stairs, away from the doors of the Cardinal’s room, the ghoul fell to his knees and gasped for air.

The screams of pain and pleasure…They called out each other’s names…

_The Cardinal and Papa... They were fucking..._

It was his mistake for daring to defy Papa’s orders. Special knew he shouldn’t have disobeyed him.

The things Special imagined happening in there were too much for him to process.

He bolted down the hall back to his own quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I turned up the angst in this chapter, if you couldn't tell. I tried to tone it down as I kept writing it, but it happened anyway.
> 
> The next chapter is probably going to have no sex and only plot. Boring, I know. I'm sure it's only going to end up being shorter than before.
> 
> I love exploring these two and their dynamics. I still don't think this isn't all canon compliant, but I digress.
> 
> Thank you so much for 20 Kudos! I'm glad that this many people enjoyed it!
> 
> See you in the next chapter!


	3. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa Nihil’s return sparks questions of Papa III’s past, with answers unknown to Copia.
> 
> While things settle down, Special struggles with the knowledge of Papa and Copia’s relationship.

When the morning came, Special was the first to be up and about, and to see the church and its surroundings covered with a dense fog.

He had barely gotten sleep, anyway. No use laying in bed with his eyes wide open.

Even still, he had to watch for Nihil’s return.

Special was worried as neither Papa nor Copia showed their faces as the morning progressed.

Perhaps they were still in bed, wrapped up in each other...

The ghoul tried to get the image out of his mind. But the thought of Papa getting knocked up with the Cardinal was too much to bare.

What was Papa thinking? Being sick and all and then having sex with the Cardinal after he fainted?

Special wondered if Papa was planning something. It was all too out of character of him. Not to mention, Papa never showed an interest in men. Why now?

Something more must be going on. 

Finally, he spotted a car pull up to the empty road at the bottom of the hill. Nihil had finally arrived.

Still, with no sign of the Cardinal or Papa, Special figured he should take up the duty of greeting Nihil. He motioned with his hand to a couple of ghouls to follow him down to help the aging priest.

As he made his way down and out onto the road, he could see the old priest struggle to pick up his luggage.

Special quickly made it to his side and pulled the luggage from his hands. The other ghouls flanked him, so he handed the luggage to them.

“Oh, thank you.” Nihil meekly replied to their help.

Special nodded. “No problem, Papa Nihil. We could see you struggle from the church.”

“It’s not easy being old.” Nihil croaked.

Special gave a slight, awkward chuckle. He wondered when Papa was going to show up and take hold of the situation.

Still, he knew he had to step up for Papa. It was his duty to directly serve him, even if he was off breaking the rules.

The other ghouls shuffled their way back up to the church, swinging the doors open and bringing the luggage inside to Nihil’s quarters, away from the two of them.

Special trailed behind with Nihil in toe, who appeared confused at the Cardinal’s absence.

Was Papa still unwell?

They reached the staircase that led up to the Cardinal’s quarters, but Special found that his feet couldn’t move past the first step.

Papa’s stern warning echoed in his mind. There was no way he could defy him, even now. He did it last night and faced the consequences of knowing... That.

Nihil certainly took notice.

“Special? Is something the matter?” He inquired.

“We cannot-“ Special caught himself. Was it right to speak of Papa’s odd order?

The old priest looked confused.

A duo of footsteps echoed from above, implying that two people had begun to descend the staircase.

Was it them?

By some grace of Satan, Papa revealed himself in the dark robes, descending the staircase that led up to Copia’s private quarters.

The robes were identical to the ones he appeared in the night before. Special had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying anything incriminating in their presence.

Behind him was the Cardinal himself, fully dressed in red, looking dignified, albeit sleepy.

Nihil looked surprised seeing his descendent with the Cardinal.

“What’s this?” Nihil questioned as the duo made it down the last of the stairs.

“Good morning to you, old man.” Papa greeted with a tinge of sarcasm. Special noted to himself how different Papa looked compared to the night before—no longer a spectral force, but a charming, powerful man.

He could say that Papa looked like he’d gone back to his normal self.

Copia, on the other hand, looked exhausted and lethargic.

Only Special could guess why.

Nihil stuttered. “What- What’s the meaning of this? Cardinal?”

The Cardinal stepped forward reluctantly. He kept his eyes turned downward and his head bowed in embarrassment.

“He—“ Copia swallowed. “He’s fine now. He was just ill for a few days.”

Nihil didn’t seem pleased. He turned to his descendent.

“Ill? I don’t believe it. I was told that you wouldn’t speak, you wouldn’t eat—so what’s all this then? You can’t just recover overnight!”

“That part is none of your business. I had my issues and I’ve dealt with them.”

“It  _ is my business! _ ” Nihil retorted. “What even happened to you?”

“It has been dealt with, Nihil.” Papa said firmly.

“Don’t you dare make me worry like that again!” The old priest scolded, jabbing his finger into Papa’s chest for emphasis. Papa, on the other hand, looked completely unamused.

Though Special could tell that Nihil was worried about Papa through the lack of actual anger in his voice. It sounded just like a parent scolding their young child.

“I wouldn’t be so worried if you had a son already—“

Suddenly, Papa’s eyes grew wide and he snatched Nihil’s prodding hand away, his grip squeezing the old priest’s wrist.

Copia and Special recoiled in shock.

“Don’t speak of that here  _ again _ _._” Papa threatened.

With that, he released the old priest’s arm and turned away in a huff, his angered steps echoing away down the hallway.

Indeed, Papa was childless. Which only brought conflict among the clergy, especially from Nihil. Special knew it in extreme detail, as he saw all of the events happen right in front of him.

Special had never seen Papa so emotional since then—the whole deal with his wife. 

The anger though, however…

Special turned to glance at Copia, who looked on in a mix of confusion and shock.

Nihil turned to the Cardinal, only with a scowl on his wrinkled face.

“I didn’t think he would recover...” The Cardinal muttered. “I was worried.”

Nihil huffed. “Keep your emotions in line, Cardinal. I didn’t cut my business short for my time to be wasted.”

The Cardinal bowed in shame. “I’m... Sorry, Papa Nihil. It won’t happen again.

The old priest sighed and turned away. “I should have listened to Sister... Always over emotional. Though she said it was my fault carrying it down through the family...” His voice trailed off as he rambled on about something.

Seeing Nihil beginning to trudge off, Special pulled himself to Nihil’s side to grab his wrist.

“Papa Nihil, you must be wary after your journey. Perhaps we go and get you a meal.”

“A meal?” Nihil had to wait for the gears in his brain to turn and work for him. “Yes. Yes, that would be good.”

The pit in Special’s stomach only grew larger as he guided the old priest away from Copia, who looked on with a sadness permeating on his face. 

He wondered if it was a good idea to speak with Nihil about Papa and Copia’s illicit relationship.

It wasn’t a burden he wanted to bare further.

But to speak of it to Nihil... what would it accomplish?

* * *

The fog had rolled away by noon, yet the sun had failed to peak through the high clouds that stood silently in the sky. A cool wind brushed over the church, scattering the leaves that found their way onto the stone pathways of the church.

Copia stood below the gothic cathedral in the silent garden, on a stone brick pathway that led upwards to the church and down to the empty roadway. He gazed at the purple and red flowers that waved and shook in the wind, his red robes too fluttering about.

He remembered that Papa had said how Nihil didn’t want him here—how it was solely Papa’s choice to have him be the new frontman.

Though it didn’t help how embarrassed and awful he felt being scolded by the senior of the clergy.

How awful it felt to dedicate his life to the church to only be vindicated by the de facto leader...

On top of it all, the haunting memory of the previous night plagued him with images and sounds of anguish. How terrified Papa looked, how angry and worried he sounded...

The ungodly pain was gone, but the memory was still there.

It made him feel sick. He wanted the day to be over so he could sleep off his shame and painful memories if it were possible.

“Cardinal.”

Copia felt startled, but turned around to see Papa, covered in a thick cloak that shrouded his cassock. His shoes clacked as the priest made his way towards his subordinate.

“Down in the garden, I see.” Papa remarked. “I was wondering where you went.”

“Uh, yeah...” Copia mumbled. “I needed a... Quiet place.”

Papa came to stand beside Copia. His eyes went down to the flowers. He gave a hearty sigh.

“My mother showed me how to make ethers and potions with everything we grew here.” Papa solemnly spoke.

Copia thought about the mint-scented bath that helped his pain.

“So the bath—“

“Yes.” Papa cut Copia off. “It’s a special blend of herbs and other plants. Though, it takes some preparation. It needs to be blessed and enchanted.”

Copia nodded along, though uncertain of the concept of enchantments.

“I didn’t think I’d have to use it again...”

Copia could almost hear the pain in Papa’s voice.

Though he felt like he was going to vomit if he thought of last night’s ordeal again. It was one thing to remember his rectal pain, but it was another thing to remember what caused it—emotional pain couldn’t be solved by medicinal baths.

The worst of it was Copia couldn’t decide whose fault it was. But he knew both him and Papa felt guilty.

“Papa. Please.” Copia pleaded through clenched teeth.

“I’m sorry.” Papa mumbled in reply. “These past few days have been rough for the both of us. And for Nihil...”

Copia recalled the anger he saw in Papa’s eyes when Nihil uttered the word “son”.

It was frightening, to say the least.

Is that why they searched for another frontman? Because Papa didn’t have any children?

There’s no one to carry on the family line?

Copia wrung his wrists. “Papa...?”

Papa turned to Copia in interest.

“What was with you and Nihil earlier?”

Papa seemed reluctant to reply.

“It had something to do with you not having children?” Copia continued.

He sighed. “Yes. I have no wife or children. Though it was of no fault of my own, the old man still harbors that sort of resentment towards me.Of course, I didn’t mean to snap at him.”

_ No fault of his own? _

“I should probably clarify, Cardinal.” Papa lowered himself down to the flowers, his gloved hand reaching out to touch the stem of a bright red flower. “I  _ did _ have a wife.”

Copia’s stomach dropped. “What?”

Papa pulled the flower out of the ground with an audible snap. His attention was square on the petals. His delicate fingers brushed and prodded them.

He continued in a lower tone. “It was imperative for me to have a successor, with the passing of Papa I and II. So of course, I got married early on into my career as frontman.” He paused to push himself up, the flower still in hand. “That didn’t work out in the end.”

Copia stared intently at Papa, whose face was calm, yet his dull eyes left him appearing deep in reflection.

“I shouldn’t bore you with these life details. They don’t matter anymore.” Papa’s tone turned sour.

“What happened to your wife?”

A scowl came over his face, wrinkling the dried face paint with it. From the stem, he plucked off a leaf that left another snap.

“That...”

Papa looked on at the ground in resentment and restrained anger.

He shook his head. “It doesn’tmatter anymore...”

_ What the hell does that mean? _

“Oh... I’m sorry.” Copia could only say.

A wind blew over the garden, which blew the leaf out of Papa’s hand, circling upwards and away. Once it had calmed, Papa turned back to Copia, extending his arm with the flower in hand.

“Here. This is for you.” Papa said.

Copia felt surprised by the gesture. Was it meant to be romantic, or just spur of the moment?

He waited a moment before taking it. He mumbled a “thank you” because of his mild surprise and apprehension.

The flower petals were a deep crimson, unlike any flowers he had seen before. Red like blood. Fresh blood.

The blood on Papa’s hand. His horrified face. The horrible pain.

Copia’s voice shook. “Is it really wise for me to be with you? You still need a successor, don’t you?”

Papa huffed.

The hostility in his voice returned as he turned away. “If Nihil really wanted one he’d force me to have one by now.”

The Cardinal felt it unnecessary to prod Papa further with questioning. He seemed to have had enough of obligations forced upon by Nihil.

He could feel the priest’s eyes still, despite him having turned away.

“You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want to.” Papa spoke, seeing Copia’s half-glazed stare upon the flower. “It’s just a symbol of devotion.”

“Devotion?” Copia only grew more confused.

Papa seemed mildly displeased with the Cardinal not understanding him. He came back to the side of his subordinate.

“It’s to mean I’m devoted to you.” Papa sighed. “You don’t have to keep it, as just giving it to you is a symbol enough—“

Copia blushed as he realized the gesture was meant to be romantic.

Despite everything, Papa still wanted to be with him, it seemed.

“I’m sorry.” The blushing Cardinal said. “I’m not familiar with romantic, uh... Gestures. I’ve never really been in a romantic relationship before, no less been in love. I guess that’s partly why I can’t believe that you would choose to—“

“You’ve never been in love? I doubt that.” Papa appeared shocked.

“Is it not possible for this to be the first time I’ve been in love?”

He could tell through Papa’s apprehension that he didn’t want to mention something.

“Of course not. You just seem, well...” Papa struggled to find the right word. “Experienced.”

Copia wanted to die right then and there. _“Experienced”?!_ Did Papa really think he, the life-long virgin until recently, was that skillful in bed? He was just about as skillful as a plank of wood!

He was sure he made a face that conveyed pure embarrassment with Papa responding by softening his face in pity.

“Goodness, Cardinal.”

Papa approached Copia and grasped his face to gently tilt it up towards his face. His thumb brushed away a few stray hairs that had gotten loose in the wind.

“Please. You don’t have to worry about how I feel, I’ll be devoted to you regardless of anything. That’s what my heart already decided on.”

The sun peaked out of the clouds, casting its light on the two of them, particularly onto Papa’s painted black and white face. The unnatural eye caught the light, and it shone like a brilliant clear crystal.

_Lucifer, Papa was beautiful._ Copia thought.

Though Papa touching him so sensually out in the open terrified Copia.

What if someone saw them?

When Papa leaned in close, Copia pressed his fingers firmly against his superior’s chest, thus interrupting the action.

“Not here—“ Copia murmured. “Someone will see us.”

Papa snorted. “No one comes down here besides me. No one will see us.”

“But Papa—“

The priest silenced him with the interrupted kiss.

Though it lasted a while, Papa refrained from enticing Copia to open his mouth or even hum or moan against his lips. For once, it was a normal kiss.

Despite its normality, Copia couldn’t help but feel uneasy and anxious out in the open.

He wanted Papa so badly, but he couldn’t let anyone know about it.

When Papa pulled away, Copia felt his own fingers dig into Papa’s shirt, the flower curled between his fingers.

The Cardinal could feel Papa’s eyes burn a hole through him as he focused on his tense fingertips.

He should’ve pushed him away. He should’ve just pushed him away.

His conflicted emotions returned with a vengeance. His need to be in the church, but he also needed Papa...

He pulled his hands away. “I... Need to go.” Copia mumbled.

As quickly as he could, he moved past Papa and treaded back up the path leading towards the church.

Even if no one saw their rendezvous, the crippling shame of knowing felt enough like a thousand of eyes watched and judged him.

Was he destined to be the homewrecker for the whole clergy if Papa doesn’t bare a son before long?

Copia blocked that thought out of his mind before he could scare himself further.

* * *

A few days had passed without incident, but everything felt distant and cold due to the scare they had before Nihil’s return. Tensions were especially felt by Copia, who tried his best to not get caught up in strife from either Nihil or Papa.

The last thing he wanted was to be put into another compromising situation. It certainly wasn’t the time for another one.

Copia had spent the few days to try to get back on Nihil’s good side before Sister Imperator would return and kick things into high gear.

The work on the next album would begin.

Even so, Copia juggled between doing menial tasks for the old priest and writing song ideas and possible lyrics. Though he tried to do it all by himself, he soon had no choice but to ask Papa for advice.

The Cardinal tried his best to not get caught in Papa’s business.

He needed to keep suspicions low, anyway. If he were constantly at the priest’s heels, then surely someone would suspect something.

Plus he felt a tad guilty for rudely leaving him in the garden. Interacting with him again after that just felt off.

Seeing Papa again come into his room made Copia’s heart flutter.

Though he felt uncomfortable letting Papa read his scribbles, he still wished for some kind of advice.

He sat awkwardly next to Papa on his own bed, watching the priest quietly read the pages of the notebook.

“I like your ideas so far.” Papa commented after a long stretch of silence. “I think this one should be the next single.”

Papa pointed to a page full of lyrics with some of the worst writing Copia’s ever done. (In his opinion, at least.)

“Really? It’s not very... Grand and spectacular.” Copia mused.

Papa looked back up to Copia. “The simpler it is, the better. The simplest song I wrote won a Grammy anyway.”

Copia gave him the side eye. “You  really think this one would make a Grammy winner?”

“That’s just my opinion.” Papa shrugged.

“Ok then,” Copia waved his hands with emphasis. “What’s your Grammy award-winning opinion for the name of this song?”

Papa gave him a blank stare. “Rats.”

The Cardinal mirrored his stare. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Your song is about rats.” He said plainly. “So it should be titled ‘Rats’.”

“It’s not so much the  rats but what they’re  carrying —“

“They’re just as, if not more important than just disease. They are the ones carrying it and spreading it, right? So it should be titled ‘Rats’.”

There was no use in arguing with Papa, it seemed.

“Okay fine!” Copia threw up his hands in defeat. “It’s about rats. What do you think the chorus should be?”

The Cardinal saw Papa’s lips curl into a smirk.

“What?”

Papa tried to answer without laughing. “Rats.”

“I can’t believe you!”

With Papa’s earnest laugh, Copia felt like he’d fallen in love all over again.

After some more back and forth, Papa had decided that it was time to wrap up for the day.

As the priest approached the door, Copia suddenly had the urge to speak as he got up to see him off.

“Papa.”

He looked over his shoulder. “Yes?”

Copia swallowed. “I’m... Sorry about the other day in the garden. I was very rude to you.”

Papa had a slight smirk draw across his face as he turned to face Copia again.

“You... Shouldn’t apologize.” Papa placed his hands on Copia’s shoulders. “I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I?”

Copia nodded slightly. “Still, I should’ve said something. Instead I just avoided you...”

Papa shook his head. “Don’t worry about it anymore.”

He moved his hands away from Copia’s shoulders and they moved up to cup his face. Copia couldn’t help but blush from the contact.

The priest smiled and pulled him into a kiss.

Copia wanted to savor it more, but Papa pulled away before he could. He’d already dug his fingers into Papa’s shoulders.

“You’re so sensitive.” Papa paused for a moment and murmured into his partner’s lips. “I love you, Copia.”

“I... I love you, Papa.” Copia whispered back.

When the Cardinal felt his partner move away, he pulled onto Papa’s shirt. He didn’t want him to leave just yet. “Please, Papa. Stay here.” He whimpered.

Papa was close to his lips still. “Copia...”

He pulled tighter. “Please. Sleep here tonight. Papa, I want you.”

“Not now, Copia.” He hushed his partner. “I want you to get fully healed from your injury before we do it again. I don’t want the wound to open up.”

“We don’t have to do it like that—“ he tried to argue. “Nothing that would compromise it.”

Papa shook his head. “I’m not comfortable with it, Cardinal. Get some sleep, we have more work to do tomorrow.”

Even if he wanted to, Copia still had to wait until his body fully recovered from the incident.

With it, Copia was left in his room alone.

So badly he wanted to feel Papa’s body again... But it would have to wait for the time being.

There was no point in trying to convince Papa into anything, especially after the incident. As if he wanted to unknowingly hurt his subordinate again.

Even so, it was hard for Copia to understand that.

Despite it all, Copia felt relatively comfortable in his situation. Finally, he felt attached to the present and began to work on his future. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long.

It all felt okay until all of the events collided with him that night, leaving him unable to sleep.

The occurrences of the recent days all melded together in a hodgepodge of grief, pain, and worry that left Copia still reeling from it all.

Papa was sick, then he fainted, then Papa confessed his love, then Copia let himself get injured, then Nihil returned.... The events all happened so fast, it was hard for him to believe.

Even if he tried, Copia couldn’t relax as he had yet to process it all at once.

That and he and Papa were in some kind of relationship—!

And what of Papa’s past? What of his wife?

How could he even sleep if his thoughts still ran circles around in his head?

His thoughts went to the flower Papa gave him.

“Goddamnit.” Copia whispered to himself under the numerous layers of sheets and blankets. 

He was fine before then, so why now? Why’d it have to happen now?

Was it that kiss that set him off?

There really was no way he was going to fall asleep on his own. Copia just had to get up and get away, even for a few minutes.

Copia released his tense fingers from the sheets and pushed himself up off the bed, settling his feet into his shoes before silently leaving his room.

* * *

Special’s arms slumped over the railing as he looked onward at the night, the scenery had disappeared into the darkness, leaving a void below.

From up there, he could see that the light in Papa’s room had yet to go out.

The ghoul always thought that Papa was more of a night owl anyway.

It was because of him that his sleep schedule was inconsistent.

Special practically had to become Papa’s assistant for everything—to speak at interviews in his place, do errands while on tour, perform last-minute duties... All at the cost of his sleep and bit of his sanity.

It all came to that after the whole thing with his wife.

That’s when Special had to become the shoulder to cry on.

Is that why he felt sick when he heard his master’s moans in bed with Copia? Had he essentially been replaced and emotionally cheated on by Papa?

He had to leave it in the past, but the burden only continued to grow worse and worse. Special couldn’t just ruin it all for him, right?

His thoughts were interrupted by approaching footsteps. Special tried to not act startled at the sudden presence.

Through the darkness, he could see a figure in a large robe, shuffling down the walkway towards him. He could see through the washed face and messy hair that it was Copia, watching his steps as he walked.

Special wasn’t even sure if Copia saw him.

He thought it’d be best to make his presence known.

“Good evening, Cardinal.” He greeted.

Surprisingly, the hunched over figure stopped and turned towards him.

“Oh. It’s you, Special.”

“Why are you up at this hour, Cardinal? Any business to take care of?”

“No reason.” Copia’s odd accent came through his speech. “I just can’t get to sleep.”

The ghoul tried hard to figure out where he heard the accent before.

“You know, Cardinal...” he began with hesitancy. “You’re starting to sound a lot like Papa.”

The Cardinal appeared shocked, as if he’d been blindsided by a thrown ball.

“Really?” Copia couldn’t hide his surprise.

Special too felt blindsided. “I mean your accent sounds a lot like Papa. Did you just start.... Sounding like that?”

The ghoul cursed at himself for being so awkward to the future frontman.

“How would I know?” The Cardinal sputtered while waving his hands around for emphasis.

They both could feel how awkward this exchange had become.

Special had to drive the conversation elsewhere.

“I guess you’re just troubled, too.”

Copia remained silent for a second, as if he were letting his guard down. “You can say that.”

Special was surprised to see the Cardinal join him by the railing, he too folding his arms across the railing.

“Special?”

The ghoul cocked his head in response.

“Do you know a lot about Papa? I’ve been wondering about something.”

Special couldn’t help but snort in reply. “Of course I do. I’ve practically been his shadow for years. Been on tour, done all that...”

The Cardinal’s face did not look happy, but rather worried.

Special had to stop himself.

“Please, give me an answer.” Copia leaned in to whisper. “Please don’t tell anyone else, but tell me... What happened to his wife?”

Special swallowed. So Copia knew that much about Papa already.

“They essentially got divorced.” He replied in a hushed voice.

Copia’s eyebrows shot up. “Divorced?”

All the drama Special had suppressed had to be brought up again, it seemed. The issue was trying to remember it all.

“Well, she ended up not liking him as much as he liked her.” Special tried to summarize. “And there was a possible instance of her cheating, I think.”

Special sighed, his eyes becoming unfocused on his surroundings. His arms folded on top of the railing, moving to rest his chin on his arms.

“The worst part was that Nihil tried to get them to stay together.”

The pain Papa had gone through to get her to stay with him... It was painful for Special too. He watched Papa collapse reading her goodbye note. He was inconsolable. For days.

“He did love her, but she didn’t. It took him far too long to get over it. I think he blames Nihil for ruining his chances of getting her back. Nihil was too focused on a successor, at least...”

The ghoul figured that all of this was a shock to Copia, since Papa’s personal affairs were kept a secret from the rest of the clergy.

Strangely, he didn’t hear a peep out of the Cardinal.

Instead, the Cardinal too stared off into the blackened scenery, his eyes cold and focused—though at nothing.

The sight reminded Special of the sudden appearance of Papa from his quarters that night. Cold, yet focused eyes that stared into eternity.

Copia murmured, breaking the silence. “Why didn’t he tell me...?”

Special’s stomach churned at the words. He remembered hearing Papa screaming Copia’s name.

“I don’t know, but...”

He turned to look at Copia, who was now only a few inches away from him.

“There are many reasons why Papa wouldn’t tell you, or really just anyone. But he could tell me because, well... It’s essentially my job.”

Special got up from the railing and turned away, his back facing the Cardinal. He felt his left hand grip the railing as if to put off his restrained grief.

“To be the shoulder to cry on...”

Silence returned. Not even the wind blew to interrupt the stagnant quiet air.

Special felt something tighten in his chest.

“Though I feel I that it’s your job now.” Special choked. “You were there for him that night...”

He knew that something in the both of them snap.

Special just revealed what he knew in his tone alone. There was no time to run from the consequences.

Copia’s hands yanked the ghoul’s shoulders back suddenly, but Special was more than prepared.

“Special? What do you—“ Copia’s frightened voice vibrated in his ears. “What do you mean?”

“I know it, Cardinal.” Special shook his head as it sunk beneath his shoulders. “I heard you. You and Papa...”

Special couldn’t finish his sentence. He’d already admitted to his defeat.

“No— No Lucifer, no....” Copia stammered in disbelief. His hands released the ghoul’s shoulders. “You can’t—!”

“I know.” He repeated.

Special heard an odd sound. He turned around to see the Cardinal on his hands and knees, his fingers curling.

It was horribly pathetic to look at. Special couldn’t bring himself to look at the groveling Cardinal. He turned away.

The hands again pulled, but at his leg this time.

“Special, please!” Copia wailed. “Don’t tell anyone, I beg you! I’m begging you—“

Feeling absolutely disgusted by Copia and his admission of guilt, Special had to silence the horrified voice.

“What do I have to gain from telling Nihil or even Sister? The last thing I need is more drama.” He snarled. “Even so, I’ve already betrayed Papa. I disobeyed him. That’s punishment enough on its own.”

Papa’s cold eyes returned to his vision, and recalled his orders.

“Don’t follow him. Don’t go to Copia’s room. Not without his expressed permission...” He recounted silently.

It hurt. This was the first time he disregarded his Master’s orders. And then he knew—Papa replaced him with Copia.

He tried so hard to keep it to himself—but he knew he couldn’t hide it forever. He was basically Papa’s servant, and he failed him. His punishment may as well be knowing he had been replaced.

Oh, to have obeyed and live in blissful ignorance...

His anger and hatred of himself boiled over, still feeling the Cardinal’s fingers dig into his leg.

_“Let go of me, you filthy fucking rat!”_ Special snapped.

With the same leg Copia gripped to, he jabbed at Copia, landing the boot heel across his face.

The ghoul heard the rest of Copia land onto the stone walkway, his hands releasing the leg.

Special cursed at the air in front of him. “How the fuck do you think I feel? I betrayed him. I’ve failed my duty to him. Go ahead and cry to him.”

Special bit his tongue.

“You belong to him now.”

The Cardinal did not answer.

He could feel Copia’s awed stare drill into his back as he walked away towards the church, his fingers digging into his palms.

He was glad that his mask covered his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! The length and a proper ending was an issue, so I left it at a cliffhanger. Good news, there are already two scenes done for the next chapter! Expect more angst and swearing. 
> 
> I don’t know how long this whole story will be, but I’ll be sure to tie up all loose ends.
> 
> Happy New Year! Thank you all again!


	4. Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Special's confrontation about Copia and Papa's relationship. Though it seems that it everything had been resolved, Sister Imperator's return only brings Papa a testament of terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to complete!! It was a very difficult one to figure out, especially the whole confrontation between Papa and Special took numerous re-writing attempts and do-overs. I will make up for it by hopefully getting out the next chapter within March, as I've failed to update last month.

The dark night encroached the church, swallowing the stone structures and pathways into a pitch black void. To the Cardinal, all that existed was the stone walkway beneath him, and the dust that clung to his clothes. All that existed was the ground and the empty darkness of the sky. Not even the wind blew.

The atmosphere was suffocating.

It could have been just his hyperventilation and sobs slowly choking him.

Copia felt exposed to the dark.

Even if Special knew and wouldn’t speak to anyone, it still felt like his secret had been revealed to the world. He and Papa were no longer safe. If one knew, then soon all would know of their relationship...

With the air so still, Copia heard someone approach him from behind through his anguished sobs. He only ceased momentarily when he heard a voice.

“Copia? What’s going on?”

Papa. The steps came closer.

“I heard yelling—Are you alright?” Papa’s calming voice spoke.

“Papa... Oh god....” He sobbed. He couldn’t face his superior with his ugly crying.

Papa’s hand came to rest on his shoulder. He felt Papa’s presence come closer as he knelt down to Copia’s level.

“Goodness, what’s wrong?” The priest whispered into his partner’s ear. “Tell me, dear Copia.”

The Cardinal refused to answer between his sobs.

“Come here.”

Papa brought Copia into an embrace, with his arms wrapped around his subordinate’s shoulders. Copia couldn’t bring himself to return it out of some twisted form of guilt. He began to feel like he betrayed Special. Like he’d taken Papa away from him. But it wasn’t him—it was Papa who turned away from Special.

Whose fault was it, really?

Soon, Papa released Copia knowing that his attempts at comfort had failed. His hands went to Copia’s wrists.

Finally, Copia brought himself to look into Papa’s eyes.

The darkness shrouded him, but he could still see the twinkle in his abnormal eye. Within it, he saw sadness and worry.

“Papa..” He choked.

“Come with me.” Papa whispered. “Get up, please.”

Copia nodded.

* * *

Copia stared blankly at the ceiling of Papa’s room. Occasionally his vision became clouded with tears, so he wiped his eyes with his dampened sleeve until his vision became clear again. The warm tears that weren't caught in his sleeve slipped down to fall onto the sheets below.

If only he could stop himself from crying. What a pathetic human being he was.

He heard Papa enter from the bathroom, his footsteps approaching the side of the bed. Copia glanced over to see Papa down to an undershirt and trousers, holding a small washcloth.

“Sit up for me.”

Copia obeyed and wordlessly sat himself up.

The warm washcloth rubbed the cheek that Special kicked his heel at. Surely it was because it left a mark Papa could see.

“You don’t have to tell me now, but sooner is better than never.” Papa assured as he continued wiping Copia’s face. “What happened to you?”

“Special...” Copia murmured.

Papa paused to listen.

Though Copia's thoughts were all scrambled in his brain. What should he say first?

“Special told me what happened to your wife. Did she just—?”

“Leave?” Papa interrupted. “In the end, yes.”

Papa drew the washcloth away.

“It was a difficult time. I loved her so dearly when she didn’t in return. The day she left with no warning was the hardest day of my life.”

Papa looked forlorn, as if drifting away into his memory.

“I couldn’t leave my room for days. Matters of the heart always put me in turmoil... It’s hard to understand why someone you love would just leave you.”

Copia drew his eyes to his lap. It made sense then. Papa refused to leave his room because he was so sensitive. He worried that he had hurt Copia in some way, and that he’d fallen in love with him.

With him. A “_filthy fucking rat_.”

The priest tossed the washcloth to the side, which landed onto the side of the nightstand, but promptly fell off onto the floor.

Papa sighed and knelt down to pick it up again. “I guess you and Special just had a sour argument. No need to get in a fight over it.”

“No, he—“ Copia blurted out then silenced himself.

Once Papa picked himself up with the cloth in hand, he looked back at Copia with a quizzical eye.

Copia felt his throat knot up. “He heard us... That night...”

Papa’s eyes grew wide. “What do you mean?” Papa tried to hide the panic in his voice. “Copia?”

Copia tried his best to not cry anymore.

Too late. The tears came rolling down his face. He shook his head as if to try and hide his embarrassment.

Papa, on the other hand, had only a blank expression save for his wide, unblinking eyes.

“Special...”

He tossed the washcloth to the side with reckless abandon.

“I’ll go speak with him immediately.”

Copia watched silently through tears how the priest quickly threw on clothes—from an undershirt into a full cassock and robe in under a minute.

“I’ll be back. Stay here.” Papa ordered over his shoulder.

Papa was so fast, Copia barely blinked and he was gone. The door practically slammed behind him.

Copia only stared at the door in awe.

He had nothing left to do but await Papa’s return.

Though he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.

* * *

Standing alone in the faint light of the church, Special waited silently for something to happen. Knowing how he kicked Copia in the face was probably enough to get Papa to storm his way in.

Perhaps that’s why he stood by the altar—to put him some distance from the doors. With there being shallow stairs below the altar, Special could metaphorically stand above Papa.

Or perhaps, it was because Special felt safe there for no reason.

Still, being alone with his thoughts made him think and wonder about why Papa would do such a thing.

To have sex with Copia.

Even so, he knew deep in his stomach that he would be punished for hurting Copia, no less going against Papa’s orders.

His mind was in turmoil, and he just waited for his judgement to come.

Special wasn’t sure if he was ready to face Papa. He didn’t fear the consequences of his actions, but rather how Papa would react.

Would it be anger? Sympathy? Wrath? Disappointment?

It couldn’t be as extreme as the time he found Papa grieving the end of he and his wife’s relationship.

It was unlike anything Special had seen before then.

When it occurred, it was an eerily silent, cloudy day when Special went looking for Papa, who just up and disappeared that afternoon.

_Special split up the other ghouls into groups to comb the church and surrounding area; he thought to check the secret room below ground level. With the ghouls dispatched, he made his way down to the secret quarters._

_He felt disturbed when he lightly touched the door and it opened._

_Inside, he found Papa weeping on the floor._

_Special carefully approached, trying not to startle his superior, but at least make his presence known._

_“Papa...?” He squeaked._

_Papa paused his sobbing to choke out a reply. “Special? Is that you?”_

_“Yes, Papa.”_

_“Close the door. Come here.”_

_Special did as he was told and walked to his priest’s side, kneeling down beside him._

_“Special.” Papa choked out. “Can you promise me something?”_

_“What is it?”_

_Papa turned to look at Special, his face drenched in tears. It frightened Special seeing his stoic Master in such a horrific state._

_In Papa’s hands was a letter—handwritten._

_Papa finally spoke again. “Will you promise that you will never leave me?”_

_It was that question that made Special understand what was going on._

_“Yes, Papa.” He replied in a quiet tone. “My place is to always be here. By your side.”_

_Papa nodded with fresh tears pouring out of his eyes._

_Special pulled his Master into his arms, and allowed him to sob violently against him. The ghoul only held him in place as he felt his shirt begin to dampen, and the tense nails digging into his arms._

_He didn’t try to speak or offer words of encouragement. He knew that Papa didn’t want to feel alone in his grief._

He wanted a shoulder to cry on. And Special was more than happy to be that for him.

Papa wasn’t a mysterious, stoic spectral force that held no emotion. He’d proven to Special that he was just a sensitive human being in face paint and robes. Seeing Papa so broken and vulnerable made Special understand him.

That moment they shared... It was what made him close to Papa. That moment was theirs. Their secret. No one else can know it.

_But now..._

The sound of the double doors shutting startled Special out of his memory and back into the present. He whipped around to face the doors and saw the silhouette at the end of the aisle.

Just by its shape, Special knew it was Papa.

The ghoul felt the priest’s presence draw near the altar with the sound of footsteps. With the echoing footsteps abruptly stopping, Special took a deep breath before addressing his Master, who looked up at him with cold, serious eyes.

“Let me guess,” Special tried to muster the courage to speak so callously, his voice faltering. “Copia went crying to you for help, huh?”

“Special.” Papa’s voice answered.

“You need to explain some things to me, Papa.” The anger rose in his throat.

He couldn’t bare to look at Papa any longer. He turned back to face the altar.

He heard Papa make his way up the shallow stairs. Now the ghoul felt his own hands tightly grip the edges of the altar slab.

“Special...” Papa repeated more quiet than before. Though the voice was closer.

Special flinched when he felt Papa’s hand on his shoulder.

The ghoul ripped the hand away.

There, he felt a sharp pain in his heart.

“Don’t you know how this feels?” Special gasped. “Why, Papa? What possessed you to—“

Papa interrupted. “I don’t know, Special. All I can know for sure are my own feelings—“

_“You liar!”_ Special growled. “You knew me for over two years and you don’t know how I feel?” Special whipped back around and faced Papa.

He felt the tears returning. Even behind a mask he feared Papa would see them.

“Don’t you get it?” He yelled. “I betrayed you! I disobeyed you! Don’t you know how much it hurts to admit it—That I’ve failed you?”

“What do you mean? How could you know that..?” Papa confronted.

Special laughed in his emotional pain. “You know what I mean! I crawled up to Copia’s room because I knew there was something going on—And lo and behold—I heard you fucking the Cardinal! Don’t you remember telling me to not go to the Cardinal’s room?_ I went and defied you!”_

Once again, he heard the moans and cries from that night. He was going delirious with every emotion he ever felt pouring out at once.

“Lord Satan, I remember. _“You feel amazing! You’re so tight!”_” Special mocked, laughing harshly. “_”How much more will you beg for me?”_”

Papa drew closer, extending his hand out to the ghoul. “Special...”

Special only continued in defiance. “_”Beg for it! Beg for me! I want it! More! Harder, Papa!”_”

“Special!” Papa yelled. The ghoul was snapped out of his delirium with the gloved hands grasping his shoulders.

The echo dissipated up into the rafters.

Special gazed at Papa’s harsh stare, and it infected him with fear. All that courage he mustered was almost completely gone.

He breathed. “So what will you do now? Punish me?”

Papa couldn’t answer.

Special pushed back with his hands on Papa’s chest. “Go ahead—do what you will. I deserve it.”

Papa lowered his head. "That's not necessary."

The priest drew his hands away from the ghoul, still with his head lowered.

Special felt stunned. Why was Papa showing this much restraint? “Aren’t you mad at me? What’s all this remorse?” Special questioned.

Papa only lifted his head up when his back faced his servant.

“Of course I am. Furious, even.” Papa replied with no noticeable emotions attached. “Yes, you’ve disobeyed me, but what good would come from me punishing you? What good would it be to hurt you?”

Papa’s eyes met again with Special’s.

“Punishment won’t resolve this, will it? Whatever is going on, I want it to be resolved. Here and now.”

Special felt speechless.

Once he got over his initial shock at Papa’s words, he scoffed. “So how are you going to fix this? Fix me?”

“I need to know why.” Papa seemingly pleaded. “Why, Special? Why would you do all of this?”

Special considered his words carefully—but to answer would be to become vulnerable to Papa. It was never this way. It was always Papa who was emotionally vulnerable to Special.

He finally felt tears drip down his concealed face.

“You...” Special mustered. “You don’t need me anymore, do you?”

Papa remained quiet to let his servant to continue.

Special grasped the edge of the altar slab behind him. He tried his best to not focus on the imposing figure before him.

“You didn’t tell me what was going on. That whole week you didn’t leave your room... I was scared—so I had to know why I couldn’t go to Copia’s quarters. Why were you suddenly fine? Why were you so interested in the Cardinal? Then I heard it... I couldn’t help but feel used and betrayed. Confused as to why...”

Special's voice trailed off into an abrupt sniffle.

“I still don’t know what the hell you’re thinking! You promised me that I’d be the one you could talk to about anything without me judging you. You’d tell me everything—not once did I judge you. What the fuck am I supposed to do?! I’m supposed to serve you. Do anything and everything you tell me to. Listen to you. But how can I fulfill that purpose when you go behind my back and do things that I wasn’t aware of? Why did you shut yourself away for days without telling me why? Why are you acting like this to me?”

His hands left the edge of the slab and grasped at Papa’s robes. Even still, he couldn’t bare to look at the priest in the eyes.

“Do you not want me anymore?” He sobbed. “You want to replace me with him, don’t you?!”

It still hurt so badly. Even being inches away from his master, he felt distant and alone. He may as well have been talking to a brick wall.

Even as much as he cried for an answer, he still felt far from the truth. It was somewhere inside Papa, but locked deep within his heart that Special thought he had opened long ago. Papa had closed his heart to him. That's what made Special feel betrayed.

Feeling Papa’s hand touch his back made him wince.

“Special.” Papa whispered. His hand began to run up and down Special’s back. “I’m... I’m so sorry. I didn’t know...”

The tenderness of his fingers angered the ghoul more. It only felt like a useless apology.

“Then tell me...” Special balled his Master’s cloak into his fists. “Tell me what the fuck is going on!”

His hand ceased moving and became still on the ghoul’s back.

“Special...” There was an audible pain in his voice. “I’m not sure that my answer will satisfy you, but it is the truth.”

“Just fucking tell me!” The ghoul snapped, his face buried into his Master’s heavy clothes.

Papa was silent. For what seemed like an eternity, the only thing Special heard was his heart beating hard in his ears.

It had gone on for too long.

A whisper escaped Papa’s lips. “_Special. I’m in love with Copia._”

Special felt his blood run cold.

Yet he knew from the beginning that it was the truth.

No matter how suggestive or sexual he would be, Papa never seemed to be a promiscuous person. Sure, he could be a flirt or overstep personal boundaries, but he would never have sex with just anyone... They would have to mean something special to him.

That’s why he felt sick listening to Papa and Copia—he knew what was going on, but he didn’t want to believe it.

That was his shock—his suspicion. The reason Papa fucked the Cardinal was because he had some feelings for him.

Was Special also correct in other ways? Was Papa planning to replace Special with Copia? Was that why he harbored a sick form of jealousy?

That was what he feared the most—no longer being the only one who’d seen Papa’s true self. No longer having a purpose to serve him. Being replaced.

Special felt his hands shake. He drew his head out of Papa’s clothes to turn his eyes up to the saddened face before him. “Then you are—“ he choked. “You are replacing me!”

Papa’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not true. I’ve only said that I’m in love with him—“

“_And you didn’t tell me until now!_ It could only mean you don’t care about me anymore, now that Copia fills all of your needs!”

He shut his eyes and shook his head. “Special.” Papa said without anger. “There’s a reason I couldn’t tell you.”

The priest had his eyes on the ghoul, who stood mere inches away from him in shocked silence.

“I _promised_ Copia. I promised that I would keep this a secret... Had anyone found out, he would lose his standing in the church, and so I might too as well.”

Special interjected. “You could just say that you don’t trust me anymore—“

_“I didn’t want to break that trust.”_ Papa interrupted with his voice raised. “Neither yours nor his.”

Papa gripped Special’s shoulder.

Papa lowered his voice. “Listen. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell anyone. Even you. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you or that I’m replacing you. All I want, now that you know, is for you to keep this a secret. For his and my sake.”

Special scoffed. “What good would it be to tell anyone, anyway? How would they understand?”

Papa sighed, and pulled his hand away. He could tell that Special still held animosity towards him.

“I’m sorry, Special. I’m truly sorry for keeping this from you. You’re still important to me...”

Special felt his heart continue to fragment the more he heard Papa’s pained, worthless apologies. As if they could heal his betrayed heart and trust! He just wanted it to end.

_“Then act like it.”_

With it, Special deliberately turned away again to face the altar, literally turning his back on Papa. He thought being dismissive would be enough to make him leave.

Special thought he was done with Papa. But he did not hear Papa make a single movement. All the ghoul could hear was the silent ambience of the empty church.

“Why the hell are you still here?” Special asked with hostility.

Papa returned it with a stern order.

“_Look at me._” He said.

Special barely glanced over his shoulder to see that Papa approached him again.

Though he did not expect a firm grip on his shoulder.

The hand yanked him away from the altar, throwing his back into Papa’s sturdy body.

“_Face me._” Papa ordered into his ear.

It sent a chill down Special’s spine. He felt that he had no choice but to obey. He so badly wanted to defy him in retribution. Yet he couldn’t make himself to do anything out of turn. His stern order sounded angry. Lucifer have mercy on those who’ve angered Papa.

Once Special turned and faced his Master again, he suddenly felt gloved hands grasp at the sides of his face.

The hands forced Special to look at Papa. The mismatched eyes taunted him.

“What are you doing...?” Special wondered aloud in a slight whisper.

“I want you to understand something.”

His tone was almost frightening.

Papa’s hands ran under his mask, causing him to stop breathing. Indeed, he wasn’t used to being touched like that by Papa. How strange it felt. How frightening—!

The mask began to lift above and off of his face. The ghoul panicked and snatched his superior’s wrists, keeping only the bottom half of his face revealed. He only held Papa’s wrists in place, since he couldn’t bring himself to tear away from the priest.

“What are you doing?” Special repeated with urgency. “Stop—“

Special couldn’t see through his mask, but he soon felt the soft and tenderness of Papa’s lips against his own.

It was like a sudden jolt of electricity. The sensation was overwhelming and unfamiliar. The surprise and shock of it all made him want to puke.

Even worse, Special felt Papa’s arm break away from his grip and fold around his back.

He was pulled in closer.

Now Special wasn’t sure if he was breathing or not.

Eventually, the priest pulled away, leaving his servant in a state of shock. Once he released his arm from his servant’s back, the ghoul stumbled back into the altar.

Special quickly readjusted his mask, still breathless. The priest said nothing, as if awaiting Special’s response.

The ghoul panted in disbelief. “What—what the hell—?”

He looked up at Papa, who only stared down at him with stoic eyes.

No matter how much he stared, Special couldn’t decipher his Master’s intentions. Just what was he trying to accomplish? Establish dominance? His attempt at punishment? It was all too much to process. Too confusing to figure out.

Finally, Special spat out, “Why—why would you—?”

The priest was silent for a moment.

“Special.” He spoke again in a lowered tone. “So many times I needed you... And you obeyed me without question.”

Papa stepped forward.

“_Had I ordered you to kiss me, would you have done it?_”

There was something wrong. Every warning bell was ringing in his mind and every fiber of his being told him to run—but the ghoul’s feet were glued in place. All he could do was cower—and watch Papa draw closer.

Soon, Papa towered over him.

Was he really going to be punished?

Special dropped his head low, as if to shield himself but also to admit defeat. Of course he didn’t want to, but if that was what it took to get Papa to trust him again...

“I... I don’t know.” Special whimpered.

Instead, Special felt the hands grasp his face again. Reluctantly, Special looked back up into his Master’s eyes.

He couldn’t help but be afraid.

“I respect you. I could’ve used your trust in me for my own desires at any time—but I didn’t.”

Those words confused Special.

Papa drew closer to his servant’s ear.

He whispered. “_I could’ve ordered you to lay down for me... So I could fuck you. Anytime I wanted. But I didn’t because I respect you. You are not a slave. Nor are you just a servant. You are far more than that._”

His hands and face slipped away from Special. He could tell how stunned his servant was.

“But Copia... He’s in love with me too. He gives me that romantic love that I so desperately needed... His body as well. But I will never subject you to anything like that. _I love you._ But in a special way… Neither romantic nor sexual nor just as friends... _That is why you are Special._”

Those previous words snapped Special out of his daze. Yet when he looked back at Papa, he’d already descended the stairs and began walking down the center isle.

Even so, it didn’t stop the apparent confusion and pain in his heart.

Papa paused before the doors, and his voice bellowed.

“Even so, if you hate me, so be it. I will still put my trust in you. Regardless of anything, you are irreplaceable.” The priest flashed his eyes back at his servant. “_Goodnight, my dear Special._”

With that, the creaky doors opened and shut.

Special still found himself petrified in shock.

How could he not not know everything about Papa? What else was he hiding or keeping from him?

What did Papa mean by being “special”?

Did Papa just say he wanted to sleep with the ghoul, but then he didn’t?

Did Papa say he loved him?

_Could Papa be...?_

* * *

Copia was lulled out of his sleep by a faint sound—a rattle and a slight creak. His eyes still felt heavy, so he chose to ignore it and attempt to fall back asleep. But the assortment of faint sounds continued, irritating the peace Copia had.

He instinctively rolled to his side when he heard someone enter the bedroom, slowly closing the door behind them. Just seconds before drifting off to sleep, Copia felt the bed shift and move, as if someone had laid down near him.

Copia pried his eyes open to see a black, hazy figure laying next to him.

“Papa?” He mumbled.

“Go to sleep, my dear.” Papa whispered back.

The Cardinal had to register his bearings on the space around him. He began to recall how he was in Papa’s room, and before then had a confrontation with Special...

“What about Special?” Copia thought aloud.

Papa’s figure turned over to face his partner. “It’s fine now. Go to sleep.”

Copia thought Papa sounded a bit annoyed.

“Are you sure?”

“Copia!” Papa snapped at him.

The Cardinal’s eyes shot open and his body recoiled at the sudden outburst. Though he was frightened, Copia saw the irritation and redness in his superior’s eyes.

Had he been crying?

The two of them had been staring at the other for a long moment, as if waiting for either one of them to speak first.

The Cardinal had to look away. “Please. Don’t scare me like that.” He muttered.

Papa sullenly blinked. “I apologize. I’m just exhausted.”

Still, Copia wasn’t convinced. “What happened with Special?” He prodded.

The priest appeared to consider his answer. His eyes fluttered with apparent exhaustion. “That’s too much to explain now. Just go to sleep.” He sighed.

Before Copia could force Papa into explaining himself further, the priest reached out to his partner and sunk his fingers into the messy auburn hair.

Feeling Papa’s touch eased Copia enough to close his eyes again.

“Will he be okay…?”

“I can only hope so.”

He swore he heard Papa softly humming and unfamiliar melody, though it could’ve easily been just a fragment from a dream.

* * *

A harsh noise awoke Copia with a startle. His eyes shot open to gaze upon the barren ceiling partially illuminated by the morning light.

It was a knock at the door.

The bed stirred with Papa too disturbed from his sleep.

Copia didn’t want to bother him, but the intermittent sound of knocking continued.

So, he nudged Papa’s shoulder to rouse him awake. “Papa, please get the door.” He whispered his pleas.

Papa grumbled in annoyance and pushed himself off the bed and leave the bedroom to the source of the knocking.

Now the only thing Copia was concerned about was how he and Papa couldn’t have at least one quiet morning alone.

Still, he felt the need to get up and at least eavesdrop on Papa and the knocking visitor. Standing by the bedroom door, Copia could hear only a bit of the conversation.

“—if it’s not important, then you need not wake me.” Papa scolded. “I don’t care who it is—!”

A voice peeped in reply. “But Papa, it’s Sister Imperator—“

_Oh shit. Sister is here, isn't she?_

“—does it matter now? I’ll speak to her when she’s ready.”

“Papa, you don’t understand—“ the voice of the (what sounded to be) ghoul now sounded troubled. “She’s here right now, and she wants to speak with you and the Cardinal right now! If you could, can you go retrieve him anyway, since he didn’t answer his door?”

“Fine. I’ll handle it.”

Copia gulped hard. Though he knew Sister was not as harsh on him as Nihil was, her stern demeanor only made her more intimidating than her male counterpart. The Cardinal didn’t want to panic. But knowing Sister was there only increased his heart rate.

Copia heard the door close and Papa return to the bedroom, his footsteps largely silent against the wooden floor.

The Cardinal froze as Papa re-entered the room.

Papa furrowed his brow at Copia’s apparent worry. The Cardinal swore he saw Papa hide a smirk.

“Looks like we’ll have to make ourselves presentable. Here. I’ll get some clothes for you.”

* * *

To say the least, Copia was anxious at meeting with Sister, but the fact that he had to do it in Papa’s old clothes only made it worse.

“They should fit you fine.” Papa had reassured, handing over some clothes he wore for rituals years ago.

Copia didn’t expect to be so uncomfortable in Papa’s clothes. He knew that Papa was a size larger than him, and while they fit well enough, the Cardinal felt out of place in them. It was almost as if he wore Papa’s skin...

More-so, it felt like Papa’s essence surrounded him and clung to his body. It reminded him when Papa had sex with him, still in his clothes… He could almost smell the sweat and feel the hot breath again… As if he could think of that now.

While they walked side-by-side, Copia saw Papa stare at him in his peripheral vision.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, you look good.” He commented, a small smile forming on his lips.

Copia couldn’t help but blush.

The snide smirk only grew wider on Papa’s face. “You’re so cute. I should lend you my clothes more often.”

Copia wanted to pull away to conceal his embarrassment. “I’m fine, Papa. Let’s not talk about this now.”

“Don’t be so embarrassed.” he teased. “It’s a compliment.”

“Don’t—“ Copia could only manage to say in his embarrassment. Though he did want to punch Papa for laughing.

At the opposite end of the tangle of hallways and rooms were the administrative offices of the church, where Nihil and Sister had their own private living spaces, as well as departments in finances and scheduling.

Copia never felt the need to go there. Though he was of a higher standing, he never had the need to cover finances and the intricacies of bureaucracy.

He prayed to have a higher power to destroy it, but it seemed that bureaucracy really was the work of the Devil.

Once they arrived at the door of Sister’s office and living quarters, the priest went ahead to announce their presence with a knock.

The Cardinal already felt his throat knot up.

Papa spoke, “The Cardinal and I have arrived, Sister.”

Copia only then noticed how Papa’s demeanor changed drastically and so abruptly. Copia couldn’t understand how Papa could switch between moods so easily like a light switch.

Which mood was the real Papa, and which one was the act? Teasing or serious?

The large, ornate door creaked open, revealing two ghouls opening the door for Sister Imperator’s guests. The ghouls shut the door behind them, leaving the two alone with Sister.

Copia trembled with anxiety, though he knew Sister only had them alone for privacy concerns, not to intimidate him further.

Though unintended, it was a consequence regardless.

Despite her short stature and age, Sister was a force of nature who commanded respect with her mere presence. She stood behind a large wooden desk stacked with paperwork, underneath a large scale painting of Lucifer at his fall from grace. The rest of the room was rather barren, save for a door in the corner and a mass of lit candles sprinkled around the room. There were also a couple of chairs placed before the desk, presumably to seat both him and Papa.

Papa bowed before her. “Good morning, Sister.”

Copia wasn’t sure how to act, so he copied Papa’s actions.

Sister Imperator did not change her stoic expression. It seemed as though she studied them, examining their posture and attire. Copia feared that she could see right through him.

Instead, she gestured at the chairs, urging them to take a seat.

Copia was the last to sit down out of some form of caution, as if waiting for Sister to say something revealing about him. He wished he wasn't so fearful and paranoid of her.

She finally spoke. “I hope you know that work on the new album will begin soon, so I want to lay down the roles behind the album.”

“Roles?” Copia wondered aloud.

“Basically what we’re expected to do.” Papa answered without hesitation.

Sister looked back at Papa and Copia with only mild annoyance. “Usually I don’t lay down the structure and responsibilities of each involved, but since the Cardinal here is the newcomer, I thought it would be productive to outline what you are to do for the album production. For work on this album, the both of you are to work together on the song writing. This would be Copia’s full responsibility, but since he is inexperienced—“

“Sister, if I may,” Papa interrupted. “I believe the Cardinal has demonstrated to me that he is capable of writing lyrics and coming up with his own concepts. I do not want you to imply that he is incompetent.”

Copia felt that he was caught between two large personalities. Though he slightly blushed at Papa’s comment about him being competent.

Sister continued with a raise in her tone. “_—it is not that I’m saying that you take the bulk of the work, but rather that you both work on it as one unit._”

The priest propped up his chin on the arm of the chair. “He is the “Papa” for this album, is he not? If you must have me aid him, I can help with melodies and song structures.”

“Whatever it may be, make sure you agree upon it.” Sister turned to Copia. “Do you agree with Papa here, Cardinal?”

Copia immediately felt flustered for being put on the spot so suddenly. “Uh... yes, that’s... Fine, uh... Okay with me.” He stuttered.

“Right.” She continued. “However, once we begin touring, the Cardinal will fully take on the responsibility of being the frontman of the band, as well as assuming the duties of Papa that he holds now—“

“Will you make him Papa IV?” Papa asked in a low tone.

The room fell weirdly silent. Perhaps both Copia and Sister were startled at the absurdity of the question.

Sister cleared her throat. “He will remain as Cardinal Copia. The title of Papa Emeritus remains with blood relatives. _You should know that well enough, Papa._”

Papa stood up from his seat. “But what should we do for future successors? I have no other blood relatives nor children, so do you want the line to end with me?”

“No. Whether or not you’d like it, we’d like you to still have a child eventually, _or else this band and church will collapse at your death._”

Those last few words came out as a scolding, as if a mother had to tell their child to clean their room or fold their own laundry. The way Sister and Nihil treated Papa sounded like a pair of parents rather than bosses or those of higher standing. Was it because Papa had lost his parents, and they felt protective over him?

Papa scowled at Sister, but then returned to his seat. “You should know that I’m not keen on going through that mess again.”

Copia felt confused. Papa never explicitly said that he didn’t want children, but rather that Nihil didn’t want to push him further to stay with his wife to have a child, or rather force him to have one regardless of marital status.

Did Papa just now figure out that he didn’t want children?

Copia squirmed in his seat.

Sister Imperator sighed. “We don’t have to talk about that today. The thing I want you to do is to begin work as soon as possible. I will assemble the ghouls willing to record and work with the both of you, and in the meantime, I want you to figure out the concepts and songs. Understand?”

“We understand.” Papa spoke before Copia could say anything.

While Papa stood up again, Sister interrupted him. “Papa, there is something I’d like to speak with you in private. But first…”

The old woman looked around the room.

“I would also like to speak with Special. Have either of you seen him today?”

Papa glanced awkwardly and Copia.

“No, we have not.” Papa answered for the both of them.

“Fine, I’ll call for him again.” She sighed and waved off at Copia. “You are allowed to leave, Cardinal.”

Copia shot up in his seat. “T-Thank you, See-ster.”

He bowed awkwardly and shuffled to the door, taking one last glance behind him at Papa.

Papa didn’t respond in any way. It bothered Copia for some reason. Still, he felt that he should take his chance to be out of sight from Sister.

So he left.

But the uneasiness returned. The Cardinal gripped his chest as he heard the ghouls once again close and guard the door.

He suddenly felt the urge to wait for Papa to be done.

* * *

“Sister...” Papa began with uncertainty. “What could this be about?”

The old woman pulled an envelope from underneath the stack of paperwork. Papa saw that the top of it had already been torn open.

“I met someone while in the Netherlands.” Sister pulled out a folded piece of paper from the envelope. “Someone you know very well.”

Papa felt a bit puzzled. “I don’t know anyone from the Netherlands, Sister.”

She stuck out the paper in front of her. While she said nothing, Papa felt weary seeing some kind of sadness in her eyes.

An overwhelming, horrible feeling came over him.

He took the paper with reluctance.

The priest’s voice trembled. “What could this be?”

Sister crossed her arms without a word.

Papa gulped and carefully unfolded the paper.

A small rectangular square dropped onto the floor face down.

Papa bent down to pick it up and flip it to the right side.

What he saw shattered his whole being like a broken window.

* * *

Copia stood away from the door guard ghouls awkwardly while he waited for Papa’s business to be taken care of. It had been what felt like an hour, but the movement of the sun hadn’t changed at all on the floor from the window.

Why did it feel like it was taking forever?

Why did his heart beat so hard in his chest?

Abruptly, the door creaked open, and the ghouls saw their cue to return to their station in Sister’s office, leaving behind Papa, who walked out of their way.

The only thing that filled the air was Papa’s heavy footsteps slowly approaching.

Copia couldn’t put his finger on it, but he could tell something was wrong. There was an emptiness behind his wide eyes, as if his soul had left his human body and all that remained was a wobbling corpse.

To say he was frightened by the sight would be an understatement.

Once the door shut behind him, Papa slowly approached Copia and dropped his hand onto Copia’s shoulder.

His whole weight was in that hand.

“Papa, what’s—“ Copia began, but he immediately silenced himself when he saw tears pouring out of his superior’s eyes.

“Copia…” He whispered.

“Papa, please! What’s wrong?” Copia tried to ask again, facing Papa.

The priest responded by grabbing Copia’s shoulders and pulling him into a tight embrace. Papa’s face went squarely into Copia’s neck, and the Cardinal soon felt his superior’s tears run down his skin into his collar.

Hearing Papa sob quietly made Copia’s heart knot up, leaving him unable to speak.

All he could do was return the favor.

But soon enough, he heard someone run down the hallway towards them. Copia panicked and tried to push Papa away, but his superior’s grip was stronger than any nudge or push he tried on him.

The person rounded the corner, revealing themselves as a ghoul.

The ghoul, however, stopped in his tracks.

Copia stared at the ghoul, who too was frozen in place.

Without a word, the ghoul walked past them and knocked on Sister’s door. The door promptly opened slightly and the ghoul disappeared behind it.

Now he was sure they were both in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who is able to guess what was in the letter will get a shout out in the next chapter. Though, I think it's apparent enough. haha
> 
> Thank you again for reading! I can only promise more angst and hopefully more hot stuff coming up!


	5. Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The catalyst of despair is revealed, sending shockwaves through all who read the letter.
> 
> All Copia wants is to make Papa not cry anymore.
> 
> Special stands at the sidelines, with uncontrollable emotions boiling in his heart.

“Special. I was going to call for you again, since you didn’t show up earlier.”

The ghoul bowed before Sister. “I apologize, Sister. It won’t happen again.”

Sister crossed her arms, eyeing the two other ghouls guarding the door.

“Both of you.” She addressed them, “Your duties are done. You may leave.”

She waved them off, and they both promptly left without a word.

Special gulped as he knew what this meeting was about.

Sister pulled out a piece of paper from her stack of paperwork, and barely glanced at it before placing it down in front of her.

“Unfortunately, your letter didn’t send, but I did receive it this morning.”

“But... You’ve read it, haven’t you?”

“I’m sure you saw the both of them when you came in, so you should already know the outcome.”

Special felt his heart stop as he recalled Papa and Copia in a tight embrace, with Copia’s frightened eyes following him to the door.

_Did this mean...?_

Special slammed his hands onto the table. “You don’t mean you’re going to... kick Papa out, are you?” He hurriedly asked.

Sister eyed him with furrowed brows. “No, of course not.”

The ghoul perked up. “What do you mean...?”

She rolled up his letter. “My plans are unchanged. I will allow the Cardinal to take full credit for this album, but he and Papa will work together, since I had to make a compromise with Nihil since he’s so worried about Copia not being able to do well.”

The ghoul only felt more confused. His hands left the table surface.

“Why are you allowing this?”

“Special.” She tapped the desk with the rolled up letter and sat down, the letter still held in her hands. “I understand your concern, but I believe that the album production takes precedence over whatever issues Papa has.”

Special snapped back at her. “Did you not read it?! It’s not just a small issue!”

Sister did not respond.

The ghoul leaned over the desk to shorten the distance between him and Sister Imperator.

“But Papa...” He choked. “He’s having sex with the Cardinal! They are both breaking the rules! I’m concerned because they will continue this, breaking the sanctity of the clergy unless someone stops them—“

“That’s enough.” She ordered.

Special wanted to keep fighting, but he knew it was useless against Sister. He slinked back from the desk.

She continued. “Someone sent him a message. I believe him having a relationship with the Cardinal is something good for him at the moment. He needs someone to hold him in place and remain focused at the task at hand.”

She came to his side and tapped him on the shoulder with his own letter.

“You should know it first hand.” Sister revealed in a quiet tone.

Special’s vision became cloudy all of the sudden.

He could tell that this really was the bigger issue.

* * *

Though the whole encounter was over, the fear had collapsed on itself in Copia’s body, causing every fiber of his being to shut down.

He found himself at the toilet in his room, bent over and coughing up saliva and bile.

It was over for him and Papa. Perhaps it was time he figured out what to do after his exile.

Where would he go? He has no family anywhere to speak of, and his only home is the church. Would he just be relocated, or would he fully be excommunicated?

Nihil was already at his throat, so Copia could only assume the worst.

If that were the case, it would be better to just give him the death penalty and save him the trouble.

But what about Papa?

Copia collapsed off the side of the toilet onto the bath rug below.

He never felt so drained before.

Now he wished he could hold Papa forever. At least then he wouldn’t be alone.

The Cardinal said a silent prayer that he and Papa would leave the church behind together. At least then they could elope and find a way to work together to build their own futures....

But it was just a hopeful fantasy.

Perhaps it was time for him to die.

* * *

By the time Copia awoke, the windows shone only the waning moonlight in an empty, black sky.

He was surprised that no one had come to speak with him, or to take him away to his execution. When he peaked out of the door, he saw something wrapped up in tinfoil at his feet, with a note on top of it.

“For Cardinal Copia:

This is the meal you missed - Aether Ghoul”

If a ghoul came to his door with food, it could only mean that he was safe for the time being.

He sighed in relief, concluding that the ghoul that saw him and Papa hugging either didn’t think it was odd or decided not to snitch.

But what if that ghoul was Special?

Even so, the Cardinal couldn’t think of an answer then. His stomach made an unholy sound.

It was definitely wise to take the food and eat it.

With his needs of food met, the Cardinal wondered about how he would tackle the whole album production.

He had the single figured out, but what about the concept for the rest of the album? What was left to write about?

Perhaps he’d better ask Papa—

Oh lord. He forgot about Papa.

In fact, Copia didn’t know where he went or what he did after their emotional experience. All he knew was breaking away from Papa’s grasp and returning to his room to vomit.

Where did Papa go? Why was he crying? What did Sister tell him?

Copia resigned himself to find Papa and find out what was going on.

The album could wait.

* * *

The Cardinal, at the top of the shallow staircase to Papa’s room, could see light underneath the door at the bottom.

He couldn’t quite hear anything peculiar, so he shuffled down into the darkness to his door.

Copia was intimidated by the apparent silence, even though he knew Papa wasn’t the kind of person to make a lot of noise.

_Except during sex, perhaps..._

He shook his head at the sudden dirty thought and knocked on the door.

There was a moment where Copia swore he heard the rough movement of chairs scraping across the floor.

The door swung open and the two of them got a good look at each other.

Papa stumbled a bit, trying to hold himself up on the door handle—his eyes half open. He was down to some tight black trousers and a white dress shirt that was half unbuttoned. His hair was brushed back, but stray strands poked up and out of his mess of a head of hair.

“Oh, Copia...” he slurred slightly. “Come in.”

Copia wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.

However, Papa’s arm draped across his shoulders and led him inside, slamming the door behind them.

The Cardinal became worried when he saw the empty bottle of wine sitting at the table with a empty glass sitting next to it.

“Papa, I don’t think you’re okay...” Copia’s voice trailed off as the inebriated priest unhooked his arm from his subordinate’s shoulders.

“Don’t you want some?” Papa spun and picked up the glass by the rim and handed it to Copia. “I’ll get some more... I’m sure I have another bottle around here...”

As graceful as a drunk could be, Papa stumbled over to a chest that sat near the small altar in the corner.

The candles that sat at the altar almost completely melted away the wax they sat upon. Copia could only stand aside, awkwardly holding the wine glass with both his hands.

“Aha! Here we are!”

Standing back up, Papa held up a full, unopened bottle of red wine.

It made Copia nervous just seeing the way Papa held the neck of the bottle—swinging it around without a care.

He pulled out the cork with his teeth.

Copia could admit that he was a bit impressed.

Papa yanked his subordinate’s wrist toward him, almost knocking Copia off balance. Before Copia could protest, Papa had already started pouring out a steady stream of wine.

He filled it nearly to the rim.

“Drink up, Cardinal.” Papa joked.

It was hard to watch.

Copia stammered, “Papa, I didn’t come here to drink—“

“Nonsense!” Papa plucked the glass from Copia’s grasp and took a swig from it. He again shoved the glass in his subordinate’s face. “Come on, what’s stopping you?”

“Papa, please! I just want to talk.” He firmly admitted. “I’m serious!”

Papa’s joking had stopped then and there. He took one square look at Copia and saw his earnestness.

“I see.” He said, sauntering over to the table and putting down the bottle and the glass of wine. “What about?”

“About what happened this morning.”

Even in his inebriated state, Papa’s eyes told the whole story of the amount of pain he was in.

He seemed so sad. The alcohol clearly had him perked up, but when confronted with reality, the alcohol had lost its hold on Papa.

What was he trying to hide?

“Let’s sit down...” He murmured.

Instead of taking a seat at the table, Papa made his way into his room, pushing himself against the wall with his hand.

Copia followed.

Papa sat down at the edge of his bed—his room only lit by the bedside light and the light from the outside of the room. Copia felt it necessary to sit beside his superior.

Papa inhaled a deep breath.

“Did that all happen this morning?” Papa wondered aloud. “Was it all just a dream?”

Copia opened his mouth to answer, but Papa quickly interrupted.

“No, it can’t be.” He murmured. “If it was I wouldn’t still be hurting.”

Papa went to lean against Copia, his head laid on his shoulder.

“Papa...” Copia gasped. The action was too sudden for him to just brush it off.

With Papa’s heavy breathing, the Cardinal could smell the wine on his breath.

“I wish I could numb the pain—“ Papa said solemnly. “I wish I would stop feeling. Alcohol can only do so much.”

The priest grasped Copia’s hand. At that moment Copia realized the odd texture of Papa’s gloves. He glanced down and saw a blackened glove resting on top of his hand.

The texture had to be faux leather.

Papa continued. “There’s not much I can do but try to erase my memory. Erase the scars inside me. But, it’s impossible, isn’t it?”

Papa forced a chuckle. His fingers ran across the Cardinal’s hand. The black leather texture only softly graced his skin.

Copia tried his best to not make a sound in arousal. He tried to refocus on why he came to speak to Papa. “Why are you in pain? What did Sister talk to you about?”

Suddenly Copia felt breath against his neck, the scent of alcohol filling his nostrils.

Papa practically had his face right next to Copia’s.

“Why should that matter now? I can barely hold myself together.” He whispered. “Why can’t I just forget and never have to be reminded—“

Copia had enough of Papa’s inebriated ramblings.

“_Papa, listen!_” Copia snapped. He tore himself off the bed and stumbled over to the wall to put distance between him and Papa.

Papa’s eyes were wide open, staring back.

“I don’t want you to act like this—“ he yelled. “But how am I supposed to help you if you don’t give me an answer?”

The priest appeared to have snapped out of his delusional mind. He blinked and drew his eyes down to his lap.

“I’m... Sorry, Copia.” He muttered, still with emptiness behind his eyes. “I’m... sorry.”

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Copia pleaded. “What could make you like this? What did Sister say to you?”

Papa’s head lifted up to Copia.

Copia continued. “Tell me. Please. I want to help you.”

In his drunken state, Papa appeared to have thought long and hard on the best, or least painful way to speak on what troubled him.

To drink to forget. The worst thing was to relay why he wanted to forget.

Papa drew out a hand and pointed at the table at his bedside, squarely at a folded piece of paper.

“That’s what Sister had me read in private. It should tell all you need to know.”

Though Copia was relieved to get some answers, there was something that set him off about the letter.

It was what made Papa like this. What could it contain?

He cautiously approached the table, simultaneously dreading and awaiting the answer. Copia gazed down at the paper, his heart beating hard against his chest.

He carefully unfolded it and was met with a small photograph.

It was of a baby.

The Cardinal became confused as to why a random baby photo was in the folded paper.

He had a horrific thought.

Copia quickly took up the paper, which contained a letter—hand written in pen.

“_Papa,_

_I know this is sudden, but it’s something I need to tell you._

_Understand that we can never be together. _

_However, I know how important it is to you to get a successor for your church and to carry out your mission, so I thought it’d be best to tell you that you may have a successor._

_This child in the photo is a year old now, and he is my child. However, I do not know the father, and I suspect it to be yours, because his eyes are so much like yours._

_I don’t know how you’ve been doing, but I thought to let you know as well as Sister.”_

His hands trembled for some reason, and the letter slipped out of his hands, falling slowly onto the ground.

It was far too painful, even for Copia, who may as well been placed right in Papa’s shoes.

He too felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

Papa could have a successor—but was born from someone who didn’t love him.

To bring them back into his life would only set him up for a life of heartbreak. Even if it was needed of the church.

With the paper out of his hands, he only stood, staring at his palms.

“Papa...” he whispered. “I’m... I’m so sorry.” Even his voice trembled.

Papa watched him intently from his seat on the bed.

“Papa...? What are you going to do?”

Copia heard the priest shift and stand from his seat, his stumbling footsteps approaching the Cardinal from behind.

Papa appeared at Copia’s side to pick up the fallen letter and the photograph.

He took another look at the letter with disgust. He promptly crumpled up the letter into a ball. The audible crunch startled Copia.

The letter dropped to the floor.

“I won’t give her the light of day.” Papa said. “She can keep that child away from me.”

Copia could see how hard he tensed his fists.

“What a waste.” He said under his breath.

Papa promptly returned to his seat, but he fell over, his back hitting the bed.

The Cardinal felt the need to console him, even though he too didn’t know how to process his shock.

“I don’t know what else I can do...” He muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s not really anything you can do.” Papa agreed with a sigh. “Come here, if you will. The least you could do is to be here for me, right?”

Copia felt his face become hot.

But he couldn’t say no.

He relented and went back to Papa’s side on the bed, but he couldn’t bring himself to say or act upon any action.

Being close to Papa in such a submissive state made his stomach turn over. Copia had to bite back his tongue to try to distract him from his dirty thoughts.

_Why did it have to happen now?_ He thought, thoroughly cursing himself. Did he not have the sensitivity for this situation?

Was that just his way of processing his own pain?

Papa took the chance to lift his hand to his partner’s face.

“My dear Copia...” He began. “Don’t feel pity for me. It is my own burden to carry. You don’t deserve to feel my pain as well.”

The gloved fingers dug into the Cardinal’s hair.

The sensation of the faux leather glove against his cheek coerced Copia to lay down.

Copia felt his face pressed into Papa’s chest. He suddenly felt awkward being up close and personal to Papa’s bare skin exposed by his half-unbuttoned shirt.

He wanted to move, but Papa’s hand was still firmly tangled in his hair.

“Thank you.” Papa lightly caressed his loose strands of hair. “Even something as minor as this eases the pain...”

“Papa...” Copia murmured, still mindful of his forced closeness to his superior. “Even though she doesn’t want you, do you still feel... like you miss her?”

Papa went dead silent. His fingers stopped moving through his subordinate’s hair.

Had he misspoke?

Copia looked up at Papa, confused by his sudden silence. “Papa?” He worriedly called for him.

His eyes stared straight up at the ceiling. He suddenly blinked as if he broke out of a trance.

“Copia…” His hand slithered to grasp Copia’s wrist. “Do you remember? That first time you asked to hold me?” Papa asked.

Copia was taken aback. That embarrassing, messy first time? Where Papa had torn off the buttons to his shirt so he had to get replacement clothes for Copia? Where Papa felt so guilty that he locked himself in his room for a week?

That event was something Copia wished he’d forget—save for Papa’s warmth and tenderness.

Indeed, even Copia felt at ease in Papa’s arms.

“I’ve never felt... Loved. In such a long time.”

Suddenly, he took Copia’s hand and guided it towards his chest. He slipped it underneath his shirt, making his partner feel his bare chest.

Copia was startled by the action. “Papa?” He gasped.

Papa let out a small moan. “Feeling your touch... It makes me feel…”

The Cardinal was sure his face turned a bright red. That was one of the advantages of constantly wearing makeup or face paint—to hide his visible embarrassment.

Though he felt more worried when he heard Papa choke back a sob.

Papa lowered his face into Copia’s hair, where the priest cried.

“Oh Lucifer...” he sobbed into his partner’s hair.

Copia’s heart pounded—he feared that he was going to lose his control over his own body. The more he felt Papa so sensually, the more he felt his burning desire return.

His cries were much like earlier—deep, pained sobs reverberating through his body while those hands clutched him in a tight embrace…

Copia wished there was something he could do to calm his superior’s nerves. His sadness, pain, and anger released all at once, seemingly without a trigger. Perhaps he held it all inside until that very moment he felt his weakness take over.

All Copia could do was freeze.

They were both so powerless.

Papa’s hand released Copia’s wrist. Copia pulled his hand back, but became distracted when Papa grasped his chin to tilt up his face to stare into Papa’s eyes.

His dim, tear-ridden gaze was hypnotic.

“Don’t you want me, my dear Copia?”

Copia felt his heart break at the sight.

“Papa... I...”

But Copia didn’t want to push it further—no matter how much he wanted Papa, how much he wanted Papa to feel loved and needed, he couldn’t do it when he’s drunk. Even if the feeling was mutual, would Papa feel the same afterwards?

Copia was sure he didn’t want to hurt Papa anymore than he already was.

The Cardinal broke away from his superior’s bewitching stare, sniffling. “No. You’re drunk. I can’t...”

“Can’t what?”

“You’re... You’ll do something you’ll regret...” He nervously stuttered. “Aren’t you worried that you might...”

Papa’s hand grasped Copia’s jaw and forced his partner to look into his eyes again.

“Why would I regret it?” The priest whispered. “I need you, Copia. You’re the only one who can help me. Help me forget... Save me...”

Copia couldn’t look away. His gaze dragged him in and took hold of his whole being—it was an all-encompassing feeling of desire and warmth and pain that he couldn’t break free from.

Maybe Papa really was hypnotizing him.

“You’re crazy...” His voice trailed off.

Copia began to feel a numbness in his body and his vision became dark. He tried to hold onto some semblance of reality by grasping onto Papa’s shirt, but the fabric slipped away from his hands.

The presence of Papa shifted away, and with slight sounds and movements, Copa felt the warmth move over top of him.

His eyes were open halfway, but he began to regain a sense of his bearings. Now it was Copia who laid on his back with Papa looking down upon him, their faces mere inches from each other.

Copia couldn’t bring himself to say a word.

He didn’t want to see Papa cry anymore.

By foregoing speaking, he allowed Papa to grasp his face again and take him into a deep kiss that had been long overdue.

It was hard to resist. Copia still couldn’t say no.

The Cardinal immediately let go of any lingering sense of fear or regret.

The single kiss turned his sensations into overdrive.

Both of their actions and movements became frenzied.

Much like drinking wine excessively, Copia thought he was getting drunk off of Papa’s affection. Every time Papa pulled away for a breath, Copia pulled his superior’s face down to force their lips together again.

Copia felt desperate for his affection—he felt that it had been too long since they were like this together.

After all, he began to feel Papa dig down his collar, trying to force it open.

Papa had pushed him towards the center of the bed, his leg inappropriately placed between Copia's thighs.

“Don’t you know how much I wanted you like this?” Papa moaned. “I was afraid that I was going to hurt you again. But now... I need you more than ever.”

Even in the heat of the moment, Papa allowed himself to shed a few more tears. His hands knotted themselves into Copia’s caplet.

The Cardinal was beginning to feel desperate to ease Papa’s sadness. The last thing he wanted was to watch his beloved cry—Especially over someone who didn’t give a damn about him.

“Papa. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything?” He pulled on his superior’s shirt. “Anything to make you feel better?”

Though he was sure to please Papa in any way, he did feel apprehensive about what Papa could subject him to.

But Papa just shook his head.

“The most I could ask for is to be with you.” Papa moved his hands back to Copia’s face. “I pray that we never separate. In this life, eternally...”

It plucked at the Cardinal’s heartstrings whether he liked it or not. It was so melodramatic, but Papa, in his drunken state, probably believed every word he said.

Papa choked back a sob.

“My dear...” He whispered. “All I want is to hold you.”

Copia felt his superior’s fingers dig back down into his collar.

“I want to feel your skin on mine.” He pleaded. “All of it. Every inch.”

It certainly wasn’t something the Cardinal was unfamiliar with—but to hear it from Papa...

Copia resigned himself to the idea that Papa was desperate to feel some sort of closeness. Something to remind him that he was not alone.

He nodded and moved his own hands to his collar, swiftly unbuttoning it and letting the caplet open and fall to his sides.

While they had seen each other naked before, this one moment felt different from the previous times.

At first it was behind Papa’s back, and Copia couldn’t bare to make himself to look at his superior’s nude body. It felt wrong to see him as vulnerable as he was. So delicate and beautiful—it had to be blasphemous to witness.

The second time it was Papa who undressed him. But Copia felt it was also the point that he recognized Papa as a human being, and not an object of his desires...

Papa was his Master, but he wanted him to love him back. He thought that letting him control the situation was the way to his heart...

But forcing his passion onto Papa only made Copia bleed.

But when he held Copia in the bath and in the bed... That was the closest he’d ever gotten to feeling close and equal to Papa.

His superior. His priest. His Master.

But equals all the same.

Perhaps that also was what Papa yearned for. For Copia to be his equal and his eternal love.

Was Copia even ready to commit to that?

No wonder why he too began to cry. How could he be open to Papa if he held all of his feelings inside?

He could only free himself down to his bare chest before he completely broke down into tears.

His last action before his emotional breakdown was throwing his arms around Papa’s shoulders.

Papa’s warm embrace welcomed him and he too silently wept into his partner’s shoulder.

* * *

Copia’s mind fell into a deep fog with barely a grasp on reality.

He could recall being in his Master’s arms, crying his eyes out, whimpering words that he couldn’t decipher.

Papa’s hands moved down to his waist.

His body became bare.

He felt his superior’s body with his fingertips.

The last thing he could recall was feeling foreign fingers enter him below.

He felt overwhelmingly good.

Copia tried breaking out of his fog by focusing on his body parts—

His fingers clutched the sheets below his body.

His body felt incredibly hot. He was soaked in sweat.

His legs were pressed against something... And it felt like skin.

At that moment Copia woke up to reality and found that he was pressed on his back, with his legs draped over Papa’s shoulders.

They were both completely naked—and Papa loomed overhead, his hands placed on Copia’s hips.

And then he felt something hard press into him.

Copia couldn’t help but cry out wordlessly.

Though surprisingly, it didn’t hurt. Was he just so out of it that he didn’t feel anything?

Papa released a feral growl from his throat.

His face came close to Copia’s ear.

“How does it feel, my dear?”

“It doesn’t hurt.” Copia whispered back. "It feels... So good."

“Good.”

Papa grunted harder as he tried to pull out. “Fuck, you’re so tight—!”

Copia gasped at Papa’s fingers digging into his thighs suddenly. The hands shifted the positioning of his legs, spreading them further apart.

He had to hold back a cry as to not alarm or frighten Papa. But feeling ever so more vulnerable to his dominant partner frightened him. If he wasn’t careful, then Papa would only end up hurting Copia again.

Papa’s sudden movements jolted his body, creating a surge of energy up his spine.

Copia could not hold back his cry then.

The pull and shove of his cock deep inside Copia felt like constant pulses of electricity and pain—pain as it pushed deeper with every slow thrust.

Emotions were heightened, therefore all contact was as well.

Papa’s slippery hands lost contact with his partner’s legs as they slipped into the sheets below.

Now Papa laid over him, giving the Cardinal close contact with his body. He took the chance to wrap his arms around his dominant partner’s shoulders. The overwhelming sensations forced his eyes closed.

Papa panted hard into his ear.

“You feel so good...” He moaned, thrusting himself into Copia again. “My body can’t take it...”

Copia felt a hand run down his chest. His breathing hitched at the sudden sensation.

“Don’t you feel the same?” His ragged breath entered Copia’s ear. “Do you want me to help you?”

Then, Papa’s fingers laced around Copia’s member.

“Oh god—!” He gasped. His eyes shot open to face Papa’s dim eyes.

Between hard thrusts, the priest’s grip tightened and loosened with jerking movements—pulling up and down to a slow rhythm.

It wasn’t something the Cardinal was used to. The feeling would only push him further and faster over the edge, which he was unprepared for.

Why did he have to stimulate him further?

He was sure that he would climax before his partner.

Papa continued grunting and moaning in his ear.

“S-stop—!” Copia stammered between short breaths. “You’ll make me cum too soon!”

“I want you to cum. Not until we can together—we can become one.”

Maybe only in his delirium Copia couldn’t figure out what Papa meant.

Papa’s wide eyes entered Copia’s soul—he then understood what he meant.

He reiterated. “Let’s cum together, Copia. Let us become one!”

The nerve within Copia was thoroughly agitated—he was going to burst at any moment.

But he knew Papa wasn’t ready yet.

In desperation, Copia unhooked his arms and dug his fingers into his Master’s hair, and with full force, pulled Papa to his mouth, silencing him.

The sudden kiss startled Papa enough for him to release Copia’s cock from his grip and fall to his partner’s hips.

With another hard thrust, Papa cried Copia’s name and he ejaculated into Copia’s body in a burst of ecstasy.

At the same moment, Copia too cried out for his partner as he climaxed between their bodies.

Copia was left unsure if they had merged together as one, but it sure felt like they experienced the same feeling at the same time.

He felt strangely at peace.

The Cardinal was pushed to the side as Papa landed on the opposite side of his partner, his cock leaving behind a sticky trail.

Copia felt finally relaxed as his feet felt the cool sheets below him.

“Copia...” Papa whispered softly.

He responded by turning his head towards his superior.

Papa’s hand reached Copia’s cheek, his fingers entering his beloved’s auburn hair.

The mismatched eyes looked clearer and deeper in color than before.

Papa shook his head slightly. “Why did I ever doubt myself? Why didn’t I realize sooner?”

“What... What do you mean?” Copia whispered back.

Though he wanted an answer, Copia welcomed Papa’s sudden tight embrace.

“My dear Copia... My love...”

The Cardinal buried his face into his partner’s chest.

“All I ever needed was someone like you. You, who can wipe my tears away... Thank you.”

Copia began to nod off, utterly exhausted, with the scent of wine still lingering on Papa’s breath.

He murmured, “Please... Don’t cry like that again.”

“Not when I have you.”

He moaned Papa’s name as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Copia suddenly awoke, as if coming out of a nightmare.

He panted heavily, realizing that he had brought himself up.

His first sensations were his hands that were tangled in a blanket. He wracked his brain to remember anything.

Though he could not remember when during the night he pulled a blanket over himself.

All he recalled was falling asleep in Papa’s arms.

Oh right. He was with Papa.

The surroundings cemented that. It was Papa's room, though lit by the morning light. The bedside lamp was still on.

The Cardinal looked over to his side to see Papa, his figure only partially concealed by the blanket draped over him. He looked at peace, deep in sleep, though his hair was a mess and his face paint smeared.

The memory of the night came back to him.

Copia shuddered remembering the things Papa said to him. All of the things that bothered him... How much he needed Copia to be there for him...

He felt his guilt crawl up his back and whisper into his ear.

_You should’ve never slept with him. _It said. _You wouldn’t suffer like this if you’d rejected him. _

_You were selfish and you wanted Papa for yourself. Now you have to deal with the consequences._

_You now carry his burden too. His pain is your's._

Copia couldn’t stand the thoughts and tried to shake them out of his mind.

Why did loving someone have to carry so much pain and so much burden?

Just looking at Papa’s peaceful sleep couldn’t give Copia any solace.

Without another thought, Copia leaned over to kiss Papa’s temple.

Papa stirred below with a quiet moan.

It seemed that Papa took notice. Copia pulled away.

The priest rolled over onto his back, the blanket shifting away to reveal his bare chest to Copia’s gaze. His eyes fluttered open and greeted his partner with his half-lidded eyes.

Copia felt unsure if Papa was drunk enough to forget the events of last night.

“Good morning, my dear.” Papa murmured with a smile.

Papa’s hand went into Copia’s messy hair. His touch offered him a warm comfort. It reminded him of Papa's black gloves, which had been removed during Copia's bout of brain fog (presumably).

“How do you feel?” His tone became playful. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”

He blinked in moderate horror. “Y-You remember...?” Copia felt at once both surprised and embarrassed.

“Why would I forget?” Papa chuckled. “Your body is hard to forget.”

_“Papa!”_

Copia wanted to retreat into his body in embarrassment. He wished he had the mental strength moreover to smack Papa in the face for such a joke.

But seeing Papa smile made him reconsider.

“No, really. I needed it.” He crossed his arms, covering his revealed chest. “I didn’t realize how much I needed you until I sat alone with only my thoughts and my pain...”

His eyes went to the ceiling in reflection.

“I felt myself fall deeper and deeper into my heartache... I’m glad you came in at the time. Who knows what would’ve happened.”

Perhaps he would’ve drank that other bottle of wine and pass out and choke on his own vomit...

Copia didn’t want to imagine it further. Still, Papa’s tears were real and equally as painful to recall.

“What made you cry...?” Copia wondered aloud. “Was it because of something I said?”

Papa sighed.

“I think it was because you asked me if I still had feelings for her... Lucifer, I wasn’t ready to answer that.”

“But... Do you?”

The priest continued staring at the ceiling, clearly troubled by Copia’s words.

“…I did. The weak part of my heart wanted her to return, and everything would go back to normal... But you can’t beg anyone to come back.”

He rolled over towards his sheepish partner, though still staring out at nothing.

“She never did hold me.” Papa said in solemnity. “I figured it was her personality, but now it’s clear to me that she doesn’t give a damn about me.”

The Cardinal felt a chill run up his spine.

Her presence felt near.

Copia darted his eyes around the room and saw the crumpled piece of paper near the wall.

The crumpled letter stared back.

The catalyst.

“What are you going to do?” Copia couldn’t turn his eyes away from the paper. “About her and the...”

“I will speak with Sister again.” Papa interrupted. “I’m sure I can work something out with her. She knows how hard this is for me.” He moved to his side of the bed and sat himself up on the edge. “I just hope Nihil doesn’t catch wind of it.”

Another horrible feeling came over Copia.

“He would... Make her return to the church, would he?”

Papa went silent. That surely was the worst case scenario.

“I don’t know, Copia.” He muttered solemnly. “At the very least he will have the child be raised in the church... But I can’t let that happen.”

The Cardinal could only nod.

The floor creaked with Papa standing up from the bed, revealing him in all of his naked glory.

Even still, Copia felt like he’d seen something he shouldn’t have. He awkwardly averted his gaze.

“Do you want a bath or a shower?”

The sudden question confused Copia most of all. He turned to look up at Papa.

“What?”

“Do you want to take a shower or a bath?”He reiterated.

Copia just blinked up at him, unsure about his choice.

He glanced down at his own body and realized how disgusting he felt.

“Uh... Shower it is then.”

Papa shrugged. “Alright.”

The priest left the room and entered the bathroom, (at least that’s what Copia assumed), leaving him alone on the bed.

Wanting to not be left alone, Copia got up to follow his superior to the bathroom.

He heard the plumbing activate and the sound of rushing water followed soon behind.

“Copia, come in here and tell me what temperature you like.”

The Cardinal appeared in the doorway, still feeling apprehensive for no reason.

“Why would it matter? I’m the one getting in, so I’ll control it.”

Papa gave him a slight smirk from the tub. “Oh, I don’t mind. I’m not too picky about water temperature for my showers.”

The gears finally turned in his brain, and he connected the dots. “_...You’re getting in too?_”

“That’s what couples do, right? You can’t get much more intimate than bathing with your lover.”

Copia didn’t enjoy hearing the words “couple” and “lover” when referring to him and Papa.

He wished he could turn off his guilt.

“Here, feel the water. You want it colder? Warmer?” Papa beckoned to his partner. “Come, Copia.”

The Cardinal just awkwardly stood in the doorway. It took Papa to grab him by the hand and lead him inside to move and make his decision.

The bathroom door slammed shut.

* * *

After another sleepless night, Special was anxious to speak with Sister again.

Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, but he still couldn’t wrap his mind around what all had occurred since Papa confronted him in the church.

What was with all of the love stuff? He’s special? In what way? What the hell was he talking about?

That, on top of Papa’s ex-wife sending him a letter...

He cursed himself for not going to comfort his Master.

Even though Sister advised him not to.

_“He needs my help!” He cried to Sister, grasping her wrists. “He needs someone to be there for him!”_

_“Special.” She said calmly like a grandmother. “This is something he himself has to deal with... If he needed you, he would call you.”_

_Tears escaped his eyes. “He doesn’t want me anymore, not with the Cardinal being here—!”_

_Her tone suddenly became stern._

_“Special. You’re not the one who’s dating him. You’re not entitled to his attention. It seems to me that you’re not concerned, but rather jealous of his relationship with Cardinal Copia—“_

_His hands released the Imperator’s wrists and turned his gaze to the floor._

_He had to leave at that moment._

_Outside, Copia and Papa were gone._

_Am I jealous?_ He thought at the time.

Perhaps he was. Though it was because he was drifting away from Papa.

No longer being close to him is what he feared the most. And it seemed to become true.

_He saw Copia enter Papa’s quarters the night before, and he didn’t see him leave._

_Special watched for hours. Nothing. No discernible sound or movement._

_Eventually, he sucked it up and approached the door and lightly tapped the door._

_It creaked open._

_His heart almost beat out of his chest—and he saw the discarded wine bottle and glass._

_Adrenaline kicked in and he rushed into Papa’s room, almost calling out his name._

_The room was still lit by Papa’s bedside lamp._

_The first thing the ghoul saw was Papa’s clothes on the ground._

_Then it was the scarlet robes._

_Special stood frozen above Papa’s bed, gazing down upon the sleeping, nude figures of Papa and Copia._

_Papa had his arms wrapped around the Cardinal. They both appeared to be deep in sleep, unaware of their present surroundings. They were perfectly still. Peaceful._

_The sheets were stained. Presumably with cum._

_Special was so shocked he almost began to laugh aloud. So frozen and powerless. There was nothing he could make himself do._

_A part of him was glad that Papa was okay, and safe most of all. But the louder part of him cursed Papa for turning to the man he’d known for a shorter amount of time—all the while the ghoul was there for him for years!_

_What did Copia have that Special didn’t?_

_The thankful part of him took over for a moment._

_Before he made himself leave, he dragged a blanket over the two of them._

_He shut the front door behind him, and finally allowed himself to cry._

_Special’s fears came true._

_But he was filled with another emotion._

_Anger._

That morning, despite barely being awake, the anger that filled his body forced him to move forward.

He stumbled into the hallway where Sister Imperator’s office was.

Special saw by the constant movement of the ghouls who entered and exited from Sister’s office that the time for album production had begun.

It was time to reassemble the musically inclined ghouls and get to work.

Eventually, the small woman left the office by herself, with the last of the ghouls scrambling out with their arms full of paperwork.

Sister sighed as the hallway became silent again. She appeared confused at Special’s presence.

“Special? I have a meeting with Papa soon. Why are you here?” She inquired.

“Sister… I need to talk to you about Papa…”

He took a deep breath.

His heart was filled with the desire for revenge.

His voice shook as he spoke.

“Papa… _He kissed me…_”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your support! I actually pumped this chapter out within the month!
> 
> I hope all of you are healthy and safe. :) 
> 
> The situation actually gives me more time to write this fanfic, which I believe will soon reach its conclusion in a couple chapters. (My gut says 7... Next one will be a big one.)
> 
> I will probably make some illustrations for each chapter? I'm not sure yet.
> 
> I love reading everyone's feedback! I'm glad y'all enjoy this!
> 
> Next chapter title is "Dance Macabre" haha


	6. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special attempts to end the problem himself with desperate measures. Papa, on the other hand, plans differently.
> 
> Unknown to them all is the unwanted presence lurking in the background.

Through the colorful stained glass, Papa could see the sun glittering through with the morning light.

Though it was to be another busy day, the halls of the church were silent; void of the trampling of feet or clamor of voices. Though unusual, it was a welcome change. At least Papa had the time to himself as he made his way to Sister’s office.

Papa smiled to himself as he recalled the shower he and Copia shared earlier that morning.

He thought it was cute how Copia struggled to not be embarrassed by anything.

_“We’ve bathed together before, so how is this any different?” He tried assuring his subordinate._

_“That time was different—!” The Cardinal retorted._

_Though he protested, it seemed that Copia enjoyed being washed by Papa’s hands. _ _At many points, he felt the Cardinal relax and lean into his body when he dug into his hair with shampoo, massaging his scalp with his firm fingers._

_When it came to washing his body, he heard Copia try to hide a gentle moan._

_He could tell that the Cardinal got throughly aroused when his hands traveled down his thighs._

_When Papa moved his hands back up Copia’s pelvis, he couldn’t help but notice that he’d gotten erect._

_Copia seemed to have noticed when Papa’s hands stopped moving._

_“Oh god—“ Copia spat out in embarrassment as he tried to cover himself. “S-sorry.”_

_Papa could only smirk._

_He couldn’t admit how hard it was for him to control himself. The contact alone was making him go crazy, which was understandable._

_Unsurprisingly, Papa too got aroused, though it was more apparent as Papa stood behind Copia and the latter felt the erection against his ass._

_Papa knew it was only partially by accident._

_“Geez, Papa!” Copia yelped and jerked forward out of his superior’s grasp. _

_“Calm down.” Papa laughed. “Things like this happen. Just think of it as a compliment.”_

_“Don’t say that!” Copia stammered in reply, his face flushed red. “How is that—hey! Don’t laugh!”_

He could only laugh it off. Perhaps Copia hadn’t learned yet to laugh off embarrassing moments or situations. Granted, Papa himself had to learn to do so with the sheer amount of times he fell through stages or fell over during his tours...

Maybe once touring started, Copia would finally learn to laugh at himself and not take himself too seriously. If Papa accompanied him, perhaps Copia would learn how to become a good performer through his guidance.

Copia could become a good successor under his wing. Someone who was confident, charming, but also someone who didn’t take themselves too seriously.

He wondered if Copia could become Papa IV.

He couldn’t think of an answer at that moment as he arrived at Sister Imperator’s office, where he found the woman already out in the hallway.

Papa felt put off by her being outside of her office.

“Good morning.” He greeted her.

“Good morning to you too.” She similarly replied with a handshake.

Papa could tell by her pensive expression that something was weighing on her mind.

“I must apologize for bothering you, but I need to send a message back to her.”

She lifted her eyebrows in slight surprise. “Oh right. What about it?”

Her sudden air-headedness was unusual. It troubled Papa especially.

“Let’s go out to the balcony for some air, why don’t we?” He suggested.

* * *

It was unordinary bright, so much so that Papa had to shield his eyes from the morning sunlight.

Unlike the nighttime, the air was full of the sounds of birdsong accompanied by the gusts of wind rustling the trees.

It always felt odd to stand outside in the sunlight. Perhaps if Papa didn’t wear dark clothes all the time, he could enjoy the sun. Alas, he always joked that if he was out in the sun, he would immediately disintegrate like Nosferatu. It was a joke that nobody understood what he was referencing.

Regardless, in the moment, he felt a bit at peace. It was only a bit of solace from the chaos.

“So, Papa. What’ll it be?” Sister asked out of the blue.

Papa had to step out of his thoughts to remember what he had to get done.

“Right... Send a letter back to her.” He began. “She is not allowed back near the church, and neither is her child. She is to not contact me again. Whether or not the child is mine doesn’t matter. I will not have someone born outside of the church eventually take over things here.”

He turned to Sister, who stood to his side at the balcony.

“Can you do that for me, Sister?”

She nodded slightly. “It will be done. Don’t worry about it.”

Papa nodded back, knowing that Sister would be on his side.

The pensive glare was still evident in her eyes as she stared off into the distance.

“Is something on your mind?” He prodded.

Sister breathed a deep sigh. “A lot, actually.” She said with some sarcasm. “I suppose I should tell you, since you’re already here.”

The woman turned to the priest, who appeared confused and troubled.

“Special...had a lot to say to me this morning.”

His heart stopped for a moment.

_Not this._ Papa thought. _Lucifer, not this!_

Papa turned back towards the scenery to hide his horrified expression. “Oh, did he?” He feigned ignorance.

“Did something happen between you two?”

Fear knotted up in his stomach.

So Special probably told her.

“...How much did he mention to you?” Papa asked in a murmur.

“Perhaps _too_ much.”

The vagueness of her words frightened and worried Papa. What was “too much”? Did Special only speak of his and Copia’s relationship? Did he only talk about their deteriorating relationship, or how Papa treated him that night in the church?

He’d never expect Special to speak up to Sister or anyone else. Was trusting him to not speak of it to anyone foolish, despite the ghoul having done so in the past?

He’d taken Special’s trust for granted, it seemed. He’d worn it too thin with his apparent abandonment.

Papa couldn’t stomach that.

Hell only knows if he would get punished and put his and Copia’s livelihoods at stake.

He could only bottle up his rage towards the one person he could trust.

_Damn it!_

Fire burned inside of him, his anger towards Special only became hotter and hotter. Though he’d controlled it that night he faced Special, it was under the assumption that he wouldn’t go to Sister and tell all of his secrets.

He wondered how he kept his cool when he saw the mark on Copia’s cheek—especially after the Cardinal confirmed a sour encounter with Special.

Knowing that Special had hurt Copia was unforgivable—And he mocked his words that he said in the heat of passion!

All of that to provoke him!

_How dare he...!_

Yet, there he was. Standing at the same balcony he met Copia on the night of their first sexual encounter.

It was over. But Papa felt that it was his fault.

It was his fault that Special resented him.

He ignored him and his needs. He ruined his trust. He’d practically left him behind.

Papa had only himself to blame. Special’s betrayal was in some way warranted. Could he just be acting out on purpose? But why would he...?

He had to bite back tears to try to speak to the old woman beside him.

“Then... You know.” His voice faltered. “About Copia and I...”

Papa then felt a hand lay on his back.

“Easy now,” She tried to ease the priest. “I’m not going to punish you for that.”

“...What?” Papa asked quietly in surprise.

“I know how hard this has been for you. I think it’s good for you to be in a relationship with Copia.”

The priest turned to face her in apparent shock.

“Sister...!” He spoke, trying not to yell.

She gave a slight smile.

“I was a bit shocked when Special told me. I never thought you were into men, I suppose.” She continued. “But knowing that, there’s not much I can do. As long as it doesn’t hinder the album production, I have no issue with it.”

The priest could only stare into the nothingness in complete disbelief.

He breathed. “Sister, I... I don’t know what to say.”

The woman grasped his trembling hands at once to get him to look at her.

The wrinkled, bony hands felt comforting, like the hands of his late mother. He felt his body ease.

“You shouldn’t suffer for being in love. If you love him and he loves you, then I don’t see a problem.”

Papa could only silently nod. “Thank you.” He whispered.

She made it to the archway that led into the church. A gust of wind blew by, silencing the sound of the birds singing below.

“One last thing.” Sister called back without turning around. “You need to work something out with Special. What needs to be done will be up to you.”

“Of course, Sister.” He managed to call back before she disappeared inside.

Otherwise, Papa was still too stunned to speak.

But within himself, he was overwhelmingly relieved.

Then and there, Papa silently thanked whatever divine force gave him the gift of Sister’s laid-back attitude.

The only problem that remained was Special, as she said.

But what could he do?

His fingers tingled with a renewed anger and sadness.

He said another silent prayer.

* * *

For Special, the night became longer than the past day.

His early morning talk with Sister only proved to be unfruitful. It all boiled down to her saying that he had to work something out with Papa.

But how? In his sleep-deprived state, nothing seemed like a logical action to a conclusion to his issues with Papa and Copia.

What else could he do? If Sister couldn’t help him, then who else would?

Special was sick. Sick of being left alone by Papa—his Master.

Away in his own room, he could do nothing but stare at the ceiling.

He felt an intense craving in the pit of his chest.

He needed something.

He had to do something.

Without planning what he was going to do, Special leapt up from his bed and stumbled out of his room.

He quickly headed up to Copia’s room to check if he was still in there.

The ghoul lightly nudged the door, enough for him to peek through.

The room was dark. A bedside lamp was on, and he could discern a figure in the bed. It had to be Copia, who was, thankfully, asleep.

He quietly latched the door shut.

Special knew then that Papa was still awake, if not making his nightly prayers.

It was the only chance the ghoul had.

Soon, he was at the door of his superior. He knocked.

“Who is it?” The familiar voice called from beyond the door.

For a moment, Special questioned what he formulated in his head. Was his plan even going to work?

But there was no turning back. His chest felt like it was going to burst.

Special wordlessly opened the door.

Stepping forward, Special saw Papa kneeling before his small altar in the dark, only lit up by candles. His hands were clasped in prayer.

But once Special closed the door behind him, the priest lifted his head to look at his visitor.

“Special...” He murmured upon seeing the ghoul’s silhouette.

“Papa.” Special could only say back.

A large shadow adjusted itself onto the walls and floors as Papa stood up from his deep prayer.

He found the lamp near the center of the room, and upon turning it on, it bathed the room in a dim, warm light.

Special gulped still at Papa’s imposing presence wrapped in priestly wear.

“I thought you hated me at this point.” Papa drew away from the lamp to stand before his servant ghoul. “You haven’t been visiting me since then.”

_Yes. Since the kiss._

“Satan knows how much I wanted to.” He whimpered. “But Sister...”

Papa’s eyes grew wide.

“Sister thought I should leave you alone—“

“Yes.” Papa’s voice lowered. “She told me...”

Special gulped. So Sister told him about it. He knew.

“Be thankful that she has the decency to keep it to herself. Unlike me...” The ghoul scoffed. “And just as I thought... It didn’t matter whether I said anything to her or not.”

Special shook his head at the lingering uncertainty in his heart. His assertion came out suddenly.

“It’s obvious that she takes your side regardless of anything! I’d say it’s impressive of how protective she is of you.” He snapped.

Papa did not respond emotionally through his blank facial expression.

“So...” Papa murmured. “You want me removed, then? Is that your revenge?”

Hearing the words coming from Papa turned Special’s stomach over.

“That’s only half true.” Special asserted. “I wanted my revenge... And so, now you can fulfill one of your desires without regret.”

Papa was puzzled. “What do you mean?”

Special forced a laugh. “Don’t think I came here to meddle with you—I came here to save you the trouble and do you a favor.”

Special lifted his hands to his chest and undid the button on his collar. He kept his eyes on Papa, who only stoically stared back.

Special felt a hot sensation boiling in his face and chest. He continued moving his fingers down his shirt, carefully unbuttoning each, slowly revealing his bare chest to Papa.

“Special... what are you doing?” Papa asked in a low tone.

“Don’t you remember what you said that night? You said that you could’ve ordered me to lay down for you...” Special recounted with some reluctance. “...So that you could have your way with me.”

Once the shirt was unbuttoned, he moved his hands down to his belt.

The belt dropped to the floor. The metal parts clanged against the wooden floor.

The ghoul, still holding his eye contact with Papa, settled down onto his knees, his arms draped at his sides.

“So do what you want with me, Papa.”

Though he couldn’t believe what he was doing, Special wanted something—something he couldn’t pinpoint.

But once he felt his stomach ache, Special then knew what it was that he felt.

He felt humiliated. He could no longer hold eye contact with Papa further, so he collapsed onto his hands, groveling at his superior’s feet.

“Have your way with me.” He pleaded. “I know this is what you want. Do it without regret!”

Papa was silent above him.

He heard the clicking of Papa’s heels draw away.

Special again lifted his face to see Papa with his back facing the ghoul.

Papa’s head hung low, and an extended arm held him up against the wall.

“You’re wrong.” He murmured. “I... I don’t want to do that. I can’t do that...”

“Why can’t you?” Special’s voice raised.

His anger overcame his shame. He leapt to his feet.

“Didn’t you want me to satisfy your needs? Here’s your fucking chance to do so!”

Papa still stood facing the wall. “Not that. You’re not something to be used. How can I degrade you like that?”

“I’ve already degraded myself enough!” He yanked Papa’s relaxed arm. “Just get it over with!”

Even by forcing Papa to look at him, the priest refused to make any eye contact.

He saw some sort of anger flash in his Master’s eyes.

Papa pulled his arm away from Special’s grip, startling the ghoul. His eyes became fixated at the ground.

“I get it.” Papa growled. “You wanted justification so that I could sleep with you. But disobeying me just for that…?”

Special didn’t have an answer for him.

Papa took a moment to look up and down at the partially disrobed ghoul, his eyes filled with pity and disgust.

“Put your clothes back on.” He ordered. “And leave. I will not have this.”

Papa turned around to face the wall again, as if to allow Special some privacy to get his clothes back on and leave.

Even now, he wanted Special to keep what little dignity he had left.

But Special couldn’t stand it. The silence, the pity in Papa’s eyes...

Feeling exposed still, he wrapped his arms around himself. “It’s because of Copia, isn’t it? You have no use for me because you can fuck him any time you want!”

There was a moment of silence. Special could feel the silent tension emanate from Papa.

“That isn’t true.” Papa choked out a reply. “Don’t think that it’s because of him that I won’t do it...”

“Then what’s stopping you? You can’t blame it on your morals when you actively disobey the church by fucking him!”

Even as he yelled, Papa still didn’t move.

Special lunged and pulled at the robes that draped over Papa’s shoulders, just to get him to look at him in the eye.

“Even just once—punishment or not—I could do it for you! Why can’t you just let me serve you like I’m supposed to?!”

The priest was silent for a moment.

He felt Papa’s shoulders relax.

Papa spoke in a low tone. “Special... I’ve put you through enough. I don’t need to put you through any more pain.”

“What?”

Papa finally turned enough for his gaze to reach the ghoul.

“I will admit—there is anger in my heart. You put my life and Copia’s life in jeopardy, all because of your jealousy. But..”

The priest’s sudden movement forced the ghoul to release his grip on the robes, stumbling backwards. Papa reached down to pick up Special’s discarded shirt and belt.

“But, it’s my fault for not doing more to fix that. I’ve continued to ignore you, even after I apologized to you, saying that I would do more...”

Finally, he held out the shirt and belt to the ghoul.

“I have abandoned you, and I’ve done nothing to remedy that. I’m sorry.”

Special reluctantly took the clothes, still humiliated by his actions and Papa’s apparent disapproval and overt rejection. His fingers curled into the fabric, eyes fixated on it.

“Then why...?” Special growled. “Why can you sleep with him, but not me...? Even now, when I stand before you so powerless... You choose to not give into your desires... Yet you clearly do so with him?”

He winced when he felt something grasp his hands. But upon looking up, Special saw Papa’s fingers intertwine with his.

Special’s heart raced. His hands trembled. The clothing slipped out of his hands.

He expected Papa to embrace him, but he only stood in place.

It was as if Papa imbued him with a strange feeling.

A strange, deep, feeling of wanting.

It seemingly erased his shame in his feelings.

He wanted more than that.

“Don’t do this to me.” He cried. “Why can’t you just take me...?”

Papa’s solemn voice entered his ear as he lowered his head into the ghoul’s shoulder.

“I’m sure that if I did—even only once—I’m sure that our relationship will collapse. I know we were always so close, but... I know that it was never meant to be physical.” Papa shook his head slightly. “It’s not meant to be this way.”

Once Papa lifted his head back up, Special too lifted his longing gaze to his Master.

“I’m sorry. I just... We’re not on the same page. I can’t bring myself to do that.”

Papa looked as if he were on the verge of tears.

Special shook his head.

He lightly shook Special’s hands for emphasis. “Please, Special. Just go.” Papa whispered. “You don’t really want this.”

“How the fuck would you know?” Special said under his breath.

Papa could only shake his head. They both refused to give in to the other.

But once Papa released his hands, Special’s odd feeling dissipated.

Then he only felt his anger return. He pushed himself away from the priest.

Special forced a pained laugh out of embarrassment. “I get it. You don’t want me. All you want is Copia. How foolish of me to think you gave a shit about my feelings!”

While he continued to laugh, his voice faded as Papa stared right through him and his act.

Papa knew how hurt he felt.

He hated that he only cared as little as he did. Papa was unwilling to give him physical intimacy—and for what? Fear of their relationship disintegrating?

Their relationship had already fallen apart.

Still, Special knew that he couldn’t convince Papa. He wanted out of this situation.

He quickly grabbed his clothes from the ground and threw them on without a single word. Papa still didn’t speak, but he felt his eyes pierce through his body.

_Stop it! Don’t look at me like that!_

With that thought, he stumbled to the door, desperately trying to hold back his internal cries of rejection and anguish.

Special placed his hands on the door, though unable to move it with his withering strength. He turned his gaze back to Papa, who only stood silently, watching the ghoul with sadness lingering in his eyes.

The ghoul wanted to yell at him to stop looking at him so pitifully. But if he did, he knew his voice would crack under the pressure.

His fingers curled into the wooden door.

He felt tears fall beneath his mask.

“So what if I envy you?” He began. “I saw you... Your arms wrapped around him. So tender... So peaceful... How lucky Copia must feel to lie in your arms...”

Papa looked on in mild shock.

“All I can wonder... Why couldn’t that be me?” He whispered loud enough for Papa to hear him. “Why can’t that be me...?”

He saw Papa’s lips move, but only a faint sound left them.

“You—Special—!”

Special finally got the strength to force the door open, but something pulled him away.

He stood only with Papa’s body propping him up.

He felt Papa’s face curl into his neck as he embraced him behind.

Finally, he was able to feel Papa’s tenderness that he craved.

But nothing felt real anymore.

How did it come to this point?

His tears kept coming down. Surely it would soon drip out of his mask.

“I’m sorry...” The priest murmured. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”

“S-Stop it!” Special stammered through tears. “I know you don’t love me. You only want him—!”

Papa’s arms tightened their grip around his servant’s body.

“Just because I won’t have sex with you doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.”

Special felt startled by Papa’s choice of words.

“Don’t think that I hate you. I just refuse... I refuse to ruin all of this.”

“You’re wrong, Papa.” Special retorted. “You’ve ruined everything.”

His intrusive feelings of wanting took hold in his heart. He tried to refocus his anger towards the carelessness of Papa, of how he allowed all of this to spiral downwards until it was too late. How he hated being ignored in favor of Copia!

But Special couldn’t force himself to be angry. As he stood in Papa’s embrace, he could only feel warmth.

“I hate you for making me feel like this.” He murmured, desperate to be angry at Papa. “Why can’t I just give up on you?”

Yet, as he continued, he felt his walls crumble and his true feelings slowly revealing themselves.

“You just had to kiss me then—! Now I can’t get it out of my mind. I hate you for making me want you. I hate you so goddamn much...”

He choked on his own words. It all became too real. All the emotions he bottled up were flowing out en masse like a flood.

Special couldn’t imagine being any more vulnerable to Papa. How could he reveal this much to him?

Yet, he allowed his Master to move his hand to his face.

“You may hate me... But just know that I do love you.”

Again, Special felt Papa’s fingers reach underneath his mask, intruding into his private space.

Unlike the last time, the ghoul helped Papa to peel off his mask.

The mask collided with the floor.

Special pulled Papa towards him, daring the priest to make his move.

“Now show me, you bastard.”

Papa still looked at him with pity, but he silently complied with the ghoul’s wishes.

Special finally felt the startling contact upon his lips.

Unlike then, it had lasted for far longer.

He was sure that he was about to lose himself in his excitement, in his hunger for contact.

But at some point, Papa released Special from his grip, and his lips drew away.

“That’s enough.” He said. “Now go.”

Special couldn’t bring himself to look at Papa again as he put the mask back on.

His heart filled up with shame.

Now that he got what he wanted, why did he still feel unfulfilled?

Whatever it was, Special felt regretful. Nothing he did really mattered. Why waste his time further if he couldn’t get what he wanted?

Papa didn’t care enough to give what Special wanted.

Once he put the mask back on, he allowed his thoughts to trickle past his lips.

“All I wanted was to help you... But I see that you don’t need me anymore. What's the point in being here...?”

“You are always needed.” Papa murmured. “You just need me more than I need you. If you feel like you're not needed here, then go.”

At that moment, Special felt as if a knife had plunged into his chest.

He, a servant who needs his master to serve his needs...

Finally, Special left on his own volition, neither party saying another word to each other.

Special returned to his room feeling completely numb.

* * *

The sun had barely touched the horizon, but Papa was up on his feet.

It was far too early to be awake, but Papa pushed himself to walk through the quiet hallways to the offices, where Sister and Papa Nihil were.

He swore he heard voices near the doors.

But he shook his head. Surely his sleep-deprived mind had been making things up.

He twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open, fully expecting to see an empty front room, with Nihil in the back, asleep in his bed.

Though he saw something else completely.

“Special... Why are you here?”

Special stood before him, only glancing over his shoulder. Nihil looked absolutely confused, standing at he head of his desk only half dressed in his regular robes.

The ghoul looked away from the sudden visitor in contempt.

“You know why.”

Papa couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Don’t act so surprised. I know you came here to have me kicked out.” Special snapped at him. “I’m doing it for you.”

The old man glanced between the ghoul and the priest multiple times. “What? What brings you… Wait… Is that true?”

Even Nihil was confused by it all.

Papa nodded after a short delay. “...Yes. I’ve decided… To remove Special from his position and have him moved to another church.”

Nihil weakly pointed towards Special. “And Special, he...”

Papa sighed. “I believe we are on the same page, aren’t we?”

Though they could not see his face, his contemptuous silence made them understand his feelings.

“Why doesn’t anyone tell me what’s going on?” Nihil wondered aloud. “Was there something I missed...? Hold on, it’s too early for any of this… I need to call Sister…”

The old man pushed past the wary priest and ghoul out of the door, even pushing past a startled Cardinal Copia.

For a moment, the room was silent.

Out of the corner of his eye, Papa could see Special wince at Copia's presence.

Even he could feel the tension in the room.

The Cardinal similarly glanced between Papa and Special, them both sharing an air of depression.

None of them said anything to each other.

The silence was broken when both Nihil and Sister exited the latter's office, the two bickering amongst each other.

Upon hearing the old superiors argue amongst themselves, Special muttered something incoherent before abruptly leaving the oppressive atmosphere.

Special pushed his way past Copia. He swore that he saw a flash of anger in Special’s eyes.

While Nihil and Sister got into a mild argument over something about transportation and different churches, Copia snuck up to Papa’s side.

His eyes were focused on nothing.

“Papa... Is Special leaving?” Copia asked.

The priest didn’t say a word.

But Copia understood.

* * *

It was only until the next day Special actually left.

On that day, Copia had been unable to get contact from Papa, even when he called or knocked on the door himself. Of course, he worried that Papa was locking himself in his room again. With how silent Papa was the previous day, Copia suspected that he'd gone into another depressive state.

The only thing that eased his mind was bumping into a ghoul carrying Special’s luggage.

“Is Special about to leave?” He inquired.

“Oh yes. This is the last of his things. Papa and the others are outside right now saying their goodbyes.”

There was a bit of relief in those words.

He followed the ghoul close behind. But when they left the large double doors, he felt something hold him back.

At the bottom of the hill, sure enough, were Sister, Nihil, Papa, and Special standing idly by a black, vintage-looking car as a group of ghouls loaded luggage into the trunk.

He suddenly felt wary of his presence being too close to Special. Perhaps if he drew too close, it would only irritate Special further.

Remembering the contempt in Special's eyes the previous morning had stopped him dead in his tracks.

If Special's look could kill, Copia knew he'd be dead in an instant.

Copia resigned to standing where he was, watching from afar.

Below him, the attendant ghouls finished loading up the car with the last of Special’s belongings.

Nihil, of course, still seemed perplexed by everything. Sister, on the other hand, looked unfazed by it all.

It was time for Special to leave.

Special nodded to his superiors and turned away.

As Special began to walk past Papa, he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

Papa had placed his hand on the ghoul’s chest.

The contact stung.

Special hung his head in shame. “I didn’t want it to end like this.” He whispered. “Why couldn’t we start over, Papa?”

He tried to remove Papa’s hand from his chest so that he could just move on.

But his touch stung so bad that removing it would only make it worse.

Papa’s hand too moved to grasp his servant’s.

“It’s not meant to be. I'm sorry that it came to this.” Papa replied in a whisper. “Take care, Special.”

The priest’s hand slipped away from the ghoul’s grip, leaving his hands empty again. It truly felt as if there were a gaping hole in place of his heart.

All he could do was choke back his tears again.

“I wish I could hold you again... Papa...”

Special couldn’t bare to speak anymore, especially not with Papa Nihil watching them.

Even if his mask hid his tears, it still felt as if he was bearing his face to everyone. No longer did he feel safe beneath his mask.

The mask hid his true self to all. No one was allowed to break that anonymity.

But Papa did. He broke that sanctity, all because Special begged him too.

He made Papa do it.

At least when he slept with Copia, he did it of his own free will.

But he made Papa remove his mask. He made Papa kiss him.

The ghoul realized that it was for that reason that he had to leave. He couldn’t forgive himself. He made Papa sin for his sake.

He deserved exile.

With a final wary glance, Special climbed into the car and shut the door behind him.

They all looked on as the car drove away, down the winding road into the abundance of trees below.

Copia, who just watched from afar did feel a sudden pit in his stomach, knowing how hard it must’ve hit Papa.

The person he used to be the closest to was gone.

He desperately wanted to comfort Papa, but knowing that they had to keep their affection locked away from their superiors stopped him from doing so.

Papa was the first to break away and head up back to the church.

As Papa passed Copia, the Cardinal saw the sadness in his eyes hidden behind his stoic facade.

It was like the moment Papa faced the reality of possibly being a father-just seconds away from melting into a puddle of tears.

He desperately needed someone to help him.

But Copia looked away.

In Nihil’s presence, he only felt shame for his relationship with Papa. With it, his regret returned.

So did the horrible thoughts.

_Special wouldn’t have to leave if it weren’t for you._

_You will only cause him more pain._

_You monster. You did this to him! You don’t deserve his love!_

Suddenly, Copia felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see Papa staring back at him.

“Don’t be upset for me.” He said. “You have nothing to do with this.”

Yet, Copia knew it wasn’t true. He was the reason this happened.

“Why then...? Why did he have to leave?”

Papa’s hand drew back.

“It was for the best. We need you here, Copia. In more ways than one. You’ll see.”

Papa trudged away.

The duo of superiors trailed behind Papa, each of them exchanging words of assurance and confusion. Though it was Nihil who shared more confusion than Sister.

“Do I have to figure out things on my own?” Nihil said in a low voice. “Even you know something I don’t. I swear you're hiding something from me. Where did this come from? Why did Special feel the need to leave?”

Sister scoffed at the old man. “Perhaps there’s a reason why you weren’t told.”

A chill ran up the Cardinal’s spine.

Copia could hear thunder rumble in the distance.

* * *

The rain had returned that night.

Even as Copia watched the rain fall, all he could think about was Papa.

He’d barely noticed how he began to drift off to sleep staring out the window from his bed.

The record player in the corner of the room had stopped some time ago—it placed on the B side of Papa’s record. Copia felt somewhat attached to Papa’s disembodied voice. How it fluctuated from soft to serious to controlling to vulnerable... It was much like how he was in real life.

The blankness in his face from Special’s departure still haunted him in his mind.

His notebook was at his side, a pen wedged into its pages. Copia was left unaware of its presence as the sound of the rain flooded his unconsciousness.

The thing that dragged him out of his sleep was a warm hand on his shoulder, and a familiar voice.

“Copia.” The voice beckoned. “I need you...”

Copia’s eyes barely fluttered open. He rolled over to his side to face the presence.

“Papa...?” He called.

He was further greeted by a hand caressing the side of his face.

The texture of the glove that felt his face was undoubtedly from Papa.

“What is it?” The Cardinal called. “Why do you need me...?”

“You need to help me with something.”

Before Copia could ask him for more information, he was pulled up to the side of the bed, startling him awake.

Copia had to rub his eyes. “What’s this about...?”

“It’s close to midnight. There’s something I need to do in the church...”

* * *

While it had been raining a few moments ago, The Cardinal and the priest lucked out as they approached the church, with only water at their feet and not on top of them.

Though as Papa scrambled to open the church doors with a key, the rain had begun to pick up again.

Still, they avoided the bulk of it as they entered the empty church.

The church, while lit with torches and candles, was still rather dark and eerily quiet despite sound of the rain hitting the roof.

The Cardinal had only known the church to be at least partially occupied, granted, he’d never enter in the dead of night. He could understand the silence when outside in the open, but when it hangs in the air in an enclosed space...

Copia couldn’t stand the feeling of loneliness and emptiness.

What once was comfortable became unbearable. He could no longer stand to be alone. At the very least, Papa was there with him.

They walked down the aisle. On the altar laid an incense burner with a long chain connected to it.

Papa picked it up by the chain.

“Such bad timing.” Papa broke the silence. “The day of his departure coinciding with this day...”

“What do you...” Copia cut himself off due to his voice penetrating the silence.

“You should know,” He continued. “On this day, a couple years ago... I became Papa Emeritus III.”

Papa pulled a match out from under his cloak.

“You see, on the anniversary, I must renew my vows, by spreading the sacred incense in the church at midnight. Only those with the Papa Emeritus name may handle the sacred incense…”

He struck the match in and brought the flame to the scepter.

“…Why bring me here, then?” Copia asked in a much lower voice.

“You see, when you get your coronation, you’d have to do the same. Think of it as a sort of dress rehearsal.” He suddenly paused. “Well... Perhaps not.”

Copia blinked in response. “What do you mean...?”

Papa furrowed his brows at the Cardinal.

“You’re still only a “Cardinal”. I don’t think you’ll get a coronation unless it’s to take the Papa Emeritus name.”

Smoke began to drift out of the incense scepter.

“Still, you should observe, just in case.” Copia heard him say. “We must make our rounds around the church. Come.”

The only sound that filled the church was their footsteps and the rain picking up on the roof.

Copia trailed behind, keeping an eye on Papa’s dedicated and thoughtful movements with the wafting smoke around him.

It was the same smell that enveloped Copia in delirium. The image of Lucifer surrounded in smoke still haunted him. However, it was the nauseating smell that haunted him the most. It made him sick to stomach just thinking about it.

“Perhaps I should tell you...” Papa muttered.

Copia could only stare at the scepter swinging back and forth.

“Sister is aware of our relationship.”

Before Copia could say a word, Papa swiftly turned and raised a finger to his subordinate’s lips, shushing him.

“However, she hasn’t told Nihil, and she will allow us to carry on with our relationship. She finds no problem in us.”

Copia still felt rattled. After all, it seemed that for a second, his life would be over. “H-how, then? Did you tell her?”

“Special did. Behind my back.” He shook his head. “But it doesn’t matter now.”

By his tone, Copia knew it would be a bad idea to push the issue further. The last time he did so made Papa snap at him and give vague answers.

He could only assume that Special left because of that—for putting him and Copia at risk of Papa Nihil’s wrath.

Copia could only imagine the pain Papa was going through because of Special. Bringing it up would only rub salt in the wound.

He unconsciously raised his hand to touch the part of his face where Special kicked him.

The rest of their round was more so silent, as the rain had waned in intensity.

At that point, the two were back in front of the altar, having made their lap around the church.

The incense still burned significantly. The clouds of smoke still bellowed from it. The more he breathed it in, the lighter Copia’s head felt.

Papa turned to the Cardinal, the chain and incense still in hand.

“I’m not allowed to do this, but here.”

The priest held out the chain and the scepter of the incense to the Cardinal.

Copia looked at him, puzzled. “...You want me to hold it for you?”

“No. Do the same as I did.”

He blinked in shock. “You said that it’s for...”

“I know. Here.”

Copia took it with reluctance.

Papa stood behind him, his hands wrapped around his subordinate’s. “Here. I’ll show you how to use it.”

Gently, Papa urged Copia to swing the chain, allowing the incense to swing slightly. With his suggestion of movement, Copia continued to swing it back and forth to a rhythm. He felt dizzy, as if being hypnotized by the pendulum-like swing of the incense burner. The immense power he held in his hands... The fact that only Papa could wield it...

Copia felt as if he held the world in his hands.

It was either the symbolic act of spreading the incense, or the incense itself that gave Copia the high. It was otherworldly.

Copia wondered aloud in his trance-like state. “Papa... What’s this about? Why give this to me…?”

The floor below him felt lighter and lighter. Papa still held his subordinate’s hands, guiding him with the burning incense.

“...You may be Cardinal now,” Papa breathed into his lover’s ear. “But one day, you will ascend. I will lift you up to a higher standing.”

“Ascend...?” Copia echoed.

“Yes. I elect you to become Papa IV.”

Copia wanted to gasp or even scream, but he stood silently, only aghast by Papa’s words.

_Me? Papa IV? _He thought.

Due to the amount of incense in the air, Copia’s normally heightened nerves were calmed, even though his thoughts still raced. To have that amount of power, given to him despite not being directly related to Nihil... Granted to him by his last legitimate son. Was that possible?

“You’re... Crazy.” Copia managed to say, despite his trancelike feelings. “How can you get away with that?”

“I’ve told you... You and I have become one. You have become a part of me, and I a part of you. I will find a way.”

Papa’s hands slipped away from the Cardinal’s hands. A gloved hand reached over Copia’s shoulder and grasped his chin, turning his face to meet Papa’s.

“Why me, Papa? Do I even deserve it?”

“Yes. You are my true successor.” Papa whispered. “Only you.”

Copia couldn’t protest. His superior had closed the gap between their lips, silencing him with a kiss.

The Cardinal still felt as if he walked on air.

* * *

The exhaustion finally forced Special to fall asleep in the car.

By the time he awoke from a dreamless sleep, they were already on the outer road to the sister church.

It had already been an 8 hour drive, most of which Special slept through.

They pulled into a small clearing, surrounded by thick woods and a stairway that led up a hill to a concealed church. The sagging branches and overgrown stone steps made the place seem abandoned and ghastly. However, as they drew closer, Special saw that the place was very much inhabited.

Outside, there was already a small group of nameless ghouls, ready to take Special’s luggage and move him in.

His body sore from improper sleeping positions, he finally had the time and space to stretch his muscles.Though Special barely had the time to actually do so before he was swarmed by ghouls, welcoming him.

All he could do in reply was nod and shake hands.

Truly, all he wanted was to go back to sleep. To sleep in a bed rather than the stiff leather interior of a car sounded like paradise to him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a young woman approach the vehicle from up the hill. Upon closer inspection, as she drew nearer, Special could see that she wore an intricate, lacy white dress that went down to her ankles. In her hands were a couple of bags and luggage.

Special wondered how she could carry all of that without tripping over herself.

There was something familiar about her, but Special was too tired to care at the moment.

She waved to the driver. “Excuse me! This is my ride!”

Even in his sleepy state, Special felt a pit in his stomach. Her voice was all too familiar.

He blinked and looked more closely at her as she handed her small amount of luggage to the ghouls.

Special froze. He did know her.

“You know, this is bound for the main church, young lady...” The chauffeur called from the driver’s seat. “I’m not allowed to take just anyone…”

“Yes, I’m aware.” She pushed her long hair back. “Papa Nihil is expecting me.”

Special tried to hold his gasp.

It was Papa’s ex-wife.

“I see. Well, get in. We’ll arrive in a day.”

With the rest of Special’s items out of the car, the woman slipped into the backseat with a small bag at her side without as much of a glance towards the gawking ghoul.

He was glad that she didn’t recognize him.

Soon, the car started up again.

Once the car drove out of view, Special sprinted up towards the church, leaving the attendant ghouls behind in the dust.

He burst through the doors, alerting a meandering group of ghouls.

“S-Special? Is that you? What’s this about?” One asked.

He panted, mind still racing. “I need a phone. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter was lackluster compared to the previous chapters!! I particularly struggled with this one as a lot had to happen to push the story along!
> 
> It also took a while because I had to finish school... I have priorities.
> 
> The next chapter will be the last chapter, however. So expect it to be long haha
> 
> Thank you all for reading and your continued support.


	7. Nothing Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (No chapter summary this time. It would reveal too much. Please enjoy!)

Even hours after Special’s departure, Nihil still wracked his brain to figure out what was going on.

What happened between Special and Papa that made them mutually agree to have Special sent away?

Nihil knew that Special was like a confidant for Papa, even often helping him during tours and speaking on his behalf. So what happened to change that now?

Something stuck out to him, however.

How Special acted around Copia. They both seemed to be avoiding the other, with Special particularly acting rather hostile to the Cardinal.

Still, there was a piece that Nihil wasn’t getting.

Nothing made sense without it.

He stuck by the window that evening, still guessing what could’ve happened.

Not even Sister could say much.

_The old priest turned to see Sister walking past, heading back into her office._

_“Sister!” He called._

_Though she stopped, she didn’t acknowledge him._

_He scrambled to her side._

_“What’s going on here? Why didn’t you answer me earlier?”_

_Sister looked at him, eyebrows raised. “I thought the answer I gave was enough. It’s something that you shouldn’t know about.”_

_With that, she continued on her way._

_He stood with his mouth agape._

_Nihil jutted back to her side, keeping her pace._

_“That doesn’t make sense!” He cried. “You know something more than I do! The Cardinal—did he have something to do with Special?”_

_The old woman didn’t even glance at him._

_“That’s just a small piece of the puzzle. The bigger issue is with Papa."_

_“What? What about him?” He asked worriedly._

_“I know what your side of the issue would be. I understand your points of view, and for some I agreed with. But I see now that some of my beliefs have changed and have become incongruent to your own...”_

_They stopped before her door._

_“Sister...? What do you mean?”_

_Finally, she turned and gave him a knowing look._

_“The church, the clergy we know now may soon be over. The structure... Maybe it’s very foundation will change.”_

_“Change?” He murmured._

_“All I can say is a warning: if you reject this change, then you may lose your son.”_

_She shut the door in his fac_e.

He tried to pester her at the door for answers, but he eventually relented knowing her stubborn nature.

Still, the words haunted him.

What did she mean by “losing” his son? Was Papa hiding something from him...? Why would he?

Either way, Nihil felt that he had to seek out the truth—even if it meant opening Pandora’s box.

But it meant confronting his son.

It was nearly 1 am. when Nihil arrived at Papa’s room. He noted that there wasn’t a light peaking out underneath the door.

He suspected that after his anniversary ceremony, he would have went straight to bed.

So he lightly knocked. No answer.

“Papa...” He called. “I need to speak with you.”

Silence.

Now he was confused. Even with subsequent knocks, he still didn’t receive any sort of response.

Nihil then tried the door.

It was open.

Without a second thought, he entered his son’s room and flipped on the light switch.

Shuffling around, Nihil found no sign of his son anywhere. As he guessed by the clothes folded on his bed with dirty laundry tossed aside, it seemed like Papa got changed and left for his duties and hadn’t been back since.

The old priest felt puzzled. It was past midnight, which meant that he had to be done with his personal ceremony by now.

Why wasn’t he there? Was he still at the church?

He could do nothing but shrug it off. His son always wanted to keep to himself more than his older sons.

Still... There surely was something he was hiding.

As he made his way to his son’s bedroom, his foot crunched paper.

He stopped to look down—his foot standing on a wrinkled piece of paper.

He picked it up, but he could see that there was writing on it—smudged, but still readable.

Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was a letter of some kind.

He read it.

And he read it again.

And again.

And again.

And again...

* * *

A sound roused Copia awake, but a gentle nudge urged him to open his eyes to the blinding morning light.

He recoiled at the light, furiously rubbing his eyes to get used to it.

The Cardinal heard the repetitive sound again.

“What infernal sound—?” He complained as he pushed himself up. “Why can’t I get some fucking sleep in this fucking church —?”

“Copia.” Papa’s voice interrupted the cursing.

He drew his hands away from his eyes to gaze down at his partner, who too was struggling to awaken.

The first thing he noticed was Papa’s shirtlessness.

Copia felt himself blush. Of course he’d forgotten that he and Papa got caught in the rain the night previously and his solution was to “let his clothes dry”. By that he meant strip down to his underwear and stay with Copia for the night.

The Cardinal knew he just wanted an excuse to cuddle.

Papa chuckled, pulling himself up from the bed. “Are you going to get the door or what? Don’t leave your visitor waiting.”

Oh. The sound was knocking. Of course.

“Ah, shit!” Copia said under his breath before speaking louder to the person beyond the door. “I’m coming! I’m coming!”

The sleepy Cardinal stumbled to his door and fiddled with the lock to at least peak through to see the visitor.

He couldn’t see much other than a metallic face.

“Good morning, Cardinal.” The ghoul said with slight sarcasm, though he dropped it the second he saw Copia’s tired face. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

Copia kept rubbing his eyes. “Of course you did.”

“Oh, sorry.” The ghoul seemed apologetic. “It’s just that I figured that you’d know where Papa would be, as there is some... pressing matters for him to attend to as soon as possible.”

He squinted, a bit alarmed. “Something about Papa?”

“Yes. There’s someone on the phone for him—“

Before the ghoul could say more, Copia felt a hand on his shoulder, urging him to move out of the way.

He glanced up at Papa, who had his clothes miraculously back on, though his shirt barely buttoned up.

Copia responded by moving away from the door to let Papa deal with it.

The ghoul stepped back upon seeing the equally sleepy priest.

“Papa! I didn’t expect you to be here... In fact I was looking for you.” The ghoul laughed awkwardly.

While Copia was out of the way, he took his chance to crawl back into bed.

It was not his business, of course.

Though he feared that the ghoul would begin to suspect something was going on between him and Papa...

Like a child, he pulled the covers over his head, blocking out the morning sun.

He hated that he couldn’t block out the voices at his doorway.

“What do you need me for?” Papa’s voice boomed.

“Well, there’s someone on the phone that needs to speak with you.”

“Who could it be? Who would want to speak with me specifically?”

“Um...” The ghoul paused. “It’s Special.”

Copia lifted his head up and out of the blankets.

_Special?_

Even Papa, as far as he could tell by the moment of silence, seemed shocked.

“Him?” Papa tried to respond in a low tone. “Get me to the phone.”

Copia turned to the door as Papa swung the door behind him.

The door slammed. Both Papa and the ghoul left.

Copia suddenly got a horrible sinking feeling in his gut.

There was something wrong.

He threw off the covers to get dressed.

* * *

The small, cluttered office was empty except for the presence of a singular ghoul at the desk, with the phone in his hand.

Upon seeing the priest enter, the ghoul pulled the phone away from his ear and held it out to Papa without a word.

Papa hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to speak with Special again.

The ghoul that accompanied him looked at him with nervous anticipation. It had to be something serious.

Seeing that, he took the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Papa—is it you?”

He felt his heart tighten up into knots hearing Special’s distant voice.

“...Yes. What’s wrong? Have you arrived at the church yet?” Papa asked. “Are you alright?”

“I just got here like 10 minutes ago—but I saw someone here that’s on your way right now! Please, you need to tell Sister—“

Papa’s heart skipped a couple beats.

He pulled the phone from his ear. “Where’s Sister?”

The ghouls glanced at each other. The one at the phone spoke. “She went into town today. She won’t be back until later.”

_Figures_. He put the phone back to his ear.

“...Sister is out today, you can tell me. Who was it?”

“It’s _her—!_” Special’s exasperation could be heard over the phone. “I swear it was—and she said something about Nihil expecting her or something! I think Nihil called her to come over there!”

Papa wanted to drop the phone then and there. Even the hand that held the phone began to shake horribly.

The ghouls around him backed off when they saw the visible pain and anger in his widened eyes.

“Why? Why would he...?” He whispered into the line.

“I don’t know—but... She’ll be there later today... Please, Papa. Be careful.”

His mind was racing.

How did Nihil find out? It couldn’t be from Sister, could it? How else would he know?Why this? Why did Nihil have to find out?

Papa shut his eyes to help compose himself.

“...Thank you, Special... Even now, you still look out for me... I can’t thank you enough.”

“I can’t imagine you going through that again. Please, I don’t want you to suffer.” Special said. “I’m sorry I can’t be there for you... I love you, Papa.”

A shot of heartache went through his body.

How dearly he wished he could reach out to Special... To at least thank him in person.

But Papa had to send him away. There was too much conflict—too close for comfort. Too close for he and Copia’s secret to come out.

But if Nihil found out... _Lucifer, what if he did?_

“Me too.” Papa breathed. “Goodbye.”

The priest pulled the phone away from his ear, and the ghoul who sat at the desk took it and placed it back on the receiver.

“What was that about?” The escort ghoul inquired earnestly.

Papa shook his head and turned away to leave, pushing the ghoul to the side.

He stopped suddenly with someone else blocking the exit.

Copia stood at the threshold, surrounded by a group of ghouls, his face plastered with worry.

Papa couldn’t bring himself to look into his beloved’s eyes without seeing his reflection—a reflection of the sadnessthat lurked in the depths of his soul.

The thoughts and worries overtook him—repeating over and over again—what if Nihil did find out? _Satan, don’t let this happen!_

He’d already begun to feel Nihil’s hands forcing them apart, pulling Copia away from his grasp.

Anger filled Papa’s heart.

“The old bastard...!” Papa said under his breath.

He shoved Copia out of the way and stumbled out of the door.

Copia whimpered. “Papa, what’s—“

“Enough!” He ordered.

The group of ghouls that had gathered immediately froze and backed away, except for Copia, who stood, dumbfounded.

Each of them staring at him only made him feel self-conscious about himself and his emotions.

Though he understood them. It was very rare for him to outwardly show anger.

Papa looked around at each of the ghouls that huddled around him. “Each of you—! Leave!”

The sudden shout was loud enough to startle the other ghouls who stood and watched from the entrance of the hallway.

With a sweeping hand motion, the ghouls filed out and dispersed, save for Copia, who still stood by the angered priest.

The ghouls in the office shut their doors, leaving the two completely alone.

His fiery eyes turned towards the Cardinal.

The Cardinal was completely silent, looking on in fear.

Seeing the fright in Copia’s eyes extinguished some of Papa’s anger.

He cursed himself for not controlling his emotions well enough—and forcing Copia to witness it.

Copia didn’t deserve to see this side of him.

Composing himself, he shut his eyes and turned away, his back facing his partner.

“I’m sorry. There’s... Something I need to deal with.” Papa said in a lower voice.

As he stepped away, he felt a hand grasp his arm.

“Papa... What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Copia asked.

Just the ordinary touch of his partner sent a chill down his spine.

Despite his best efforts, it became harder to conceal his feelings. Being around Copia made him too vulnerable to his emotions.

It was because Copia allowed him to. Papa didn’t feel the need to be so stoic and seemingly unemotional.

But the cracks were starting to appear. He couldn’t hide his relationship with him with his ex-wife returning.

The Cardinal didn’t deserve to share his pain. He didn't deserve to watch their relationship fall apart. It shouldn't happen.

He had to deal with it without Copia.

“I can’t say. Not now.” He whispered. “I must... Deal with this alone.”

He pulled away from Copia’s grasp and stepped away, down the hallway and out of sight.

As his steps echoed in the empty hallways, he fought back the tears forming in his eyes.

The image of his ex-wife flashed in his eyes.

Each step he took felt like a jab in his heart.

* * *

Standing alone at Nihil’s door felt like a much heftier task than it would’ve been if Copia or even Special stood at his side.

But his anger towards his meddling father urged him to push forward.

No more hesitation.

Papa pulled the door open with great force, where he saw the old priest standing behind his desk, arms folded behind his back.

He grabbed Nihil’s attention by slamming the door behind him.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

Nihil spoke first. “I was going to call you... What is it?”

Papa felt his anger boil in his throat which he tried to swallow.

“Why...?” He whispered. “Why is she coming here?”

The old priest only showed a silent, stoic face.

His anger boiled over. He slammed his fists on the table.

“Why do you _dare_ torture me?!” Papa yelled. “Why is she coming here?!”

The white eyes of the old priest seemingly glared at Papa.

“I’m sorry. But I think you know the reason.”

Nihil pulled out a folded piece of paper from underneath his desk and slid it over to his descendant.

With just a glance, Papa knew what it was. It was the letter sent from Papa’s ex-wife.

Papa stared down at the paper, his face blank and frozen in terror.

Though his eyes were stuck on the hand-written words, his brain couldn’t comprehend them as words.

Inside, his worst nightmare was becoming more and more real.

He couldn’t think of a response. His fingers curled into his palms.

_Why did this have to happen?_

“You... Went into my room...?” He whimpered. “Just to... stick your nose into my business?”

Nihil sighed. “I should have known about this the day you received this letter. But you—kept it from me. And for what?”

Papa refused to answer.

The lack of emotional response from Nihil barely helped ease his mind. But Papa knew that Nihil was holding back his disappointment and anger to not distress him. The firm seriousness in his voice solidified that.

He was always careful to not upset his children.

The old priest walked over to his son’s side, reaching out a hand to his shoulder for comfort.

But it felt insincere. Painful. It may as well have been needles on bare flesh. He jerked away, his back facing the old man.

Staring at the wall was better than facing his father.

Nihil was quick to become defensive. “Listen—I’m not asking her to stay here, nor am I asking you to take her back, but I do want you to try to reconcile with her—“

Papa ground his teeth.

“There will... Be... No such reconciliation.” Papa forced himself to calm down for a moment. “...She doesn’t deserve my time and forgiveness.”

Nihil sighed deeper than before. Obviously he was asking too much of Papa.

“This isn’t about her,” he tried to reason. “This is about the child—“

The word “child” struck a different chord within him—a strange feeling of pain resurfacing that Papa thought he forgotten about.

Having Nihil acknowledge the child felt surreal.

How could he possibly have a child...?

It just couldn’t be real!

He turned around slowly, startling Nihil with the burning anger in his eyes.

“The child?”

He slammed a fist on the desk as he encroached on his father, finally unleashing his anger upon him.

_“To hell with the child and to hell with her! I want nothing to do with them, and that’s final!”_

He couldn’t stand to look at his father any longer. He pushed past Nihil to get to the door.

But Nihil’s old, wrinkled hands grabbed Papa’s free arm, yanking him back.

Again, he was forced to look into his father’s blank white eyes.

The priest was too numbed by anger to care.

Nihil looked horribly dumbfounded.

“How can you say that? _That’s your child!”_

Papa scoffed. “That is my child in the same way that she is my wife—! She forfeited that chance to have that child here the moment she left. I refuse to let that child be MY successor and have her presence anymore in my life!”

The grip on his arm weakened, so he fully tore away from his father and turned back to the door.

As his hand came to the handle, Nihil spoke up, though now in a low, distressed voice.

“This church will perish, Papa. Who will carry on your legacy? Our legacy? Doesn’t that matter to you?”

He paused.

Legacy?

When was the last time Papa cared about his legacy?

In the moment, he only cared about himself and his happiness, and nothing about his legacy or his past...

But what about nominating Cardinal Copia as his successor? Would that still be viable?

He got to thinking about Copia.

How would he be a good successor...?

He didn’t quite fit the “Papa” persona—he was far too meek and unassuming to fit in with the mysterious, yet theatrical character.

It was more than a roll to fill—it was a legacy to carry.

Perhaps Nihil was right.

Papa only believed in Copia because he was in love.

But he couldn’t help but trust Copia with the responsibility.

Being the “frontman”, or being the image of the band needed more than an act and costume.

He felt that the Cardinal was true to himself and his personality—while as of that moment he was not an actor but true to his own heart.

How he took the time to understand and listen to him. How much he helped him... His sweetness. Sensitivity. Sincerity.

How loved he felt when he took Copia into his arms.

Papa knew that he could trust Copia to take his place. Because Copia was to be trusted.

There was none of that with his ex-wife and the child that came from it. No trust. No understanding. No real love.

Despite putting all that trust in her and giving her the time and space she needed, she left without ever saying why.

That was the difference between her and Copia.

When he looked upon Copia the first time, he felt that burning sensation in his stomach. The heat of attraction and lust.

That first night Papa truly fell in love.

But with it came the crushing feeling of regret. There was no way that Copia could ever return his feelings with the way he treated him.

He was sure that he ruined his chance to feel real love.

But Copia didn’t give up on him.

That attitude solidified it in his mind. Copia was meant to be a great leader regardless of anything.

_As if Nihil was open to his son giving away his bloodline to an unrelated clergy member..._

_But did that matter?_

Papa was just happy being with Copia.

That was all he wanted. To love and feel loved equally as much. What mattered more than anything was Copia and his own happiness.

Forget about those obligations.

Nothing else mattered.

_Nothing else!_

Papa shook his head.

“I don’t give a damn anymore. I’ve said what I wanted to say.” Papa admitted. “Now—_don’t fucking talk to me about this again._”

He finally turned the handle and left the office, leaving Nihil completely silent in response.

Once Papa was free of his father’s gaze, the tears finally came out.

But he was at peace with himself and his feelings.

* * *

Copia sat alone in the garden, contemplating what he overheard at Nihil’s office.

He still felt his body shake, even as he tried to calm down, he couldn't shake his fear and horrible dread.

It was all because he wondered what was going on with Papa.

Following close behind, Copia watched Papa hesitate before entering Nihil's room. He snuck up to the door, and upon seeing the hallway cleared of anyone else, he pressed his ear to the door.

But he left when he heard Papa yell at his father.

_“To hell with the child and to hell with her! I want nothing to do with them, and that’s final!”_

His knees shook as he darted away as silently as he could.

Up until that point, he then understood what was happening.

All with Special’s phone call, Papa’s uncharacteristic anger, everything he heard in Nihil’s office...

Papa’s ex-wife was returning later that day. And Nihil knew about the child.

The Cardinal too feared for himself and the fallout that her presence would cause, but mostly worried about Papa’s full response.

If her letter caused as much pain and hurt as it did to Papa—then what would her presence alone do to him? Would he become depressed? Would he fly into a rage or even completely shut down emotionally and mentally?

But what would happen to Copia...? Would Copia be the person he unleashes his wrath upon? Was his terrifying anger just a precursor to what would happen to Copia?

It was a rare moment where he feared Papa and feared _for_ Papa.

Surely it was the unpredictability that scared him the most.

But it was the anger—the rage and loss of control in Papa’s eyes.

Copia could only stare intently at nothing as the cold wind struck his face. His mind swirled with his emotions and thoughts...

Thoughts of regret and second-guessing himself came back to him in full force.

_This is your fault!_

_Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Don’t you realize how much this has been a bad idea to move forward with your relationship?_

_It should’ve ended at the beginning. You should’ve said no!_

_But you were thinking too hard with your dick, weren’t you?_

He cursed his thoughts for dragging him down deeper into a spiral of self-loathing.

But Copia knew that he couldn’t ignore it any longer.

Did his own selfish actions bring him into this mess? Was it his fault that Papa now has to suffer time and time again?

Or was this all bound to happen? Was he just tangled up in Papa’s fate?

What could he do?

“Cardinal!”

Papa’s voice rang out in the silent air. Of course, Copia turned to look up at his superior, who stood above him on the garden path.

Copia was struck by an unusual sense of dread.

He stood up expecting to run. But his nerves forced him to think for just a second.

_...Why would he run from Papa?_

The priest, haven gotten his partner’s attention, carefully treaded down the path to his Cardinal’s side.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Papa paused to study Copia’s expression. “...Is there something wrong?”

Copia couldn’t think of anything to say. In embarrassment, he averted his gaze, looking at the dirt.

Papa’s voice only got softer and gentler in tone. “I know that look. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

His fingers curled around Copia’s chin.

He jerked away from Papa’s touch.

For once, he didn’t fear being seen, but rather, he feared that he would face another angry outburst.

Just like in the hallway.

But as he had his back turned, Papa went quiet.

Copia felt his whole body tremble in anxiety.

He could tell that Papa was taken aback.

“...I’m sorry. I...” He apologized. “Did I do something wrong? Tell me... Tell me what's wrong. Please, Copia.”

Papa's gentle voice eased Copia a bit.

But there was a lot he didn't want to say.

He didn’t want to complicate things further if he lied about not knowing what was going on. But putting himself more into trouble didn’t seem like a good outcome either.

Having his back facing his superior gave him the meager amount of confidence he needed to speak.

He swallowed hard.

“I heard what happened. Your ex-wife...”

Papa was completely silent in response.

Copia shook his head. “I’m sorry... I should’ve known better than to eavesdrop on you, but... Damn it, I can’t—!”

The mixture of dirt and gravel crunched beneath Papa’s feet as he shifted his weight, edging closer to Copia.

“...It’s fine.” He said in a low, firm voice. "I'm not angry at you."

The ensuing silence troubled the Cardinal more than it should.

He forced himself to face Papa.

The priest only stared forward—face blank and void of emotion.

But even then, Copia could see the sadness lingering behind his eyes. It felt like claws piercing and digging into his chest, ripping him up from the inside...

He couldn’t handle seeing Papa in pain.

“Papa...”

His sad eyes focused back on his partner. “I’m fine.” He said. “I’ll deal with it the best I can.”

Copia remained unconvinced.

“I can’t help it, but...” Copia murmured. “I can’t imagine you facing her with how you’ve been feeling and acting. You worry me...”

He recalled the infernal yell Papa unleashed on Nihil. The horrible look. He shuddered thinking what Papa’s anger fully unleashed would look like.

Or worse. What if he and Papa got found out? What would happen to them?

“I’m scared...” Copia whimpered. “What will happen to you—what will happen to us? Goddamn it, what am I supposed to do?!”

Papa placed a hand on Copia’s shoulder.

“I don’t know either.” He relented.

Very lightly, he graced Copia with a caress of his knuckles across his cheek, brushing away stray hairs.

“Listen...” The priest whispered. “I’m scared too.”

Copia didn’t realize how touch starved he was until that point. It was something within the priest’s touch that set his heart and mind afire.

“Papa—“ He hastily said. “Let me go with you.”

He paused to give his subordinate a surprised look.

“If you _must_ face her...” Copia furrowed his brows at the dirt. “Then... Allow me to be by your side. I know that you can’t do it alone.”

“Copia...” He breathed. “Thank you.”

He rested his face into Papa’s shoulder, seemingly becoming lost in his warmth and care.

It was dangerous to get lost in Papa’s affection, especially out in the open.

But Copia knew it was too hard to shake.

Once he felt the soft fingers enter his hair, all of his worries vanished to the wind.

His gentle hands toiling with his hair, his breath on his neck, his body so close... It was only those sensations he cared about in that moment.

In that, Copia knew why he got so deeply involved with his superior.

And he knew why he couldn’t run away.

Even as his thoughts and anxieties tore him apart, his grip on Papa only tightened.

* * *

The old priest stumbled away from the balcony, aghast at what he saw.

There, in the garden below...

Papa Nihil was sure he saw his son embracing the Cardinal.

It didn’t feel right. It didn’t look right.

In all of his years, Nihil never saw Papa ever be that openly affectionate to anyone, let alone his own parents.

There was something gentle in his movements and interactions that made it feel different from just friendly contact..

It felt so out of character.

_Even his ex-wife didn’t get as much physical affection in public!_

But it began to make sense.

His son being absent from his room. The fact that he hides important news from him. This amount of physical affection—to the Cardinal of all people. How sad he was sending away Special. In fact, they seemed far too close... And the feeling of animosity between Special and Copia.

Could he and the Cardinal...? Or worse... Could Papa be...?

Nihil was sure of it then.

But he didn’t want to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience.
> 
> The end of college is coming ever closer for me. All I have to do is a mentorship and a couple other things. I've been trying to keep things close to about a chapter a month but alas, I haven't had much time to focus on this singularly.
> 
> I think the next chapter will be the last! It will probably be long, haha.
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos! :)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first completed fanfiction... It's not that good but I had to write it to get it out of my system. A lot of this was written before the "Kiss the Go-Goat" video released, but I added some details that were canon compliant with it (like Nihil not liking Copia)
> 
> I know it's only speculation that Copia could be Nihil's descendent but in this fic there is no such thing. As in, Copia and Papa III are not related at all in this universe.
> 
> Otherwise, thank you for reading whatever the fuck this is. 
> 
> There will be another chapter (and maybe more) so thank you all.


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